A personal note to a couple planning a commitment …
We are still performing commitments, but much more rarely. We believe it would be negligent not to encourage couples to consider a legal marriage in Washington, DC, since that opportunity has been available since March 2010. I am registered to marry in the District for all marriages.
This article is not to discourage a commitment service before a gathering of family to recognize and support your relationship for a life time. It is to encourage a plan to obtain that legal status which will have merit if you decide to move to a state where same-sex marriage is accepted, which also includes New York, which does not actually perform same-sex marriages. Be a part of that group of couples with legal standing somewhere. The larger the group standing, the greater the possibilities for legal progress.
Previous blog entries offer real guidance
If you scroll down to the March 12 and March 20 entries in this blog, there are two rather detailed articles for same-sex marriage planning in the District of Columbia. Those entries were written for couples who live at a distance from DC, and are looking for ideas and advice. Civil marriage in the DC Courthouse may be preferable for those who can drive to and from the District with ease, but for couples coming from a distance a personalized wedding with family in a setting that allows for celebration, no limitation for number of guests, and total flexibility for a date and time of day, hiring a registered minister to perform the marriage in a hotel, B&B, chapel, office, or even a park, is recommended.
Marriage first…then celebrate with all the home folks
On August 1, 2010 we met a couple in DC for an elopement-sized same-sex legal wedding, which followed their commitment in Richmond, Virginia in June. Had they not planned the large family event from last year, this probably would have been arranged quite differently, but once they had the plans in place, they had to proceed in Richmond. They then made the extra trips to DC to apply, pickup the license and meet us for a short ceremony in a park area.
There is real diversity of settings for a wedding in the District of Columbia
Since March we have married couples in DC on riverboats, in hotels, and under a shade tree in a park. Two were large weddings, one had a dozen friends, and others just the couple. Our March blog entries have links and suggestions for a B&B location, and of course those few national park settings where one can secure a time and location for a fee. Calvary Baptist Church has a large chapel and a larger sanctuary open for same-sex marriage. The options continue to expand. When in town for the application, take time to explore wedding sites. Once a site is secured and a schedule can be projected, contact us to determine availability.
When applying for a license, use that time for planning the wedding
When I marry someone in DC, they will have visited and applied for the license, and then returned at anytime later, which can be many months, picked up the license and stayed for a few days for a wedding in conjunction with retrieving the license. Many couples use the trip for applying for the license to scout the city and for making arrangements for the wedding at such time as they will return for the license. It’s all a matter of personal planning.
Having a friend or family member in or near DC can prove most helpful
If a couple has a friend or family member in or near DC, and the couple lives at a great distance, then that friend can make application with the Clerk for a couple. This can be a real convenience. You may want to contact the Clerk to access proper forms. Also, if a friend or family member has the receipt from the date the couple made application at the Clerk’s Office, then that person can also pick up the completed license for the couple and retain it until the couple returns. In case it has not been mentioned, weddings must be performed in the District.
More opportunities will occur as this Nation matures
There is a legal case in Massachusetts, which may change the law for same-sex couples to have access to those same advantages under federal law afforded to opposite-sex marriages. There is much happening. Even while writing this article on a Wednesday afternoon, August 4, 2010, the district court in California has ruled that Proposition 8 violated the U.S. Constitution. We believe in due course that same-sex marriage will be reinstated in California.
You must not take anything for granted…stay vigilant
There is a wind of equality blowing across this country, but never forget those forces of bigotry who will never accept the hope which the Constitution of the United States allows to all citizens. Stay alert to those with a mean spirited nature, especially those seeking or holding public office. Be keenly aware of their hate speech. Stay in touch with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and actively supportive.
Perhaps it is time to reconsider: a wedding in DC
So – what am I suggesting? It should be evident. Find a way, even if it is a matter of delay, to make a plan to apply and pick up the license for a legal marriage in Washington, DC. What has been known as a “commitment ceremony,” perhaps should be turned into a celebration of marriage back in your home state, provided those people who count in your lives have not already attended your marriage in DC. For those who could not attend, host a small dinner and display the license framed for all to see, and enjoy the gathering with family and friends. Bundle your joint resources and think “marriage.” That’s what I’m suggesting.
There are variations for all kinds of weddings and celebrations, and you are the coordinators for what is most comfortable and financially suitable for you. You now have a life-time partnership for detailed discussion, so use those combined resources to move forward.
Blessings…Rev. Elisheva
