Don’t Ask..Don’t Tell…Still as un-American as ever!

Dear LGBT Couples,

During the last several months we have received requests for commitments wherein one partner was active military. In two cases, that partner was being deployed or already in a war zone.  The requests were to have openly gay commitments with friends and family at a time when the policy of this country remains contradictory to America’s portrayal as a nation of equality for its citizens; in fact dictated by what should be totally separated from consideration, religious determination to continue to subvert a fundamental right of all citizens to serve and protect their country.

It grieves me to have to say it, but I strongly recommend that gay Americans in the military wait a bit longer to engage in an open commitment ceremony until “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed. Please note that I am not asking for anyone to wait until this country is mature enough to accept all fully qualified professionals equal acceptance in uniform.  I am saying don’t increase the risk factor while an awakened and open leadership is paving a path. There is now no doubt that President Obama, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen are engaged.

What is not abundantly clear to so many gay members of the military is that this open exposure allows all friends and family knowledge of your commitment, and this is a risky proposition. Not all friends may remain secretive, and not all family members pleased with your decision. Sometimes their religious zeal and background may lead to a determination to diminish your happiness, and your career.

 Your service is valued and needed, and as strong as the urge is to come out and simply be who you are, and allow others to know of the devotion to your partner, this open exposure through a ceremony should be delayed.  Especially is this true if you wish to remain in service of your country and continue to serve, and be served with the benefits of a service person. Please know that you are not living a lie…your country is.  Engage in all manner of ways to support the change, but work the magic while in uniform until the Constitution begins to work for you.

A commitment is about a life long partnership of love and devotion, and most certainly sexual intimacy, as a human being. We look forward to performing many more commitments and weddings which involve military members, but please wait until U.S. military integrity is established policy. That time is coming.

T. Wade Clegg III, Interfaith Minister
Major, USAFR Retired

What’s On Your Mind?

Conversation should always be reciprocal. Over the last few months, I have created several blog entries dealing with issues and concerns on my mind towards the LGBT community.  When I talk to my couples, I realize that there are many issues on their minds which are very worthwhile discussing. I would appreciate it very much if you, who are receiving this blog, would respond back to me with your personal concerns and issues.  These can be of a political, social, health-oriented, emotional, etc. nature. Anything that interests you, would probably be of interest to others.

Perhaps you would like to email me personally, and I certainly will respond accordingly. For those who would rather remain anonymous, please rest assured your confidentiality will remain in highest regard. But, I am sure there are many issues which can be openly and frankly discussed between all parties to the benefit of everyone.

If you are hesitant because I am an ordained minister and pastoral counselor, please disregard this fear! Because my aim is to help in solving issues and building bridges – NOT to preach or convert to any philosophy or religion in any way whatsoever.

Many of you may not be members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) http://www.hrc.org but may I suggest you take it into consideration to join as these people are the organization with the most power who have fought for equal rights and equality for the LGBT community.  I am very proud to be a standing member of the Religion & Faith Program Coalition which welcomes each and everyone of you into the fold.

I do hope I hear from you soon.  Have a blessed day.

Rev. Elisheva

Mind at Work…the name of a survey worth your time!

We received a note from one of our dearest friends who said that all he wanted for Christmas this year was another 300 people to assist him with a survey which he described as “one supreme project, one last potential contribution, which could turn out to be the most significant of all: my field research on spirituality.”

Daniel A. Helminiak is Professor in the humanistic and transpersonal Department of Psychology at the University of West Georgia. A Catholic priest, licensed professional counselor, and certified pastoral counselor, he holds PhD’s in both theology and psychology.

Daniel introduces his survey this way: People think differently. How does the human mind actually work? Help us to find out. Participate in an on-line survey. The questionnaire will help you think about your own thinking. And your responses will help us figure out what it is to be human. Log on at www.surveymonkey.com/mindatwork.

We took the survey and find it interesting. Read the opening introduction and then proceed. Perhaps 30 minutes of your time. Your participation is very much appreciated from a couple of friends who want to see this “supreme project” a supreme success.

Blessings…Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III

Marriage Research

I was asked by doctoral student, Cristina Reitz-Krueger, for assistance with her web-based study of engaged couples. This will only relate to a few couples who are not yet married; however, I would like to encourage those particular couples to read the blog entry and participate. Cristina is a researcher in the University of Virginia Department of Psychology.

Thank you…Rev. Elisheva

Engaged volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.

You can:

• Help a doctoral candidate;
• Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
• Support research on marriage and families; and
• Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at mailto:survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com

Your words are powerful!

We always say that the most opportune time to allow your voice to be heard, your words to be read, is NOW. This is certainly true for LGBT issues.

Some people are hesitant to actually send a note to the Letters to the Editor in your home town, but it is so vital that you take the time to originate even a letter of a few paragraphs to let the greater community know what needs their support. Your letter needs to follow the guidelines provided in the newspaper, such as number of words, etc. Be prepared that it will be edited, but if submitted in clear, concise language with the correct limitation on length, then editing of your text can be avoided.

Having your own editor review your letter before it is sent is important. In other words, discuss it with a friend to get feedback. Check spelling and punctuation. REMEMBER - if you want people to take your submission seriously, make sure it is not only factually correct, but projected in correct English. Then make sure your contact info is attached, such as address, phone, e-mail, and then signed.

Although you may have received the following letter as an example of my own e-mail to The Daily Progress in Charlottesville, Virginia, use it as an idea for writing your own thoughts, experiences, and request. Thanks for reading and participating in making equal opportunity a reality.

Here is a sample of my letter to an editor .... feel free to use it as an example :-)

A Letter to my Editor from Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

Mail to: Mail Box 105, 265 Turkey Sag Trail (Suite 102), Palmyra, VA 22963

Phone (434) 589-4864 e-mail: elishevanumber7@earthlink.net

It’s that time again to stand and replace that which is in place…
for it has no place…and never did!

You may not be aware that in 29 states it is legal to fire someone because they are lesbian, gay or bisexual. In 38 states, it’s legal to fire someone for being transgender. In other words for just being who he or she is.

Is there anyone with compassion who cannot see the injustice of making it legal to fire otherwise qualified employees by being who they are? If you were among the best workers in your company, but ever knowing that how you were designed by Nature or God or Both will forever leave you stranded in the fear of never knowing if today is your last day of employment, you would NOT immediately suspect the good ole USA of allowing such discrimination, would you?

Does the elimination of this injustice sound like a “special right” is being granted?
Does being elevated to the same level of consideration of everyone else in the work force, without fear of being eliminated, not hired, not promoted seem like a special right?

If anyone who is practicing a religion really believes that is a special right, then they are practicing a religion which has lost its compassion. Yet, there are those who would continue to paint a star on the backs of certain individuals in order to dehumanize them.

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H.R. 3017) would make it illegal to fire, refuse to hire, or refuse to promote employees based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. The act is also referred to as ENDA, but one should not use an acronym when speaking of discrimination. One must spell it out.


Stop discrimination against any American citizen who is deserving of earning a living, is qualified to earn a living, and who is diligently performing a job to earn a living. This country was founded upon the principle of equal opportunity. This was imbedded in my brain from first grade. It stuck with me. Did it stick with you?
Our government must continue to uphold this value for all Americans.

There are no religions which believe in kindness toward neighbors and loving them as yourself which allows a belief that you are superior to some human beings and that you are granted the privilege of being hateful. If you are in the presence of those who are promoting such destructiveness, you should find a different path as soon as possible.

The fully-inclusive Employment Non-discrimination Act is now before the Congress. It is another opportunity to remove that which is hateful. It will ensure fair treatment for all workers. Tell your Senators and Representative that equal opportunity is an American principle good enough for ALL 50 STATES!


Blessings…T. Wade

LGBT Resource Center at UVA Charlottsville

Since we are located in the Charlottesville area and value the UVA LGBT Resource Center for a diversity of information, it is only appropriate to provide this entry for contact by students and community interests to make contact for potential use of their rather in depth resources. Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) Resource Center at the University of Virginia supports lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning students, faculty, staff, and alumni. Founded under the Office of the Dean of Students in 2001, with generous financial support from the Serpentine Society, the Resource Center works both to raise awareness and inclusion of sexual and gender minorities and to provide information, referral, support, and programming to the University community. Some programs and services include The LGBT Resource Center Speakers Bureau, Safe Space Training, weekly Coffee Hour, Lavender Graduation, presentation of the V. Shamim Sission Ally of the Year Award, Proud to be Out Week, social/support groups, and free/confidential, monthly HIV testing with AIDS Services Group of Charlottesville.


Located in the center of Grounds, in Newcomb Hall Room 435, the Resource Center is both a physical space and a programming center for the university. Whether you’re questioning, coming out, queer, or an ally, the Resource Center has something for you. The LGBT Resource Center is fully-staffed by UVA students and provides a library of over 300 books, DVDs, and videos for check-out. The center also provides free safe sex materials and resource information from local, state, and national organizations.

Open Monday through Friday, 11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

For more information, please contact lgbtrc@virginia.edu .

Or Ed Warwick, Coordinator of the LGBT Resource Center at edwarwick@virginia.edu

Welcome from Reverend Elisheva

This is the first blog posting on the Rainbow website. The article is meant to inform couples who are considering a commitment or marriage (where allowed) to become fully acquainted with current opportunities.

Couples who have already joined in commitment or marriage may want to take note of the HRC links also, in order to stay current on movement toward equality.

Several questions, which are constantly asked, are restated and answered in the article. Remember – each generation arrives at a moment of interest in commitment. We often forget that many young LGBT couples have no idea as to how to begin their search for information, especially when raised and isolated in many religious environments.

Perhaps this blog will allow that opportunity to assist the “older” generation and allow the younger group to become better educated. In due course this blog will offer significant links for extended guidance.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva