A Personal note from Rev. Elisheva Clegg
This blog is being placed for all to read, but it is dedicated to all same-sex couples who are planning a commitment in the years ahead. I am hopeful that all who have allowed our participation in their commitments, and all I have married in DC, will openly encourage other same-sex couples to consider legal marriage versus a commitment ceremony.
For every same-sex couple who has requested information for a commitment since March 2010, we have forwarded guidance which is most of the information which follows in this blog entry. I have urged couples to turn their attention to a legal marriage certificate, which is open to them in Washington, D.C.
It's time to perform weddings, not commitments
I am now announcing that we have one more commitment scheduled in September this year. This was arranged many months ago; however, it will be the last commitment we will perform.
Our general range for assisting has been in a four state area, namely Virginia, Maryland, West Virginia and North Carolina. None of these states presently accept a legal wedding license from Washington, D.C., but it is the closest location for this wonderful opportunity for a same-sex couple.
There has been a strong wind blowing for full equality in this country, but I am not always confident that some locations are secured. There are political forces which have come to power which are determined to deny equality, and would if given the chance, take away the progress which has been made. Therefore, it behooves every same-sex couple to forego a commitment in those states where legal marriage is not accepted, and stand before their partner, with families and friends, and have their life-time commitment legally recognized in the Capitol City of the United States of America.
There is something special happening in The District of Columbia
As I often say in DC same-sex weddings, the shutters are now open in the nation's most revered city, and the light of freedom is flooding in. This opportunity is not to be ignored. I am now urging same-sex couples to review their plans, take the time for planning, budget for travel and time, and aim for a credential which is so meaningful in their life journey.
I am registered to marry in the District of Columbia for all marriages. DC is the closest opportunity for obtaining a legal marriage for same-sex couples for those states mentioned above. However, I have performed DC weddings this past year for couples from Texas, Ohio, Georgia, North Carolina, Maryland and Virginia. There is a definite appeal to all couples to come to the seat of government, the federal city, and register a legal lifetime commitment.
Same sex couples need to understand and plan...this is meant for you!
First, visit http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.blogspot.com and read the August 11, 2010 blog entry. Then scroll back to March 20 and March 12 entries. These items need your attention for thoughts about a same-sex wedding.
You have probably read the website at: http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.org but not the blog entries as described above. They were especially written for couples who live away from DC. Please read the other blog entries also as time allows.
This note is to encourage a plan to obtain that legal status which will have merit if you decide to move to a state where gay marriage legality in DC is accepted, which also includes New York, which does not actually have same-sex marriages. Then there is the case pending in MA, which may change for same-sex couples to have access to those same advantages under federal law afforded to opposite-sex marriages. There is much happening, and the time for YOU to take advantage of this marvelous shift in society is now.
When a minister may be your best choice for performing the wedding
Since March 2010 we have married six couples in DC. Two weddings were on riverboats, one in a hotel, one in a park, one in a home, and a student center. Two were large weddings, one a dozen friends, and others just a few people. When a couple wants the freedom to pick a comfortable setting, away from the courthouse for any size audience, and on the day and time of their own choice, then that opportunity is open through the services of a minister registered with the DC Clerk's Office.
When I marry someone in DC, they will have visited and applied for the license, and then returned at anytime later, which can be many months, and picked up the license and stayed for a few days which allowed for planning for a wedding date in conjunction with retrieving the license. This has worked well for most couples with proper planning, and some flexibility for the two trips to DC, of course the second trip generally with the wedding date also.
Couples within three to four hundred miles may consider planning a 2-day trip by car for visiting the clerk's office for making an application. You could drive up on a Sunday, spend the night near the city, and apply in DC at the Clerk's Office on early Monday and return home. Just an idea, but always call their office (see the link in one of the blog entries) to make sure they are open and not one of their off days or holidays.
Couples who live at considerable distances with the means to consider a short vacation in the Capitol City may wish to come for the week. Our last wedding was performed in The International Student House in January 2011. The couple arrived on a Sunday, applied for their license on Monday, picked up their license on Thursday, were married before close family and friends from Atlanta on Saturday and returned to Georgia on Sunday. It was a full week of sharing the sites in the District and northern Virginia.
You do have that courthouse option in the District
There is the option of marrying at the DC clerk's office, but most couples cannot plan to stay from the time of application for the ten days minimum until a court date can be set in the courthouse for an officer of the court to marry you. In addition, it is a short civil ceremony and with limited numbers able to attend at a very specific time. It is certainly reasonably priced, but generally only convenient to those who live in or near the City of Washington. I encourage exploration with the clerk's office. This may be the route for you.
Ministerial options for a personalized ceremony are many
Please know that my objective is to personalize a wedding in every case. This is accomplished through exchanges and answering my questionnaires individually so that I know hopes and dreams. The core theme is always the love of two people. Upon completion of the short form on my website, I will send my detailed attachment for further decision-making.
Week day weddings are Monday-Thursday. Weekend day weddings are Friday-Sunday. They are classified this way, since week days provide more openings for availability, and because spring, summer and early fall weekends are often booked. The fee is slightly higher and kept stable for the last two years. Until I know details for projecting to a couple, I do not generalize, but give very specific details for further decision-making.
The only difference in cost has been when a couple requests our presence the day before for a rehearsal or meeting, which entails a hotel room for one night. Then - the hotel room near or in the city is reserved and paid for by the couple, and this is not a part of the fee. Please note that a portion of every fee is allowed to be donated to our non-religious public charity which is a tax deductible opportunity.
Young gay couples so often have no idea where to start
We receive inquiries weekly from young couples who ask if they can marry legally in their state. Most of these couples are from North Carolina. These are young people who have been closed off from contact with large more progressive groups. Perhaps they are living in a strict religious family where there is no one to have open communication. Once there is maturity and loving connection with a partner, exploration begins. There is an excitement of learning what doors have been opened, and each generation is learning for the first time.
Once a couple has that legal marriage license, they can return home and plan a reception for family and friends who could not attend the ceremony in DC. It is important to host a reception or dinner to celebrate your marriage. Display the license at the gathering and involve others in this special celebration.
Join the groups which have credible information for equality efforts
I invite any young couple to carefully review this blog and the references offered. I am asking others to point those couples to this blog entry for exposure. It is also imperative that gay couples become members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). No single organization has made a bigger difference in the fight for equality than HRC. Every person with an HRC membership is kept informed. Do not neglect this affiliation.
When a gay couple returns home with their marriage license, it is imperative to arrange a meeting with an experienced, gay-friendly attorney in their own community. That license will establish the degree of seriousness and commitment of the couple. Some day it will make a difference, as the numbers grow, to bring total equality to all states. Meanwhile, a gay couple must move to have all necessary documents properly documented and filed for their own self-protection. This is not a casual directive; it is an absolute imperative.
That's it for now. I hope this has assisted. Planning a wedding is a part of marriage. Yes, in most cases the planning for a same-sex marriage is a bit more cumbersome for the long distance couple, but it is a journey which warrants taking time and making it happen.
Blessings ... Rev. Elisheva
