Every Virginian Should Have The Right to Marry!

Email to Senator McEachin, Senator 9th District, Commonwealth of Virginia: On Mon, Feb 1, 2016 at 7:11 PM, <elishevanumber7@earthlink.net wrote: Reverend Thomas Wade Clegg III Mail Box 105, 265 Turkeysag Trl, Suite 102 Palmyra, VA 22963 February 1, 2016 Sen. McEachin: I am writing to ask that you vote against SB 40 when it comes for a vote before the Senate Courts of Justice Committee. This bill would allow all clerks and deputy clerks in the commonwealth to refuse to issue a marriage license to any couple if the clerk objects to the marriage based on "personal, ethical, moral, or religious grounds." That means government officials could deny the right to marry to couples if the clerk doesn't like their sexuality, skin color, political affiliation or for any other reason. This is just wrong. Fundamental reasons why SB 40 should be defeated are: - Freedom of religion does not mean freedom to discriminate - No law authorizes or requires an accommodation of religious beliefs that burden others. - SB 40 would deny Virginians the fundamental right to marry. - Allowing couples to get licenses elsewhere does not save this bill. I hope I can count on you to do the right thing for Virginia and your district and vote against this awful, discriminatory bill. Thank you. Sincerely, Thomas Wade Clegg III RESPONSE FROM SENATOR McEACHIN From: Senator Donald McEachin [mailto:district09@senate.virginia.gov] Sent: Monday, February 01, 2016 8:49 PM To: elishevanumber7@earthlink.net Subject: Re: Every Virginian should have the right to marry! Dear Mr. Clegg, Thanks for writing me about sb 40. Please know I share your concern. I do not believe we should be legalizing bigotry or prejudice. I believe all Virginians deserve equal opportunity, justice and fairness. Thanks for your advocacy on this important subject.   Take care, A. Donald McEachin

When Family Participation is Really Special

On October 10, 2015 the late afternoon weather was perfect at Early Mountain Vineyards in Madison, Virginia for the wedding of Emily James and Johannes Harkema. There were a lot of Europeans at this gathering. The Harkema family flew in from the Netherlands. Family and friends are often asked to participate in a ceremony. Sometimes a talented friend or sibling will be asked to sing. Sometimes a family will have multiple musicians, and form a band for this one-time special occasion. Most certainly, readers will be found to give diversity to the ceremony. On this day among the participants was Poet David L. James, Professor of English from the Orchard Ridge Campus, Oakland Community College in Farmington Hills, Michigan. Dr. James is Emily's uncle. He wrote and delivered a special poem entitled "Our Hope." With the permission of Professor James, and for the first time in print for public enjoyment, please find the very personal words written for Emily James on the occasion of her marriage to Johannes Harkema. OUR HOPE    for Emily and J.J., Oct. 10, 2015 it's easy to see the love in your eyes, in your faces. we can even feel the love in your hearts, beating just under the skin. but it's the love six, ten, seventeen, twenty-nine years from this very day- like a well-worn pair of shoes, like your favorite ripped ball cap, like that shirt you will never throw out, thin and frayed, stained down the front, it's that kind of love we hope for. love that won't let go in any storm, that sits up with you late at night when you're sick, a love that forgives and understands and steers you back when you lose your bearings and drift away. it's a love that plants itself in your heart and branches through the blood stream, like ivy wrapping around the ribs and hip bone, down the arms and legs until you can't imagine a world without each other, without his hand around your waist, without her laughter in your ears, that's the love we want for you, a love that lifts you into the sky like it's normal, like it happens all the time, and when you look ahead, all you can ever see is the future smiling in the distance, waving for you to follow.  David James

Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

The Marriage License - A Couple's Responsibility

Even though my e-mail attachments to inquiries fully explain how we work and make many helpful suggestions, sometimes over the course of every year, someone will not read these critical items for accomplishment. One item which is sometimes skipped over, and wrongfully ASSUMED, is that the minister will obtain a marriage license for the couple. As most will recognize, this is not a logical assumption. The marriage license must be purchased by the couple and presented to the minister or officiant at the ceremony. The Rules and Fees are different in each state Virginia is our prime area for performing weddings, although we do travel into adjacent states. We are still asked to come to parts of West Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C. Most North Carolina requests are simply too far for travel. Also there will be extra costs for the minister's lodging. There are Interfaith Ministers in many major metro areas of that state. However, each state and the District of Columbia have an easily accessed Clerk of the Court with a Marriage Bureau. I mention these areas specifically, for I am registered and approved for performing legal weddings in these states and in DC, as well as many other locations. Allow me to speak about Virginia in general, then call a local Clerk for the details In every county in Virginia is a Clerk of the Court. In the Clerk's Office is a Marriage Bureau, or similar name. Each office can be accessed by phone or on-line website. Information is fully spelled out on these websites, but if anything is not absolutely clear, pick up that phone and call and take notes. If needed, the couple can visit the Clerk's Office for clarification. Most licenses are about $30-$35, but can be higher. The license is good for a period of sixty (60) days, which means that you do not want to make a purchase until you have a solid date for the actual ceremony. You do not want the license to expire before a legal wedding can be performed. If it does, you will have to purchase another license. My suggestion is to purchase the license from 7-14 days before the ceremony. In Virginia the license is provided to the minister or officiant by the couple, on or just before the wedding date. The minister will retain the license, complete and sign it (no witnesses are required), and mail it directly to the Clerk within days of the wedding. The couple is given information by the Clerk's Office at the time of purchase regarding cost for original copies (only a few dollars per copy) and where to send a request for copies. The couple needs to keep this information for any future need for copies of the marriage license. In Virginia a couple can purchase the marriage license at any Clerk's office and use it immediately at any location within the state. A license is only good in the state where it is obtained.  There are waiting periods and other restrictions in other states, but once you have the license in Virginia, you are not restricted for immediate pursuit of being wed. The state of Maryland has some restrictions such as a waiting period of 48 hours from purchase until hosting a ceremony, and the license in Maryland is only good within the county where the license was purchased.  This makes Virginia less problematic for late purchases, but a couple's planning should not be allowed to wait until the last week day before a ceremony. Don't be surprised when a government office is closed for a holiday. If you do wait, problems can arise, and a legal wedding may be delayed. Just sharing. A Final Note of Importance ... I do not marry couples inside courthouses A couple may think that ministers will marry them in a courthouse or the Clerk's Office. I do not perform weddings in courthouses. On the marriage license form is a block which I must mark as a "religious" ceremony, and religious ceremonies are not performed in courthouses. I do perform "non-religious" ceremonies, but that is not the same as a "civil" ceremony performed inside a courthouse setting.  Many Clerk's offices do not have arrangements for marrying a couple in their facility, while others may be able to schedule a couple for an Officer of the Court to perform a short civil ceremony.  Use your time wisely to get the details needed for planning. Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

A Most Pleasant Place for a Most Intimate Wedding

Over the last ten years we have been asked if we perform "elopement" size weddings. What that generally means is just a couple alone or perhaps a few friends or family members (usually six or less) accompanying the couple. So - YES ... we do perform very small weddings at homes or farms, and under large shade trees at one favorite public location mostly on week days away from the crowded venues geared to weekend events. The location is Pleasant Grove Park, located along Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53) just 12 miles from Mr. Jefferson's home of Monticello, between Charlottesville and Palmyra, Virginia. A Magnificent change has taken place over the last few years at Pleasant Grove The large 800 acre park now has something for everyone, but one dynamic transformation has been the renovation of the 1854 William Douglas Haden House, which had been empty for years. The Haden House is now a Visitor's Center and Museum, and offices are open daily Monday-Friday. The House Museum hours are open for four hours on Saturday and Sunday. There is a restroom building next to the parking lot at the rear of Haden House open during business hours, and many locations under the large shade trees for reserving time for a wedding. There is even the opportunity during normal business hours to use the small reading room upstairs in the House, if inclement weather intrudes for an outside ceremony.   Your best bet for details is to call Malinda Payne Monday-Friday at (434) 589-2016   Reading Room for Inside Wedding Again, here is the link for more information about Fluvanna County's Pleasant Grove Park. When mapquesting the location, the address is 1736 Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53), Palmyra, VA 22963. What will be a truly pleasant surprise is how reasonable the fees are for reserving space and equipment for weddings and family gatherings. As time allows, check out Fluvanna County's latest and greatest addition for creating memories. THEN - give us a call or send an e-mail and let's plan your wedding in this lovely country setting.   Grinding Wheel Outside

Central Florida's First Same-Sex Marriage

The following article was received from U.S. Representative Alan Grayson's most recent involvement to secure equality in the State of Florida. Alan Grayson represents the 9th District of Florida. It was so appealing that I wanted everyone to have a chance to read what wonderful work he is doing for the LGBTQ community. Representative Grayson continues to be a champion and supporter of equality for all. Enjoy .... T. Wade Clegg III  Following decades of forceful advocacy and exhaustive legal battles, marriage equality finally arrived in the State of Florida this week. Pursuant to an equal protection court ruling that went into effect at the end of the day on Jan. 5, I persuaded the Osceola County Commission to direct the Osceola Clerk of the Court to open his doors at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 6, and license the first same-sex marriages in the history of Central Florida . When desperate right-wing groups urged prosecution - yes, prosecution - of Court Clerks who carried out their Constitutional duties, I obtained a commitment from our local prosecutor that no such prosecutions would take place. And then, at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 6, I joined the first couple, my friend County Commissioner Cheryl Grieb and her partner of 22 years, as their ring-bearer. As we waited for the clock to strike 12, I made a brief speech that night, and I'd like to share it with you. Feel free to share it with whomever you love - no matter what gender they may be. "We're here tonight for one of the most special of all special occasions. Going back through all of human history, we know that when a couple comes together, it's not just a celebration for them, but at a celebration for the entire community. Tonight we celebrate equality for all. It's bringing people together so that they can be joined in matrimony, and witness two, becoming one. For the first time in Central Florida, that applies to everyone, each one of us. One of the greatest blessings that any elected official could ever possibly give to his constituents is equality. Justice, peace, and equality. Tonight, a friend of a friend texted me, and said that she wasn't going to get married here tonight. But she's glad that she has the right to do that now. And there are a lot of people tonight who are going to get married, and a lot of other people who are joined now, in equal protection under the law. They are no longer second-class citizens, but first-class citizens, like everyone else. Tonight we see the fulfillment of the real American dream. The real American dream is not a house, a job, or a 401(k) plan. The real American Dream is to be all that you can be, no matter what you look like; no matter where you're from; no matter what language you speak; and tonight, no matter whom you love. Everyone is equal tonight. Everyone is equal in the eyes of the law, and all of us can achieve that sanctity in their relationship, that up until tonight has been limited only to some. Starting tonight, it is now open to all. This is a special time, and we want to recognize the fact that special people have made this a special time. In fact, it took courage to bring us here tonight. I don't think that anyone could have reasonably expected that running for the position of Clerk of the Court would drop one into the maelstrom that we've seen during the past few weeks. Armando Ramirez is a man of courage, a former police officer in New York City, chosen by fate or destiny to be the Clerk of Court and stand here with courage tonight, to carry out these functions. I want to thank the Osceola County Commissioners. I asked them if they would make this possible tonight. They rose to the occasion. They asked the Clerk of Court to open the offices at midnight, to give our people the earliest opportunity to make this happen, the earliest anywhere in the state. Equality under the law starts here in Osceola County tonight, and that is something we can all be proud of. I also want to thank State Attorney Jeff Ashton. When the clouds of litigation started to gather last week, I asked the State Attorney to state clearly that there would be no adverse legal consequences for this man [the Clerk of Courts] to carry out his constitutional duties, and to honor his oath of office, to uphold the constitution, not only of Florida, but the Constitution of the United States. State Attorney Ashton rose to the occasion, and confirmed that. And that's helped to make this evening possible, without conflict. I know that there are some people who see it otherwise. And I ask them: Who are you to judge? The Pope himself asked that question a few weeks ago: "Who am I to judge?" It's a good question for all of us. I would say to those who cherish equality, "tonight is your night." I would say to those who don't cherish equality, who have reservations about this, I would say to them this: "Sometimes the best principle of public policy is for everyone to tend their own garden, and stop judging others." So tonight is a night for everyone to celebrate an enormous accomplishment, an accomplishment for the ages. It's an accomplishment that in some respects echoes the accomplishments of our parents and grandparents, from the civil rights movements in the 50s, 60s and 70s. Tonight, we not only get to see the mountain, we get to be . . . on top of the mountain. Justice, Rep. Alan Grayson"

You Say Your Commitment is Forever?

Then why the procrastination?  Get married! Early last year I received a wedding inquiry from a couple in Virginia who were vague in their request for performing a Virginia wedding.  The inquiry had come directly to me, not through the "contact me info" which is accessed on the home page of my LGBT website. It turned out that the couple was seeking a minister to preform a "commitment" in front of a large audience in an exceptionally lovely setting: however, they were tip-toeing around the fact that they were a same-sex female couple. Had they reached my LGBT website first, they would have known immediately how receptive I am in seeking to accommodate same-sex weddings. In fact when a minister is an ordained Interfaith Minister, rest assured of that person's openness to a complete discussion regarding same-sex and opposite-sex weddings. Not knowing anything about the couple ... I assumed a need to relate details for consideration The inquiry was begun by e-mail, and I responded by e-mail. I explained that beginning in March 2010, when Washington, D.C. became the closest location for a legal same-sex wedding that I had decided not to perform any more commitments, except under special circumstances. I further explained that too much blood, sweat and tears had been devoted to bringing legality into play, and with the opportunity so close in the District of Columbia, we had decided to work with couples to perform their legal wedding in DC, and then with pleasure create a ceremony called a commitment to share with family in Virginia at the location and date chosen. I was surprised by the response The couple indicated that they were not really interested in a "legal" wedding at that time, and would wait until Virginia allowed a same-sex opportunity. I was surprised, especially now that a same-sex couple is afforded so many federal opportunities, not the least being accepted in the tax code when legally married. I also expressed my very real concern regarding how fickle the political winds can change in this country, and Virginia has a way of seeking to cause extreme blow-back and delay. My final thoughts were the following:  If this commitment is real and love exists, make the relationship legal. Jump through a few more hoops and obtain a license either in DC or Maryland. Protect yourselves to the extent possible and begin securing your future for each other now. I added several other thoughts, but I did stress the following I said that I still had a sense that conservative backlash can be potent, causing delays with all kinds of obstacles,  but the one thing which they will find that cannot be overcome is  the reality that within a few years there will be a million strong same-sex legally married couples. I invited their consideration to become a part of that strength and be openly proud. I concluded with the idea that a same-sex couple may even have to consider moving to a gay-friendly state in order to gain further protections, especially if they decide to raise children. "Sometimes you can never go home again; sometimes you may not want to go back, except for visits.  Sometimes home is found by moving forward, knowing that your journey now has an absolute support system to share the adventure." Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva

A Poem for All Seasons Every Day

On page 10 from "Poems that Touch the Heart," Compiled by A.L. Alexander, first published in April 1941 is this memorable lesson. Yes - it is directed from a man who is determined to relate for all listeners a reminder of the importance of giving voice to his loved one. This message rings just as loud for all relationships. Simply substitute a few pronouns and make it apply to the him in your life. Tell Her So  Amid the cares of married strife In spite of toil and business life If you value your dear wife - Tell her so! When days are dark and deeply blue She has her troubles, same as you Show her that your love is true Tell her so! Don't act as if she's past her prime As tho' to please her were a crime If ever you loved her, now's the time - Tell her so! She'll return for each caress A hundred fold of tenderness, Hearts like hers were made to bless; Tell her so! You are hers and hers alone; Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on a stone - Tell her so! Never let her heart grow cold Richer beauties will unfold She is worth her weight in gold Tell her so!                                                AUTHOR UNKNOWN If we had one more thing to say, do not delay another day. Happy New Year ... Elisheva and T. Wade