Fewer Commitment Ceremonies… More Marriages in DC

A personal note to a couple planning a commitment …

We are still performing commitments, but much more rarely. We believe it would be negligent not to encourage couples to consider a legal marriage in Washington, DC, since that opportunity has been available since March 2010. I am registered to marry in the District for all marriages.

This article is not to discourage a commitment service before a gathering of family to recognize and support your relationship for a life time. It is to encourage a plan to obtain that legal status which will have merit if you decide to move to a state where same-sex marriage is accepted, which also includes New York, which does not actually perform same-sex marriages. Be a part of that group of couples with legal standing somewhere. The larger the group standing, the greater the possibilities for legal progress.

Previous blog entries offer real guidance

If you scroll down to the March 12 and March 20 entries in this blog, there are two rather detailed articles for same-sex marriage planning in the District of Columbia. Those entries were written for couples who live at a distance from DC, and are looking for ideas and advice. Civil marriage in the DC Courthouse may be preferable for those who can drive to and from the District with ease, but for couples coming from a distance a personalized wedding with family in a setting that allows for celebration, no limitation for number of guests, and total flexibility for a date and time of day, hiring a registered minister to perform the marriage in a hotel, B&B, chapel, office, or even a park, is recommended.

Marriage first…then celebrate with all the home folks

On August 1, 2010 we met a couple in DC for an elopement-sized same-sex legal wedding, which followed their commitment in Richmond, Virginia in June. Had they not planned the large family event from last year, this probably would have been arranged quite differently, but once they had the plans in place, they had to proceed in Richmond. They then made the extra trips to DC to apply, pickup the license and meet us for a short ceremony in a park area.

There is real diversity of settings for a wedding in the District of Columbia

Since March we have married couples in DC on riverboats, in hotels, and under a shade tree in a park. Two were large weddings, one had a dozen friends, and others just the couple. Our March blog entries have links and suggestions for a B&B location, and of course those few national park settings where one can secure a time and location for a fee. Calvary Baptist Church has a large chapel and a larger sanctuary open for same-sex marriage. The options continue to expand. When in town for the application, take time to explore wedding sites. Once a site is secured and a schedule can be projected, contact us to determine availability.

When applying for a license, use that time for planning the wedding

When I marry someone in DC, they will have visited and applied for the license, and then returned at anytime later, which can be many months, picked up the license and stayed for a few days for a wedding in conjunction with retrieving the license. Many couples use the trip for applying for the license to scout the city and for making arrangements for the wedding at such time as they will return for the license. It’s all a matter of personal planning.

Having a friend or family member in or near DC can prove most helpful

If a couple has a friend or family member in or near DC, and the couple lives at a great distance, then that friend can make application with the Clerk for a couple. This can be a real convenience. You may want to contact the Clerk to access proper forms. Also, if a friend or family member has the receipt from the date the couple made application at the Clerk’s Office, then that person can also pick up the completed license for the couple and retain it until the couple returns. In case it has not been mentioned, weddings must be performed in the District.

More opportunities will occur as this Nation matures

There is a legal case in Massachusetts, which may change the law for same-sex couples to have access to those same advantages under federal law afforded to opposite-sex marriages. There is much happening. Even while writing this article on a Wednesday afternoon, August 4, 2010, the district court in California has ruled that Proposition 8 violated the U.S. Constitution. We believe in due course that same-sex marriage will be reinstated in California.

You must not take anything for granted…stay vigilant

There is a wind of equality blowing across this country, but never forget those forces of bigotry who will never accept the hope which the Constitution of the United States allows to all citizens. Stay alert to those with a mean spirited nature, especially those seeking or holding public office. Be keenly aware of their hate speech. Stay in touch with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and actively supportive.

Perhaps it is time to reconsider: a wedding in DC

So – what am I suggesting? It should be evident. Find a way, even if it is a matter of delay, to make a plan to apply and pick up the license for a legal marriage in Washington, DC. What has been known as a “commitment ceremony,” perhaps should be turned into a celebration of marriage back in your home state, provided those people who count in your lives have not already attended your marriage in DC. For those who could not attend, host a small dinner and display the license framed for all to see, and enjoy the gathering with family and friends. Bundle your joint resources and think “marriage.” That’s what I’m suggesting.

There are variations for all kinds of weddings and celebrations, and you are the coordinators for what is most comfortable and financially suitable for you. You now have a life-time partnership for detailed discussion, so use those combined resources to move forward.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Who Are You?

We have all heard the stories about “so and so” being such a nice person – polite, sensitive, compassionate, helpful – just the perfect gentleman or lady. Mostly we hear these comments about this person from co-workers, friends or neighbors.

Unfortunately, all too often, when in counseling, I speak to the wife or husband of this “angelic” person and the opposite characteristic or behavior is described. The complaints range from impatience, sarcasm, selfishness, rudeness, short of temper, and in some cases, vulgar and nasty.

It appears there are two personalities contained within the one body. Is this a rare situation? No, I hear these complaints quite often.

An example: “He is willing to help the neighbor in moving a heavy piece of furniture, but I can’t get him to take the garbage out the door.” Or “his/her friend needs to talk, and he/she listens for hours, BUT I can’t get five minutes of attention."

The complaints and comparisons would fill up page after page if I listed all of them. The question always asked is, “Why can he/she not treat me the way he/she treats others? This is not the way I was treated before we got married.”

I get really concerned when after a while this type of behavior effects not only the couple, but is witnessed by the children and has a tremendous effect on them. Is this how married life is? How many of you have a split personality? Are you aware of the person who leaves the house, and then the person who enters the house? Are you one of those people who is possibly beginning to take their partner for granted?

I have recently witnessed a couple up close for the past three days with these exact symptoms and problems. If you meet both of them casually, or even in the workplace, believe me, they are very polite, helpful, and compassionate people. Yet, after 10 years of marriage they have lost the sensitivity towards each other, which of course has lead to a lack of respect for each other. All too easily they disperse sarcastic statements to each other, are short tempered, and in some instances rude to each other.

I know they love each other, BUT there is a quality of love. And, I don’t see the quality of love when they got married so many years ago. What happened? When I inquired, the excuses were “different work shifts, no time for each other, too many credit cards and outstanding debts,”… and the list goes on.

Are these really justifications? … Of course not! I have seen this same behavior in elderly couples and senior couples that have been together over half their lives. There seems to be a complacency setting in which has built up over the past years.

As you know, being aware of these behaviors allows one to take stock; however, the deliberate efforts to change must go far beyond simple recognition.

I would like to hope that none of the couples I have married have entered this phase as of yet. Be aware when you enter your home and see your family that you show them, not just the same respect, sensitivity and compassion, but rather ten times more because they ARE YOUR LIFE! … and why would you hurt your own life?

This is something to think about ….

While thinking about it, allow me to share a poem from A.L. Alexander’s book, Poems that Touch the Heart. This a keeper. Store it in a folder and visit it often. Love…Elisheva

The Tone of Voice

It’s not so much what you say
As the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use
As the tone in which you convey it;

“Come here!” I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
“Come here,” I said –
He looked and smiled
And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair
And the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air
But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art –
But tone leaps from the inner self
Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,
Envy, anger, are there.
Then, would you quarrels avoid
And peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words-
Keep it out of your voice.

Author Unknown

There oughta be a state where folks can hate freely!

Picture it …. July 4, 2010 …. Somewhere in the hot, humid, muggy State of Texas (or Country of Texas if you listen to some of them). Seated around an old country store are a group of “good ‘ole boys” talking and discussing world affaires. One of the subjects, of course is the Moslem World and Iran in particular. They proceed to discuss how primitive these ‘towel-heads’ are, how fanatic they are about their religious views, and that the idea of nuking them might be appealing as a solution to the problem.

They agree with their fellow Arizonian brethren about keeping all of “them” out of the country. These guys continue discussions about how such a backward, primitive, uneducated bunch of heathens, like the Arabs, and the undesirables (Mexicans), want to come to this country and take over our government and live off our tax payer’s dollars.

From there the conversation continues to become scary and really dark sounding. They have just realized that they are actually living in a state that allows LGBT people to have equal rights except for marriage.
 
How can this be? Isn’t Texas an advanced 21st Century ideal state belonging to the advanced United States? How can we have such sick, demented, devious, and disgusting people living in our state that are allowed freedoms like us? “Something has to be done about this,” replies one of the inbred followers. “If we can’t hang ‘em up from a tree, then let’s just do it Constitutionally, and change the dang thing to read the way we think it oughta be – especially in our State during this 21st Century.”
 
If you were to close your eyes, you can hear the thoughts and ideas of the President of Iran with a Texas accent. He, too, kills gays, lesbians, transgender and bisexual people so that he can say, “we don’t have any in Iran. Homosexuals do not exist in Iran.” He too considers his country as being attacked by Western corrupted ideas and civil rights – especially the Great Satan: The United States. In fact, there is not much difference between his garbage rhetoric and the rhetoric of our “good ‘ole boys” sitting in the store in mid-Texas. Hatred and Ignorance are Hatred and Ignorance in ANY LANGUAGE!

So, let’s pull up a few chairs for the Iranian hate mongers to join forces with the Texas boys and have a real ‘ole Hoedown so they can file for their own tax-exempt hatred organization like the Ku Klux Klan, skinheads, American White Rights Party, etc.
 
WOW! Is this what we call advanced loving compassionate people of the 21st century? Right. I had considered the idea of letting this group find a piece of land of their own, but such places without human rights or caring already exist. Why even think of another. Of course we all know that what is being expressed is the idea of carving out little zones of exclusivity within United States of America, a republic with ideals which escaped their educational process. The only place where these cowards can belch their hate is the United States of America, with that liberal free speech policy.
 
If they finally do find a place away from our shores, it will be the last place evolved human beings would ever consider visiting. The voices of the destructive religious right with their exclusive world vision are already seeking to fortify some African nations to be what America cannot tolerate, but they are using those innocents for practice of their own agenda which they would inflict upon this republic if they had the power. They are the root cause of a festering ground of hate.
 
The best way to contain the haters is to allow them to be known, allow them to speak, allow them to cross that line where the Constitution and common decency will not tolerate, and then – confine them for breaking the laws which are written for this country. The day for keeping a record of the most hateful who use the façade of a church to inflict pain is at hand. The time to challenge for targeted removal of these hate groups calling themselves churches is at hand. The REAL LABEL as cults of hate will in due course be determined in a court of law, and their government protections removed and justice allowed to wipe up their mess.


Another important lesson, often not learned, is when good people hesitate and do not speak. Those who see these morons spouting their hate and hear their rhetoric must be active with their own actions within the law and report them to law enforcement, the media, and keep that bright light shining into their dark nature.

So many good people are in houses of worship which practice their God’s will, which is the well-being of all mankind. Those who have within their religion a Golden Rule can determine the fate of a good and generous nation, and find allies in a good and generous world. If they sit silent and do not accept that there are wolves hiding in too many of the flock, THEN the hate mongers of Texas, Iran and the destructive religious right will continue their crusades for dictatorial theocracies determined to sustain a path of limited and then total human extinction.

There are still genetic mutants in certain elements of the human species who have been so ill educated that they abhor any progress of a good and loving humanity. Their delusional construct to sacrifice others for their imaginary exclusive divinity is problematic, and must be monitored cautiously. In other words there used to be a Department of Agriculture rule restricting vegetable transport across state lines. Now we must be extremely alert to the fruits coming out of Texas. It’s more than toxic; it’s degenerative.

That “hate gene” is powerful, and too many people could be decent without it, but their herd mentality simply won’t let go, for the need to be disfunctional and pray to disfunctionality is too strong. So – the best we can do for now is to allow them to shout loudly so we can hear them…and wait for them to cross that line.

So – remember that ole song about the eyes of Texas. In too many places in the wide open spaces those boys have nothing constructive to do. Those eyes that did shine are now going blind with hate a loose on the trail. They will take you back a century or more, just as the Iranians have done, when women stayed home, and cowboys did roam and killed a tribe or two. It’s a romantic tale the Texans do tell, and the Iranians sing it too. If they’re not our way of normal, then what’s to be done? The answer is clear in the dark Texas night: Pray to god and send those abnormals to hell.

The eyes of the rest of the nation and world are clearly watching more closely and listening for those shrill voices of hate. There is a belief that there are Texans and Iranians who will unleash a torrent of goodness and take corrective action.

Let us hope they do not wait too long, for their children are infected daily. We’ll see in due course. Remember – goodness has its own bite!

Love, Rev. Elisheva

Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part II of II

Another consideration for obtaining a wedding license in the District of Columbia is that the license, once purchased, is considered “indefinite.” If you would like to confirm for yourself, call the District of Columbia (DC) Marriage Office at (202) 879-4850. (See next blog entry for more details)

In so many states a license is only valid for a set period. In Virginia the license is valid for 60 days from date of purchase. Therefore most couples (regretfully just heterosexual couples) set their wedding date and then purchase their license a few weeks before the actual ceremony. If the wedding is later than the 60 day window, then you must purchase another license.

“Indefinite” certainly is a wide window, and hopefully once known, will allow same-sex couples coming to DC to slow down and plan a schedule. I will comment more on this, but first please read the next paragraph and scroll down for the last blog entry.

The March 12th blog entry (immediately below this) is a must read for same-sex couples to navigate for the application and then the actual pickup of the license. So – please read it for solid guidance and access the links to those websites provided, especially the DC Court Marriage Bureau website.

Many couples from a great distance from DC are planning for a full week in DC or lodging across the river in Virginia or even Maryland. This allows them to visit the DC Marriage Office, complete the application, wait the three(3) days for pickup of the license, and have a ceremony after picking up the license. In other words, perhaps they fly into DC on a weekend, apply for the license on a Monday, pick up the license on Thursday, and plan a wedding ceremony somewhere in the Capitol limits on that Thursday afternoon or Friday or whenever, after picking up the license. “Whenever” is the point of this blog entry.

If staying in DC for a week is not possible to complete the process, then slow it down and consider this possibility:  When in DC make the application and place the name of the minister on the license if you know you want to be married outside of the courthouse. When convenient and you can return to the DC Marriage Bureau to pick up the license ( after a 3-day gap for them to process the application), then set a date a few weeks or months ahead.

I am told that someone must present the receipt of the application when returning to pick up the actual license; however, it might serve many couples to have a close friend in the area present the receipt for you, retrieve the license and mail it to you, thus saving a trip back to DC until it’s time for a planned ceremony in DC. Always confirm with the DC Marriage Bureau in case of any changes by calling (202) 879-4850.

Regarding places to have a wedding in DC

If you have a friend who works in DC, perhaps for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), then get personal advice. Perhaps staying outside the city is much more reasonable. One can rent a car for a week and drive over to Alexandria or near Mount Vernon and stay much more reasonably in a motel or hotel than in a DC hotel. Just an idea.

If staying in DC lodging (hotel or B&B), then check with their Events Coordinator for use of a conference room or patio for having a small wedding. This should be available without cost if a guest, but if having refreshments, decorations, etc., that will certainly be extra. Check it out. Always consider reserving two(2) hours for flexibility. Most weddings are 30 minutes, but time is needed on both sides of the actual ceremony.

We received a lovely note from Sandra Gartrell from the Intown Uptown Inn at 4907 14th Street NW, Washington, DC 20011, inviting same-sex couples to contact her for small weddings, even elopements, in the Inn. It is always nice to receive such invitations, therefore I am passing it along for your consideration.

I asked about a general idea for a very small ceremony, and Sandy said, “ For five(5) people (not including the officiants) we charge $115 for up to an hour and $10/per  person for six(6) people and up to 25 people. Of course we have rooms to offer, catering, champagne, cake, fresh flowers, and other add-ons that we can work with the couple in providing. Also free parking.”  Her direct e-mail is sandy@iuinn.com.

For a much larger event in a large welcoming church in DC

Most same-sex couples will not know that this past summer’s Clergy Call, sponsored by HRC, was hosted in Calvary Baptist Church, 755 Eighth Street, NW, Washington, DC 20001.  Clergy from all over the country arrived for the 3-day event, and planned and visited congressional offices in support of the Hate Crimes Bill, and other important LGBT issues. Some of us started projecting the need for support of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.  This large, totally inclusive Baptist Church and its Senior Pastor, Rev. Amy Butler, were gracious hosts and made the activities such a success.

We talked to the church about the use of the chapel which seats up to 150 guests for same-sex ceremonies. The Pastor and Church Administrator are very supportive, and if there is an interest in reserving the chapel, and having me perform the ceremony while you are in DC, then this is possible.

You will need to discuss use of the chapel directly with Paul Rosstead at (202) 347-8355 Ext 127, or e-mail him at PRrosstead@calvarydc.org.

Typically, the arrangement for the chapel is for 3 hours for ceremony reservation, and 1 hour for rehearsal the day before. The facility fee is $750. The fee for the sanctuary which seats up to 800 is $2,000.  There are some rules for use, but understandable, and the discussion can allow you to know of music assistance, which would be extra.

We are not wedding planners; we are ministers who perform weddings in DC and commitments and weddings elsewhere working out of our location near Charlottesville, Virginia. We are very dependent on allowing some of the ministerial fee to be a tax deductible donation to our non-religious, nonprofit, public charity with no paid staff to serve the interests of patients and families without adequate means for lodging, food, co-pay and travel who come to the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville. If you wish to see where a part of your fee would be going, please read our website and blog for the charity at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/.  I hope this information is of assistance for planning a trip to DC.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part I of II

As of March 3, 2010, same sex couples may apply for marriage licenses in the District of Columba.  Many couples from outside the District are asking about the requirements with specific details, and these are provided on the Marriage Bureau’s website at http://www.dccourts.gov/dccourts/superior/family/marriage.jsp

All of the calls or e-mails which we have received have been for couples who live outside of the District, and in states which do not recognize same sex marriages; therefore, it is helpful to know even more details as to variations of acceptance in other locations. There are two excellent sources for keeping updated. Please go to http://www.hrc.org/news/14137.htm  and read the statement from the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) entitled “D.C. Law Permitting Same-Sex Marriages Takes Effect.” There is an additional site at HRC which will provide maps and other details worth review. Visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.

For those who live at some distance from D.C.  and still wish to have their ceremony performed in the District for a special memory, please know that this does require some visitations. You will understand once you read the Marriage Bureau’s website. This entire blog entry is an effort to fully acquaint you with the D.C. options. For a same-sex couple  wishing to have a commitment ceremony (not legally binding) in or near your own hometown, there are no restrictions and we continue to perform such ceremonies over a broad distance.

Regarding the District of Columbia for a legal wedding

First you will have to apply at the D.C. Clerk’s Office, and if an approved minister is to perform your ceremony in the District, then you will need to place that celebrant’s name on the application at the time of application. Rev. Elisheva Clegg is registered with the DC Court to perform marriages in the District since January 16, 2008. If Rev. Clegg has been chosen and you have an agreement with her to perform the wedding in the District, then and only then should you affix her name to the application. This is so important to plan before going to make application with the Marriage Bureau. By law,  three(3) full days must pass between the day of application to the day that the license can be issued. The fee payment receipt is required to pick up the license. Marriage licenses are not issued by mail. The couple is totally responsible for obtaining their license.

Rev. Elisheva Clegg is not an officer of the court, but a member of approved clergy who can perform your wedding, and that wedding must be performed in the District. Once you have the license in hand, then the wedding can take place in almost any location, such as a hotel, B&B, office, chapel, church, home, etc. You can sign a ministerial agreement with her indicating date, time of day, fee, etc. You have total flexibility to work with the minister for planning. Remember – a minister’s fee supports that minister’s income, and will always be much more than a civil ceremony in a courthouse. Officers of the court are employed by the court.

Rev. Clegg’s fees for a week day or a weekend day are provided after discussions regarding your ceremony. As with any prominent event in one’s life (and this is the most important journey you both will ever take together), the need to discuss and plan and then repeat your wishes with Rev. Clegg is so important. Remember – only court officials can marry a couple inside the courthouse.

Upon application, a couple can request a civil ceremony by a Court official, and a clerk will attempt to schedule a ceremony on or near the date requested. Regarding the courthouse civil ceremony, remember that scheduling cannot be made sooner than ten (10) business days after your license becomes valid.  This is information being repeated from the DC Court Marriage website. Read the website closely for costs, timing, etc. It is certainly  a reasonable cost, but it is a courthouse event, subject to court scheduling and certainly not geared to personalization.

Can a couple marry in a national park in the District?

Special Park use for weddings: Some couples have indicated their wish to be married at a national monument or outside in a federal park, etc. There are three (3) locations available and they require a permit for a fee($50) from the National Park Service (NPS). The locations are The Jefferson Memorial, George Mason Memorial and the DC War Memorial.  The NPS phone number is (202) 619-7225.  Their fax is (202) 401-2430. For advance information the National Park Service website is www.NPS.gov/namma.  Click on quick links and find permits for “Special Park Use Application for sports activities and wedding ceremonies.”  You can download the 3-page application and fax it with credit card info, or mail it with a money order. The permit, I am told, is for two(2) hours. Remember – there is no parking, no shelter, and one must use the exact timing of the permit.  Light portable music can be played, or perhaps a violinist could be employed.  There are distinct drawbacks for outdoor public locations, so real consideration should be given to all of these limitations, especially when having guests attend. A ceremony can be 15-30 minutes, depending on personalization, and a driving rain can certainly diminish the enjoyment of the ceremony.

We urge a very detailed reading of these website offerings. There is much to be learned.  There must be emphasis on completing the application,  planning ahead to determine if a minister or court official will perform the wedding ( application for the civil ceremony inside the courthouse  or an agreement with a minister for a ceremony away from the courthouse), and  the date the license will be available for pickup, etc. These are among the many items for planning.

We understand the desire to rush to the courthouse and get on with the show. This is a grand opportunity which has presented itself for same-sex couples who reside in the District of Columbia, and also for couples who wish to obtain the certificate for a special memory.  We remind couples that planning a wedding is a part of marriage.  Plan it well and relax and enjoy.

For more information on my personalized wedding and commitment services

Please visit my website at http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.org/ and read the testimonials. Then complete the short form at the site and submit with comments. I will always ask the following questions in order to have a place to begin a conversation. Please consider these questions and provide with the initial form, or separately:

1. Venue (hotel, B&B, home, chapel, park, etc.) 
2. Rehearsal if planned, 
3. Same or separate spiritual paths, if applicable, 
4. How long have you known each other and how long has the relationship been intimate, 
5. How old are both of you, 
6. Have you been married before, or in a long term relationship, 
7. Are there children, please comment with ages, participation,
8. What are your professions and are you supportive of each other’s professional goals,
9. Are there any special rituals, poems, readings, blessings desired in the planning of the service,
10. Are you both willing to complete my questionnaire individually in order to write for text and tone,
11. What is your place of residence with zip code.  

Much time is saved knowing these items for a discussion by phone.

As a final note, please know that my week day (Monday-Thursday) fee is considered quite reasonable for a very small intimate ceremony. Weekends are isolated and generally encompass two days, especially with a rehearsal.  You will have to be the judge upon receipt of a detailed attachment with the projected fee, and if a hotel room is needed when a rehearsal is planned and the minister is requested.  I offer one extra possibility not generally known, and that is the opportunity for the entire fee for a wedding or commitment to be a tax deduction. Our priority is support of a non-religious, nonprofit, no stock public charity  with NO paid staff, which supports patients and families who come great distances without adequate funds to support their stay or visit to the University of Virginia Medical Center. The charity is located at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/.  The fee is slightly higher for this opportunity, but remember, the entire amount becomes tax deductible as a donation. This can be most advantageous for a couple or family in need of a tax write-off.  If this interests you, please ask and details will be included in the options I provide.

Blessings….Rev. Elisheva

Don’t Ask..Don’t Tell…Still as un-American as ever!

Dear LGBT Couples,

During the last several months we have received requests for commitments wherein one partner was active military. In two cases, that partner was being deployed or already in a war zone.  The requests were to have openly gay commitments with friends and family at a time when the policy of this country remains contradictory to America’s portrayal as a nation of equality for its citizens; in fact dictated by what should be totally separated from consideration, religious determination to continue to subvert a fundamental right of all citizens to serve and protect their country.

It grieves me to have to say it, but I strongly recommend that gay Americans in the military wait a bit longer to engage in an open commitment ceremony until “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed. Please note that I am not asking for anyone to wait until this country is mature enough to accept all fully qualified professionals equal acceptance in uniform.  I am saying don’t increase the risk factor while an awakened and open leadership is paving a path. There is now no doubt that President Obama, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen are engaged.

What is not abundantly clear to so many gay members of the military is that this open exposure allows all friends and family knowledge of your commitment, and this is a risky proposition. Not all friends may remain secretive, and not all family members pleased with your decision. Sometimes their religious zeal and background may lead to a determination to diminish your happiness, and your career.

 Your service is valued and needed, and as strong as the urge is to come out and simply be who you are, and allow others to know of the devotion to your partner, this open exposure through a ceremony should be delayed.  Especially is this true if you wish to remain in service of your country and continue to serve, and be served with the benefits of a service person. Please know that you are not living a lie…your country is.  Engage in all manner of ways to support the change, but work the magic while in uniform until the Constitution begins to work for you.

A commitment is about a life long partnership of love and devotion, and most certainly sexual intimacy, as a human being. We look forward to performing many more commitments and weddings which involve military members, but please wait until U.S. military integrity is established policy. That time is coming.

T. Wade Clegg III, Interfaith Minister
Major, USAFR Retired

What’s On Your Mind?

Conversation should always be reciprocal. Over the last few months, I have created several blog entries dealing with issues and concerns on my mind towards the LGBT community.  When I talk to my couples, I realize that there are many issues on their minds which are very worthwhile discussing. I would appreciate it very much if you, who are receiving this blog, would respond back to me with your personal concerns and issues.  These can be of a political, social, health-oriented, emotional, etc. nature. Anything that interests you, would probably be of interest to others.

Perhaps you would like to email me personally, and I certainly will respond accordingly. For those who would rather remain anonymous, please rest assured your confidentiality will remain in highest regard. But, I am sure there are many issues which can be openly and frankly discussed between all parties to the benefit of everyone.

If you are hesitant because I am an ordained minister and pastoral counselor, please disregard this fear! Because my aim is to help in solving issues and building bridges – NOT to preach or convert to any philosophy or religion in any way whatsoever.

Many of you may not be members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) http://www.hrc.org but may I suggest you take it into consideration to join as these people are the organization with the most power who have fought for equal rights and equality for the LGBT community.  I am very proud to be a standing member of the Religion & Faith Program Coalition which welcomes each and everyone of you into the fold.

I do hope I hear from you soon.  Have a blessed day.

Rev. Elisheva