A Poem for All Seasons Every Day

On page 10 from "Poems that Touch the Heart," Compiled by A.L. Alexander, first published in April 1941 is this memorable lesson. Yes - it is directed from a man who is determined to relate for all listeners a reminder of the importance of giving voice to his loved one. This message rings just as loud for all relationships. Simply substitute a few pronouns and make it apply to the him in your life. Tell Her So  Amid the cares of married strife In spite of toil and business life If you value your dear wife - Tell her so! When days are dark and deeply blue She has her troubles, same as you Show her that your love is true Tell her so! Don't act as if she's past her prime As tho' to please her were a crime If ever you loved her, now's the time - Tell her so! She'll return for each caress A hundred fold of tenderness, Hearts like hers were made to bless; Tell her so! You are hers and hers alone; Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on a stone - Tell her so! Never let her heart grow cold Richer beauties will unfold She is worth her weight in gold Tell her so!                                                AUTHOR UNKNOWN If we had one more thing to say, do not delay another day. Happy New Year ... Elisheva and T. Wade

Maryland is Now a Terrific Option

Same-Sex Marriage  opportunity expanded this past year

We experienced another opportune location for same-sex marriages, especially couples from Virginia and West Virginia looking for alternatives.  Most recently we met a couple from West Virginia in Frederick, Maryland. Initially,  they had planned on arranging their ceremony in Washington, DC, but it just so happened that the government shutdown was causing a lot of concerns.  It was just the two of them, no other attendees, and they wanted a personalized wedding, versus a short civil ceremony at the Courthouse. There was considerable flexibility for rearrangement,  and most hotels in Frederick tend to be less costly than in DC and certainly have more vacancies in the middle of the week.

We love to travel to Washington, D.C.  ...  but Maryland has some advantages

  

For same-sex couples who are forced to travel to these two locations from all states south, Maryland has less waiting time with processing a license.  One must wait 48 hours in Maryland, whether being married by an Officer of the Court, or a qualified minister away from the Court.  In DC the minimum waiting time is 3 working days for the Clerk to process the license after application, and then have a ceremony performed by a minister away from the Court. However, if a couple wishes to be married by an Officer of the DC Court, that requires a bit more planning. The minimum waiting time from application to return for pickup of the license is ten (10) days, and also have an appointment for a civil ceremony at the Courthouse.

Whatever is offered next is worth knowing early, but always call the Clerk for late info

The Circuit Court for Frederick County is located at 100 West Patrick Street, Frederick, Maryland 21701. Their hours are 8:30 AM - 4:00 PM Monday-Friday.  We went along with the couple to return their completed license the next morning after an intimate wedding ceremony at the hotel the night before. This was the first time that we had stayed over at a wedding location and personally provided the license, but the couple had a deadline for obtaining a military identification for one partner, so we were happy to delay one night and accompany them to the Clerk's office so they could quickly obtain stamped copies before returning home.  

More things to know regarding Marriage Licenses in Frederick, Maryland

•     $75.00 CASH ONLY (Non-refundable) - No Checks or Credit Cards   
•     You must wait 48 hours before you can be married.  
•     After the 48 hours has passed, the license is valid for 6 months.  
•     License must be used in Frederick County only.  Note: If you obtain a license in another  Maryland County, then you must have the ceremony in that county.  
•     Only one party (partner) must be present to apply.  
• When you apply in person the Clerk's Office requires the following info for both parties  
•     Full names  
•     Current Physical Address  
•     Ages  
•     State or Country of birth (if born outside of the U.S.)  
•     Marital Status - If there have been previous marriages, please supply the month, day, year, county and state of how EACH AND EVERY ONE ended, whether by divorce or death.  
•     Social Security  numbers are mandatory; however, they will not be public record.  
•     And finally - if a couple wants a Civil Ceremony, those are performed between the hours of 8:30 AM - 3:30 PM Monday - Friday. The ceremony fee is $25.00 payable by cash only. No appointments are taken.  There are a number of helpful staff members in the Clerk's Office, but we were served by "Bonnie," just in case you need a contact. The phone number is (301) 600-1964.

 When we enjoy a hotel, we let it be known

The wedding for the aforementioned couple was performed in their hotel suite at the Hilton Garden Inn, 7226 Corporate Court, Frederick, Maryland 21703.  There was adequate room for another half dozen guests, had that been needed; however, this hotel with a nice restaurant and helpful staff, has many expandable first floor meeting rooms which are used for larger weddings with receptions. We talked to Cathy Vargo, Catering & Sales, who was delighted to learn of the wedding, and suggested that interested parties should call or e-mail her for assistance in the future. E-mail cathy.vargo@hilton.com.  Phone (240) 566-1504.  We think you will enjoy the visit to this lodging facility with family and friends, or just as a couple. Frederick, Maryland may  just be the town to start your married life!

Blessings ... Reverends Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III

News Worth Knowing - an Article from Reuters

By Amanda Becker Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:13pm EDT (Reuters) - The Department of Labor on Wednesday said same-sex couples in legal marriages can participate in employee benefit plans, even if the state they live in does not recognize gay marriage. Same-sex spouses, regardless of where they live, can now participate in the private retirement and healthcare plans overseen by the department's Employee Benefits Security Administration (EBSA), the department said in a release. The move comes after the U.S. Supreme Court's June decision in United States v. Windsor, which extended federal benefits to those in same-sex marriages. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez called the ruling a "historic step forward" and said the department would work to implement it in a way providing "maximum protection" for American workers. "By providing greater clarity on how the Supreme Court's decision affects one of the laws we enforce, we are contributing to greater equality and greater protection for America's working families," EBSA Assistant Secretary Phyllis Borzi said. EBSA oversees 701,000 private retirement plans and 2.3 million health plans, according to the department. Perez said in an August email sent to department employees that the agency had begun to prepare its response to the Supreme Court ruling. One of its first determinations was that same-sex couples would be covered by the Family Medical Leave Act. But at that point, Perez did not say whether it would apply to same-sex couples who were legally married in one jurisdiction but who were currently residing in jurisdictions where their marriages were not recognized. Gay rights advocates hailed the department's decision to adopt a "state of celebration" rule, which recognizes all legally married couples regardless of location, in determining eligible benefit plan participants. "We urge Secretary Perez and the Labor Department to push for full legal equality, and re-write the Family Medical Leave Act regulations to adopt these same 'state of celebration' rules so that all married couples - no matter where they live - can have job protections," said Tico Almeida, founder and president of Freedom to Work, a gay rights group, in a statement. (Editing by Kevin Drawbaugh and Ken Wills)

2nd Annual Charlotttesville Pride Festival

Saturday, September 14, 2013   11-7 p.m.   Lee Park   Visit  CvillePride.org for complete contact info Good Works and Cville Pride go Hand in Hand Reverend Elisheva Clegg, ordained Interfaith Minister and Pastoral Counselor, MA, and a frequent traveler to Washington DC to perform same-sex marriages for LGBT couples, will once again be sharing a tent with Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum (IHS), the ALL volunteer, non-profit, no stock, non-religious, 501(c)3  public charity which she was instrumental in founding in 2008. Let's be clear: NO ONE IS PAID at the charity. Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum has a Gold Seal rating on Guidestar as meeting the highest standards for transparency. The charity is also a member of the Center for Nonprofit Excellence (CNE) in Charlottesville.   A Same-Sex couple can never say there was no one to talk to in Charlottesville! Rev. Elisheva has been a consistent advocate for human rights, and especially equality issues for the LGBT community. She and her husband have been supportive members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) for many years. She also offers counseling sessions ( what she calls "tabletop discussions with coffee and pastries") in Charlottesville for couples considering a legal marriage in DC, from which all counseling fees can go directly to the IHS charity. Rev. Elisheva's objectives are clearly about communion, not conversion When asked about any confusion with being under the same tent with the non-religious charity which was solely originated as another safety net for the indigent patients and caregivers who travel for hundreds of  miles to be served at the UVA Medical Center, the former overnight UVA volunteer chaplain said, "All of my ministerial fees, especially for weddings, allow for a sizable portion to be donated by couples to the IHS charity. My married couples and their families continue to assist in funding this worthy effort over the years. One needs eternal friends to assist in such a critically needed charity." A Final Point of Clarification regarding Rev. Elisheva and the public charity   In a recent fund-raising event, a man questioned Rev. Elisheva about the name of the public charity being called "Interfaith,"  which lead him to believe it was a religious organization. She responded  that it was indeed her background as a child born in war-torn Germany and her interfaith ministry which stimulated a desire to promote good works where most needed  She also said that perhaps it would have been more appropriate to have named it "Any Faith and None" or just 'Humanitarian Sanctum' or some such designation; but, ' Interfaith'  is a philosophy of total inclusion, which is dedicated to building bridges ... and it just felt right!"  She also emphasized that IHS is being supported by a real diversity of churches (Unitarian Universalists, Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Jewish, Mormon, etc.), all recognizing that the sole objective of  IHS is to serve the physical needs of  the least able among us.                   So - now you know!  Come celebrate inclusion with us...  September 14th!

Treated Equally by Their Government - Not in Virginia!

"It would be nice if, for once, the Old Dominion didn't have to be dragged into the future kicking and screaming." That line above caught our attention in an e-mail from Equality Virginia. Then it lead us to the full article below. We asked Barton Hinkle, writer for the Richmond Times Dispatch, for permission to introduce it to our blog readers. He said yes.   We performed one of the first same-sex marriages just days after approval in Washington, D.C. And we will continue to drive up to the nation's Capitol, presently the closest zone of equality for same-sex marriage. However, it will be such a pleasure when the opportunity comes to Virginia , and those bumper stickers can reflect for everyone that "Virginia is for Lovers."                                                                                                                                     Blessings ... Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III Hinkle: Repeal the marriage amendment A. Barton Hinkle bhinkle@timesdispatch.com  Sunday, June 30, 2013 12:00 am Last week's twin Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage have left final disposition of the question to the states. So now would be a good time for Virginia and the 30 others with constitutional amendments banning same-sex unions to start repealing them. Even the most strident social conservatives generally do not dispute the principle animating the drive for same-sex marriage: the "fundamental right of all people," as the Cato Institute put it during litigation over DOMA and California's Proposition 8, "to be treated equally by their government." Governments must not discriminate "based solely on differences that are irrelevant to legitimate governmental objectives." But there is no compelling governmental reason to deny gay couples equal marriage rights or the benefits that attend them. Government's elemental duty consists of protecting individual rights from aggression. Same-sex marriages imperil nobody's rights. They harm no one. Hence opponents have conjured up other rationales. We are told, for instance, that marriage equality somehow threatens "the institution of marriage." This is akin to arguing that letting gay couples open bank accounts threatens the institution of banking. It not only does not follow, it is counterintuitive. Voluminous evidence suggests other social forces have eroded traditional marriage while gay marriage has left it unscathed. Marriage's worst declines occurred in the 1960s and 1970s - long before gay marriage arrived on the scene. And where gay marriage has been legalized, other marriages have not suffered. Massachusetts approved gay marriage a decade ago. Marriage rates there shot up shortly afterward as gay couples wed, and have remained steady since. What's more, in states that have legalized gay marriage, divorce rates have been lower, on average, than before legalization. They also have been lower than the national average. Nationwide, marriage rates are higher among those who tend to support gay marriage - well-to-do college graduates - than among cohorts that support gay marriage less. This shouldn't come as a big surprise. Time and again, social conservatives confronted with imminent progress have predicted dire consequences that never came to pass. Women's suffrage was condemned as an "exceedingly dangerous" experiment that would destroy chivalry, defy God's will, violate biological law, and require "a radical change in human nature of which the world has never given the faintest sign." Women gained the vote - and yet somehow, Western civilization abides. Opponents of integrating the armed forces similarly denounced the notion as an "experiment" that would "cripple our national defense" and "result in ultimate defeat." It didn't. Foes of integrating the schools warned that doing so would ruin "the amicable relations between the white and Negro races," bring "unending violence and strife," and destroy public education. It didn't. Critics of repealing "don't ask, don't tell" warned that letting homosexuals serve openly in the military would threaten "unit cohesion," "break the all-volunteer force," etc. It didn't. Perhaps because of this record, the dwindling cadre that opposes gay marriage is falling back on less empirical arguments: Marriage is for procreation; polygamy's a-comin'; the Bible condemns homosexuality. (True. It also decrees, in Deuteronomy 22:13-21, that a bride who is not a virgin "shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death." Maybe we should look elsewhere for legislative guidance.) As the case against gay marriage has grown weaker, public support for it has grown stronger. Seven years ago, 57 percent of voters approved Virginia's ban on same-sex marriage. Today, 56 percent of Virginians think gay marriage should be legal. That is bad news for Ken Cuccinelli, the Republican candidate for governor, who remains staunchly opposed to gay marriage in particular and to homosexuality in general, which he considers "intrinsically wrong." It might be better news for Cuccinelli's Democratic opponent, Terry McAuliffe - if McAuliffe had any discernible principles, or courage to match them. McAuliffe gave tepid, pro-forma applause to last week's Supreme Court decisions but refuses to say whether Virginia should repeal its gay marriage ban. That leaves only Robert Sarvis, the Libertarian candidate, who notes Virginia's sordid history in matters marital: Not until 1967, in the case of Richard and Mildred Loving, was Virginia's ban on interracial marriage overturned. "If it weren't for the courage of the Lovings," Sarvis says, "I might not have been able to marry the woman I love. But today, Virginia still isn't for all lovers. That's why I want to honor the Loving legacy and lead the fight now, in this election, to recognize same-sex marriage in Virginia." The clear trajectory of the issue indicates that same-sex marriage eventually will come to pass, in Virginia and the rest of the country, just as women's suffrage, school desegregation, interracial marriage and all the rest did. It would be nice if, for once, the Old Dominion didn't have to be dragged into the future kicking and screaming. bhinkle@timesdispatch.com

It's Worth Reading Again!

It's Worth Reading Again! I asked the ACLU if I could reprint their article received June 26, 2013.  It is below, just in case you did not see it, and need to retain access to their site.  It is important to retain accurate information and read actual cases, and one important source in this fight for equality is the ACLU.   http://www.acluva.org  Stay involved ... the fight is not over We do not assume that everyone knows that the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) are leaders in this on-going movement. We urge you and yours to stay actively involved. Rev. T. Wade and I have been active supporters and  visited Congress with HRC supporters when seeking to repeal Don 't Ask Don't Tell (DADT), among other critical topics. Since that ridiculous law was ended, so much work has been accomplished to bring us to to the high Court's decisions of June 26. Stay Vigilant! Be ALL that you can be, but BE who you are! Much love ... Reverend Elisheva Major U.S. Supreme Court Victories for Marriage Equality! Today, the ACLU of Virginia, along with thousands of allies and LGBT community members around the United States, celebrates a monumental victory in the fight for the freedom to marry.  In a 5-4 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court made a historical decision to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional, recognizing that there is no valid reason for the federal government to treat legally married LGBT couples any differently because of their sexual orientation. The Court ruling came in Windsor v. U.S., an ACLU lawsuit filed on behalf of Edie Windsor, a widowed lesbian who, after the death of her spouse Thea Spyer, was required to pay over $360,000 in federal estate taxes -- taxes she would not have owed if she were married to a man. In the second LGBT rights case decided today, the Court ruled that proponents of Prop 8, a California referendum that overturned the freedom to marry in that state, did not have legal standing to challenge a federal court decision that Prop 8 was invalid and unconstitutional. The Supreme Court decision has the effect of restoring the freedom to marry for Californians.  The result is that one-third of Americans now live in jurisdictions in which the freedom to marry is equally available to LGBT and straight couples. What does this all mean for Virginia?  First, the federal government will now treat all Virginians legally married in other states the same regardless of sexual orientation.  That means the 1,100 federal benefits tied to marriage will become available to legally married Virginians regardless of the fact that Virginia doesn't recognize their marriages.  As an example, the Secretary of Defense issued this statement today concerning actions the Defense Department will take that will affect members of the military and their spouses stationed here: "The Department of Defense welcomes the Supreme Court's decision today on the Defense of Marriage Act. The department will immediately begin the process of implementing the Supreme Court's decision in consultation with the Department of Justice and other executive branch agencies. The Department of Defense intends to make the same benefits available to all military spouses -- regardless of sexual orientation -- as soon as possible. That is now the law and it is the right thing to do." Second, while we celebrate the freedom to marry now accorded our friends in California and the 12 other jurisdictions that recognize same-sex marriage, the discrimination written into Virginia's constitution in 2006 (which prohibits any governmental recognition of any relationships other than marriage between a man and a woman) remains unaffected by today's decisions.   That is why the ACLU of Virginia is recommitting itself to ensuring that the freedom to marry can be enjoyed equally by all Virginians.  While we moved closer to that goal today, in Virginia it remains a goal to be achieved rather than a reality to be celebrated. We look forward to working with you in this important effort.

Let's Talk Weather!

More specifically ...  Let's address the landscape for having a marvelous escape As wedding ministers who travel frequently,  the opportunities to experience every month of the year allows us a multitude of experiences.  It also allows for making suggestions to couples, which may mean some extra planning.  No - I am not talking about changing dates, since booking of a venue most likely has already been secured by deposit for a favored location. I am speaking of making plans to secure the best possible outcome for the ceremony. Large or small weddings require the same attention to attendees There is considerable flexibility for small weddings, but no less attention is required for even a few special guests.  They all come to enjoy, listen intently and remember your special day. It does not have to be a perfect setting or perfect weather; it does require adaptability for comfort.  If indeed there is a need to quickly move inside, has that move been reviewed and planned with adequate staff to take chairs, decorations, and equipment inside?  How long will such a change take?  Is there a planned cut-off time for making the move, and no procrastination?  If a small venue or home wedding, let friends know that they may be recruited for extra duties as the situation dictates. There are better months for planning for outdoor weddings ... so pre-planning is best When scouting venues, talk to location managers or locals, and listen carefully.  As said, we always look at the location on an inquiry form, plus the date, time of day, and size of audience. These factors are all important in early planning, especially for an outdoor ceremony. The very first response to most couples, especially when hosting a large to medium size audience is to make sure that an alternative plan is absolutely in place for moving inside quickly and efficiently.  Yes - it's wonderful to be out in a park or on a beach, until a storm arrives and everyone is forced to either run or sit in total discomfort for a twenty minute ceremony. This can be an adventure for many young people, but rest assured that elderly people with health concerns will not be so enchanted by nature's unexpected turn.  Check the forecast beginning days in advance, and discuss deadlines for movement inside There are months which can be bone-chillingly cold.  And there are months when the heat will melt the candles.  Both conditions affect the comfort of guests, and that can be very disappointing. Friends and family have generally traveled for a day of comfortable surroundings. Thirty minutes outside with a wind chill of thirty-five degrees and no covering can make for a very long ceremony. The same is true when the temperature is one hundred degrees at 3 PM on the lawn of a golf club.  The formal wear begins to be most burdensome. Unexpected cool weather is generally the most disruptive... although heat can be dangerous Cold and wet attire, wind chill, and sitting still and listening for 20-30 minutes is not enjoyable. Do not expect the best voice from a minister or reader, and especially for singers and musicians when the conditions are so challenging.  Sunrise weddings may work for an elopement for ten minutes, but quite frankly even ministers tend to pass on some challenges. When a  minister speaks of situations from hundreds of ceremonies ... LISTEN! As much as a couple can be determined to make it work, the first concern must be the guests and female members of a wedding party with naked shoulders shivering in the wind.  May -September are the most popular months, but when it's hot, heat stroke can occur. Standing members can become faint.  Most ceremonies can be situated outside at the time of day when shade will fall on the audience, or a tent may be erected to provide some cover. However, the heat may not be diminished very much, and guests should be provided water abundantly.  When direct sun is a concern, then guests should be allowed to stay in the shade until the last minute and then told to take their places in an open seating arrangement. They must NEVER be allowed to sit and boil while the wedding party is running late for entry. A possibility often neglected Venues in the cooler months should not be overlooked. Take the group inside a cozy hotel or B&B for a wonderful environment.  Most venues will be less apt to be filled, and may even offer special price considerations.  Most ministers are delighted to receive inquiries during the winter months.  Of course there may be a need for caution for those months when snows can arrive, such as January-March.  This can diminish travel by air and auto, but generally not for more than a day. Also, many friends and family may actually be more readily available for attendance and able to leave working obligations in the early part of the year.  Just sharing. Remember - whenever and wherever the ceremony takes place,  it will be the most important ceremony in your lives.  However, there is wisdom in close scrutiny and early planning.  Also - the couple who plans together will enjoy the process so much more.  Planning a wedding is a part of marriage. Much love ... Reverend Elisheva