Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part II of II

Another consideration for obtaining a wedding license in the District of Columbia is that the license, once purchased, is considered “indefinite.” If you would like to confirm for yourself, call the District of Columbia (DC) Marriage Office at (202) 879-4850. (See next blog entry for more details)

In so many states a license is only valid for a set period. In Virginia the license is valid for 60 days from date of purchase. Therefore most couples (regretfully just heterosexual couples) set their wedding date and then purchase their license a few weeks before the actual ceremony. If the wedding is later than the 60 day window, then you must purchase another license.

“Indefinite” certainly is a wide window, and hopefully once known, will allow same-sex couples coming to DC to slow down and plan a schedule. I will comment more on this, but first please read the next paragraph and scroll down for the last blog entry.

The March 12th blog entry (immediately below this) is a must read for same-sex couples to navigate for the application and then the actual pickup of the license. So – please read it for solid guidance and access the links to those websites provided, especially the DC Court Marriage Bureau website.

Many couples from a great distance from DC are planning for a full week in DC or lodging across the river in Virginia or even Maryland. This allows them to visit the DC Marriage Office, complete the application, wait the three(3) days for pickup of the license, and have a ceremony after picking up the license. In other words, perhaps they fly into DC on a weekend, apply for the license on a Monday, pick up the license on Thursday, and plan a wedding ceremony somewhere in the Capitol limits on that Thursday afternoon or Friday or whenever, after picking up the license. “Whenever” is the point of this blog entry.

If staying in DC for a week is not possible to complete the process, then slow it down and consider this possibility:  When in DC make the application and place the name of the minister on the license if you know you want to be married outside of the courthouse. When convenient and you can return to the DC Marriage Bureau to pick up the license ( after a 3-day gap for them to process the application), then set a date a few weeks or months ahead.

I am told that someone must present the receipt of the application when returning to pick up the actual license; however, it might serve many couples to have a close friend in the area present the receipt for you, retrieve the license and mail it to you, thus saving a trip back to DC until it’s time for a planned ceremony in DC. Always confirm with the DC Marriage Bureau in case of any changes by calling (202) 879-4850.

Regarding places to have a wedding in DC

If you have a friend who works in DC, perhaps for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), then get personal advice. Perhaps staying outside the city is much more reasonable. One can rent a car for a week and drive over to Alexandria or near Mount Vernon and stay much more reasonably in a motel or hotel than in a DC hotel. Just an idea.

If staying in DC lodging (hotel or B&B), then check with their Events Coordinator for use of a conference room or patio for having a small wedding. This should be available without cost if a guest, but if having refreshments, decorations, etc., that will certainly be extra. Check it out. Always consider reserving two(2) hours for flexibility. Most weddings are 30 minutes, but time is needed on both sides of the actual ceremony.

We received a lovely note from Sandra Gartrell from the Intown Uptown Inn at 4907 14th Street NW, Washington, DC 20011, inviting same-sex couples to contact her for small weddings, even elopements, in the Inn. It is always nice to receive such invitations, therefore I am passing it along for your consideration.

I asked about a general idea for a very small ceremony, and Sandy said, “ For five(5) people (not including the officiants) we charge $115 for up to an hour and $10/per  person for six(6) people and up to 25 people. Of course we have rooms to offer, catering, champagne, cake, fresh flowers, and other add-ons that we can work with the couple in providing. Also free parking.”  Her direct e-mail is sandy@iuinn.com.

For a much larger event in a large welcoming church in DC

Most same-sex couples will not know that this past summer’s Clergy Call, sponsored by HRC, was hosted in Calvary Baptist Church, 755 Eighth Street, NW, Washington, DC 20001.  Clergy from all over the country arrived for the 3-day event, and planned and visited congressional offices in support of the Hate Crimes Bill, and other important LGBT issues. Some of us started projecting the need for support of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.  This large, totally inclusive Baptist Church and its Senior Pastor, Rev. Amy Butler, were gracious hosts and made the activities such a success.

We talked to the church about the use of the chapel which seats up to 150 guests for same-sex ceremonies. The Pastor and Church Administrator are very supportive, and if there is an interest in reserving the chapel, and having me perform the ceremony while you are in DC, then this is possible.

You will need to discuss use of the chapel directly with Paul Rosstead at (202) 347-8355 Ext 127, or e-mail him at PRrosstead@calvarydc.org.

Typically, the arrangement for the chapel is for 3 hours for ceremony reservation, and 1 hour for rehearsal the day before. The facility fee is $750. The fee for the sanctuary which seats up to 800 is $2,000.  There are some rules for use, but understandable, and the discussion can allow you to know of music assistance, which would be extra.

We are not wedding planners; we are ministers who perform weddings in DC and commitments and weddings elsewhere working out of our location near Charlottesville, Virginia. We are very dependent on allowing some of the ministerial fee to be a tax deductible donation to our non-religious, nonprofit, public charity with no paid staff to serve the interests of patients and families without adequate means for lodging, food, co-pay and travel who come to the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville. If you wish to see where a part of your fee would be going, please read our website and blog for the charity at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/.  I hope this information is of assistance for planning a trip to DC.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part I of II

As of March 3, 2010, same sex couples may apply for marriage licenses in the District of Columba.  Many couples from outside the District are asking about the requirements with specific details, and these are provided on the Marriage Bureau’s website at http://www.dccourts.gov/dccourts/superior/family/marriage.jsp

All of the calls or e-mails which we have received have been for couples who live outside of the District, and in states which do not recognize same sex marriages; therefore, it is helpful to know even more details as to variations of acceptance in other locations. There are two excellent sources for keeping updated. Please go to http://www.hrc.org/news/14137.htm  and read the statement from the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) entitled “D.C. Law Permitting Same-Sex Marriages Takes Effect.” There is an additional site at HRC which will provide maps and other details worth review. Visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.

For those who live at some distance from D.C.  and still wish to have their ceremony performed in the District for a special memory, please know that this does require some visitations. You will understand once you read the Marriage Bureau’s website. This entire blog entry is an effort to fully acquaint you with the D.C. options. For a same-sex couple  wishing to have a commitment ceremony (not legally binding) in or near your own hometown, there are no restrictions and we continue to perform such ceremonies over a broad distance.

Regarding the District of Columbia for a legal wedding

First you will have to apply at the D.C. Clerk’s Office, and if an approved minister is to perform your ceremony in the District, then you will need to place that celebrant’s name on the application at the time of application. Rev. Elisheva Clegg is registered with the DC Court to perform marriages in the District since January 16, 2008. If Rev. Clegg has been chosen and you have an agreement with her to perform the wedding in the District, then and only then should you affix her name to the application. This is so important to plan before going to make application with the Marriage Bureau. By law,  three(3) full days must pass between the day of application to the day that the license can be issued. The fee payment receipt is required to pick up the license. Marriage licenses are not issued by mail. The couple is totally responsible for obtaining their license.

Rev. Elisheva Clegg is not an officer of the court, but a member of approved clergy who can perform your wedding, and that wedding must be performed in the District. Once you have the license in hand, then the wedding can take place in almost any location, such as a hotel, B&B, office, chapel, church, home, etc. You can sign a ministerial agreement with her indicating date, time of day, fee, etc. You have total flexibility to work with the minister for planning. Remember – a minister’s fee supports that minister’s income, and will always be much more than a civil ceremony in a courthouse. Officers of the court are employed by the court.

Rev. Clegg’s fees for a week day or a weekend day are provided after discussions regarding your ceremony. As with any prominent event in one’s life (and this is the most important journey you both will ever take together), the need to discuss and plan and then repeat your wishes with Rev. Clegg is so important. Remember – only court officials can marry a couple inside the courthouse.

Upon application, a couple can request a civil ceremony by a Court official, and a clerk will attempt to schedule a ceremony on or near the date requested. Regarding the courthouse civil ceremony, remember that scheduling cannot be made sooner than ten (10) business days after your license becomes valid.  This is information being repeated from the DC Court Marriage website. Read the website closely for costs, timing, etc. It is certainly  a reasonable cost, but it is a courthouse event, subject to court scheduling and certainly not geared to personalization.

Can a couple marry in a national park in the District?

Special Park use for weddings: Some couples have indicated their wish to be married at a national monument or outside in a federal park, etc. There are three (3) locations available and they require a permit for a fee($50) from the National Park Service (NPS). The locations are The Jefferson Memorial, George Mason Memorial and the DC War Memorial.  The NPS phone number is (202) 619-7225.  Their fax is (202) 401-2430. For advance information the National Park Service website is www.NPS.gov/namma.  Click on quick links and find permits for “Special Park Use Application for sports activities and wedding ceremonies.”  You can download the 3-page application and fax it with credit card info, or mail it with a money order. The permit, I am told, is for two(2) hours. Remember – there is no parking, no shelter, and one must use the exact timing of the permit.  Light portable music can be played, or perhaps a violinist could be employed.  There are distinct drawbacks for outdoor public locations, so real consideration should be given to all of these limitations, especially when having guests attend. A ceremony can be 15-30 minutes, depending on personalization, and a driving rain can certainly diminish the enjoyment of the ceremony.

We urge a very detailed reading of these website offerings. There is much to be learned.  There must be emphasis on completing the application,  planning ahead to determine if a minister or court official will perform the wedding ( application for the civil ceremony inside the courthouse  or an agreement with a minister for a ceremony away from the courthouse), and  the date the license will be available for pickup, etc. These are among the many items for planning.

We understand the desire to rush to the courthouse and get on with the show. This is a grand opportunity which has presented itself for same-sex couples who reside in the District of Columbia, and also for couples who wish to obtain the certificate for a special memory.  We remind couples that planning a wedding is a part of marriage.  Plan it well and relax and enjoy.

For more information on my personalized wedding and commitment services

Please visit my website at http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.org/ and read the testimonials. Then complete the short form at the site and submit with comments. I will always ask the following questions in order to have a place to begin a conversation. Please consider these questions and provide with the initial form, or separately:

1. Venue (hotel, B&B, home, chapel, park, etc.) 
2. Rehearsal if planned, 
3. Same or separate spiritual paths, if applicable, 
4. How long have you known each other and how long has the relationship been intimate, 
5. How old are both of you, 
6. Have you been married before, or in a long term relationship, 
7. Are there children, please comment with ages, participation,
8. What are your professions and are you supportive of each other’s professional goals,
9. Are there any special rituals, poems, readings, blessings desired in the planning of the service,
10. Are you both willing to complete my questionnaire individually in order to write for text and tone,
11. What is your place of residence with zip code.  

Much time is saved knowing these items for a discussion by phone.

As a final note, please know that my week day (Monday-Thursday) fee is considered quite reasonable for a very small intimate ceremony. Weekends are isolated and generally encompass two days, especially with a rehearsal.  You will have to be the judge upon receipt of a detailed attachment with the projected fee, and if a hotel room is needed when a rehearsal is planned and the minister is requested.  I offer one extra possibility not generally known, and that is the opportunity for the entire fee for a wedding or commitment to be a tax deduction. Our priority is support of a non-religious, nonprofit, no stock public charity  with NO paid staff, which supports patients and families who come great distances without adequate funds to support their stay or visit to the University of Virginia Medical Center. The charity is located at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/.  The fee is slightly higher for this opportunity, but remember, the entire amount becomes tax deductible as a donation. This can be most advantageous for a couple or family in need of a tax write-off.  If this interests you, please ask and details will be included in the options I provide.

Blessings….Rev. Elisheva

Don’t Ask..Don’t Tell…Still as un-American as ever!

Dear LGBT Couples,

During the last several months we have received requests for commitments wherein one partner was active military. In two cases, that partner was being deployed or already in a war zone.  The requests were to have openly gay commitments with friends and family at a time when the policy of this country remains contradictory to America’s portrayal as a nation of equality for its citizens; in fact dictated by what should be totally separated from consideration, religious determination to continue to subvert a fundamental right of all citizens to serve and protect their country.

It grieves me to have to say it, but I strongly recommend that gay Americans in the military wait a bit longer to engage in an open commitment ceremony until “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed. Please note that I am not asking for anyone to wait until this country is mature enough to accept all fully qualified professionals equal acceptance in uniform.  I am saying don’t increase the risk factor while an awakened and open leadership is paving a path. There is now no doubt that President Obama, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen are engaged.

What is not abundantly clear to so many gay members of the military is that this open exposure allows all friends and family knowledge of your commitment, and this is a risky proposition. Not all friends may remain secretive, and not all family members pleased with your decision. Sometimes their religious zeal and background may lead to a determination to diminish your happiness, and your career.

 Your service is valued and needed, and as strong as the urge is to come out and simply be who you are, and allow others to know of the devotion to your partner, this open exposure through a ceremony should be delayed.  Especially is this true if you wish to remain in service of your country and continue to serve, and be served with the benefits of a service person. Please know that you are not living a lie…your country is.  Engage in all manner of ways to support the change, but work the magic while in uniform until the Constitution begins to work for you.

A commitment is about a life long partnership of love and devotion, and most certainly sexual intimacy, as a human being. We look forward to performing many more commitments and weddings which involve military members, but please wait until U.S. military integrity is established policy. That time is coming.

T. Wade Clegg III, Interfaith Minister
Major, USAFR Retired

What’s On Your Mind?

Conversation should always be reciprocal. Over the last few months, I have created several blog entries dealing with issues and concerns on my mind towards the LGBT community.  When I talk to my couples, I realize that there are many issues on their minds which are very worthwhile discussing. I would appreciate it very much if you, who are receiving this blog, would respond back to me with your personal concerns and issues.  These can be of a political, social, health-oriented, emotional, etc. nature. Anything that interests you, would probably be of interest to others.

Perhaps you would like to email me personally, and I certainly will respond accordingly. For those who would rather remain anonymous, please rest assured your confidentiality will remain in highest regard. But, I am sure there are many issues which can be openly and frankly discussed between all parties to the benefit of everyone.

If you are hesitant because I am an ordained minister and pastoral counselor, please disregard this fear! Because my aim is to help in solving issues and building bridges – NOT to preach or convert to any philosophy or religion in any way whatsoever.

Many of you may not be members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) http://www.hrc.org but may I suggest you take it into consideration to join as these people are the organization with the most power who have fought for equal rights and equality for the LGBT community.  I am very proud to be a standing member of the Religion & Faith Program Coalition which welcomes each and everyone of you into the fold.

I do hope I hear from you soon.  Have a blessed day.

Rev. Elisheva

Mind at Work…the name of a survey worth your time!

We received a note from one of our dearest friends who said that all he wanted for Christmas this year was another 300 people to assist him with a survey which he described as “one supreme project, one last potential contribution, which could turn out to be the most significant of all: my field research on spirituality.”

Daniel A. Helminiak is Professor in the humanistic and transpersonal Department of Psychology at the University of West Georgia. A Catholic priest, licensed professional counselor, and certified pastoral counselor, he holds PhD’s in both theology and psychology.

Daniel introduces his survey this way: People think differently. How does the human mind actually work? Help us to find out. Participate in an on-line survey. The questionnaire will help you think about your own thinking. And your responses will help us figure out what it is to be human. Log on at www.surveymonkey.com/mindatwork.

We took the survey and find it interesting. Read the opening introduction and then proceed. Perhaps 30 minutes of your time. Your participation is very much appreciated from a couple of friends who want to see this “supreme project” a supreme success.

Blessings…Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III

Marriage Research

I was asked by doctoral student, Cristina Reitz-Krueger, for assistance with her web-based study of engaged couples. This will only relate to a few couples who are not yet married; however, I would like to encourage those particular couples to read the blog entry and participate. Cristina is a researcher in the University of Virginia Department of Psychology.

Thank you…Rev. Elisheva

Engaged volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.

You can:

• Help a doctoral candidate;
• Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
• Support research on marriage and families; and
• Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at mailto:survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com

Your words are powerful!

We always say that the most opportune time to allow your voice to be heard, your words to be read, is NOW. This is certainly true for LGBT issues.

Some people are hesitant to actually send a note to the Letters to the Editor in your home town, but it is so vital that you take the time to originate even a letter of a few paragraphs to let the greater community know what needs their support. Your letter needs to follow the guidelines provided in the newspaper, such as number of words, etc. Be prepared that it will be edited, but if submitted in clear, concise language with the correct limitation on length, then editing of your text can be avoided.

Having your own editor review your letter before it is sent is important. In other words, discuss it with a friend to get feedback. Check spelling and punctuation. REMEMBER - if you want people to take your submission seriously, make sure it is not only factually correct, but projected in correct English. Then make sure your contact info is attached, such as address, phone, e-mail, and then signed.

Although you may have received the following letter as an example of my own e-mail to The Daily Progress in Charlottesville, Virginia, use it as an idea for writing your own thoughts, experiences, and request. Thanks for reading and participating in making equal opportunity a reality.

Here is a sample of my letter to an editor .... feel free to use it as an example :-)

A Letter to my Editor from Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

Mail to: Mail Box 105, 265 Turkey Sag Trail (Suite 102), Palmyra, VA 22963

Phone (434) 589-4864 e-mail: elishevanumber7@earthlink.net

It’s that time again to stand and replace that which is in place…
for it has no place…and never did!

You may not be aware that in 29 states it is legal to fire someone because they are lesbian, gay or bisexual. In 38 states, it’s legal to fire someone for being transgender. In other words for just being who he or she is.

Is there anyone with compassion who cannot see the injustice of making it legal to fire otherwise qualified employees by being who they are? If you were among the best workers in your company, but ever knowing that how you were designed by Nature or God or Both will forever leave you stranded in the fear of never knowing if today is your last day of employment, you would NOT immediately suspect the good ole USA of allowing such discrimination, would you?

Does the elimination of this injustice sound like a “special right” is being granted?
Does being elevated to the same level of consideration of everyone else in the work force, without fear of being eliminated, not hired, not promoted seem like a special right?

If anyone who is practicing a religion really believes that is a special right, then they are practicing a religion which has lost its compassion. Yet, there are those who would continue to paint a star on the backs of certain individuals in order to dehumanize them.

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H.R. 3017) would make it illegal to fire, refuse to hire, or refuse to promote employees based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. The act is also referred to as ENDA, but one should not use an acronym when speaking of discrimination. One must spell it out.


Stop discrimination against any American citizen who is deserving of earning a living, is qualified to earn a living, and who is diligently performing a job to earn a living. This country was founded upon the principle of equal opportunity. This was imbedded in my brain from first grade. It stuck with me. Did it stick with you?
Our government must continue to uphold this value for all Americans.

There are no religions which believe in kindness toward neighbors and loving them as yourself which allows a belief that you are superior to some human beings and that you are granted the privilege of being hateful. If you are in the presence of those who are promoting such destructiveness, you should find a different path as soon as possible.

The fully-inclusive Employment Non-discrimination Act is now before the Congress. It is another opportunity to remove that which is hateful. It will ensure fair treatment for all workers. Tell your Senators and Representative that equal opportunity is an American principle good enough for ALL 50 STATES!


Blessings…T. Wade