Our Grief has not subsided, but we remain devoted to our Mission

A Very Personal Note from Thomas Wade Clegg III Your notes, calls, e-mails and gifts in memory of Rev. Elisheva Clegg, who died in the UVA Medical Center on April 6, have been so meaningful to me and our four children,  plus Sam McLawhorn  and those who have supported our charitable activities over the last eight years.  Please know that in due course I will make contact and respond to your comments and wishes. Our personal life as ordained Interfaith Ministers, although separate from the IHS public charity, was used as a supportive branch for funds for the charity.  Elisheva was so enthused each time we wrote and performed a wedding, but especially for the last six years when we allowed couples to participate with charitable giving as a part of their fee. So Much Has Changed and Will Take Time to Adjust Emotionally, I found myself forgetting simple things and just needing to withdraw for short periods.  I know we are behind in writing e-mails and posting blog notes, but that negligence on my part will change. The emails and blog postings may be shorter, but this next month we will provide more details on those who have been helping. So Many Have Asked: What happened on April 5-6 that led to Elisheva's death? I can only tell you that Elisheva did NOT die from cancers in both her lungs. She was working through a well-planned program with the UVA Cancer Center Lung Specialists, beginning at the first of the year.  I have every confidence that the Lung Cancer Center was in route to a complete and fruitful result had Elisheva lived for the removal of the cancer from her right lung which was scheduled for April 7.  She died the day before her final operation. April 5th beginning at about 5:30 PM was a nightmare in slow motion Elisheva walked to our upstairs bedroom, following a long conversation of planning for the remainder of the summer.  She called me to come upstairs. She was having intense pain in her back and chest and needed assistance. The ambulance arrived shortly thereafter and we were in UVA Hospital ER within the hour. She remained in ER for at least 6 hours From slow nightmare to panic alarm During the transition process from her ER rolling bed to the room bed, Elisheva experienced further distress and a code was sounded. The room filled with a multitude, all working feverously for almost twenty minutes until a heartbeat was noted. Twenty minutes is a long time. The next move was down the hall to ICU More hours passed. The description of exploratory intrusion to find the source of the internal bleeding will not be related.  The exploratory was necessary if the bleeding was to be stopped, but the cumulative efforts ended at 0944 hours. The death certificate reads Elisheva C. Clegg died of cardiac arrest, hemorrhage, chest wall trauma. Other significant conditions:  PEA arrest from unknown cause, CPR resulting in chest wall trauma.  Now you know what happened as concisely as I can offer. Some final thoughts I got through the funeral that Sunday, but I do not remember who was there. Elisheva was there in a lovely wooden coffin which my daughters selected for cremation.  I only had one wish and that was to have all four of my very adult children and their children hear from so many friends what generosity she provided with her life.  She loved so deeply and offered such kindness.  There was never a day when she did not say to me, one of the following several times:  "I love you so much."  " Do you know how much I love you?" " Let's do 20 more years, OK?" And I said, "Twenty years plus one!"   And she would kiss me.

Reverend Elisheva C. Clegg Has Passed Away

Reverend Elisheva C. Clegg passed away unexpectedly in Charlottesville, VA on April 6, 2016 at the age of 72. Elisheva is survived by her husband of 43 years, Thomas Wade Clegg III; her children, Ari Jolly and her husband John Jolly of Jacksonville, FL; Yalda Clegg and her husband Scott York of Alexandria, VA; Kristine Bechtel and her husband Todd Bechtel of Charlotte, NC; Wade Clegg IV and his wife Jolene Clegg of Los Angeles, CA, and sister in law Judith Clegg of Tupelo, MS.  She was also the loving grandmother of Chandler and Jack Jolly, Zachary and Joshua Bechtel and Arthur and Elsa Clegg.   Elisheva C. Clegg was born on January 22, 1944 in Kaiserslautern, Germany and was a war baby survivor of WWII.  She met and married her soulmate Thomas Wade Clegg III on June, 25, 1972 while he was stationed with the US Air Force serving at Ramstein AFB in Germany.  The entire family moved to the United States when Wade completed active duty with the US Air Force in 1974.   Elisheva was compassionate and found her calling in counseling and helping others in times of need.  She received a master's degree in pastoral counseling and became an ordained interfaith minister.  She also attended the UVA medical center chaplaincy program. She was a kind, generous, witty, dedicated individual to all who had the privilege of meeting her.  She was extremely passionate about helping those who were unable to help themselves in times of crisis.   It was this need that led her, Wade and co-founder Sam McLawhorn to create the nonprofit charity Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum (IHS).  IHS is an independent, non-religious, ALL volunteer, nonprofit, 501(c)3 public charity.  IHS assists long distance families who are underfunded with lodging and food and other critical needs including items such a providing new infant car seats for UVA's pediatric clinics. A celebration of Elisheva's life is scheduled for this Sunday, April 10th beginning at 2:30 pm at Grace and Glory Lutheran Church located at 683 Thomas Jefferson Pwky VA-53 (Palmyra) VA 22963 (434-589-2217). In lieu of flowers, please consider Elisheva's efforts in raising funds for her charity, IHS at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/donate.php or mail to: IHS PO Box 163 Palmyra, VA 22963

Every Virginian Should Have The Right to Marry!

Email to Senator McEachin, Senator 9th District, Commonwealth of Virginia: On Mon, Feb 1, 2016 at 7:11 PM, <elishevanumber7@earthlink.net wrote: Reverend Thomas Wade Clegg III Mail Box 105, 265 Turkeysag Trl, Suite 102 Palmyra, VA 22963 February 1, 2016 Sen. McEachin: I am writing to ask that you vote against SB 40 when it comes for a vote before the Senate Courts of Justice Committee. This bill would allow all clerks and deputy clerks in the commonwealth to refuse to issue a marriage license to any couple if the clerk objects to the marriage based on "personal, ethical, moral, or religious grounds." That means government officials could deny the right to marry to couples if the clerk doesn't like their sexuality, skin color, political affiliation or for any other reason. This is just wrong. Fundamental reasons why SB 40 should be defeated are: - Freedom of religion does not mean freedom to discriminate - No law authorizes or requires an accommodation of religious beliefs that burden others. - SB 40 would deny Virginians the fundamental right to marry. - Allowing couples to get licenses elsewhere does not save this bill. I hope I can count on you to do the right thing for Virginia and your district and vote against this awful, discriminatory bill. Thank you. Sincerely, Thomas Wade Clegg III RESPONSE FROM SENATOR McEACHIN From: Senator Donald McEachin [mailto:district09@senate.virginia.gov] Sent: Monday, February 01, 2016 8:49 PM To: elishevanumber7@earthlink.net Subject: Re: Every Virginian should have the right to marry! Dear Mr. Clegg, Thanks for writing me about sb 40. Please know I share your concern. I do not believe we should be legalizing bigotry or prejudice. I believe all Virginians deserve equal opportunity, justice and fairness. Thanks for your advocacy on this important subject.   Take care, A. Donald McEachin

When Family Participation is Really Special

On October 10, 2015 the late afternoon weather was perfect at Early Mountain Vineyards in Madison, Virginia for the wedding of Emily James and Johannes Harkema. There were a lot of Europeans at this gathering. The Harkema family flew in from the Netherlands. Family and friends are often asked to participate in a ceremony. Sometimes a talented friend or sibling will be asked to sing. Sometimes a family will have multiple musicians, and form a band for this one-time special occasion. Most certainly, readers will be found to give diversity to the ceremony. On this day among the participants was Poet David L. James, Professor of English from the Orchard Ridge Campus, Oakland Community College in Farmington Hills, Michigan. Dr. James is Emily's uncle. He wrote and delivered a special poem entitled "Our Hope." With the permission of Professor James, and for the first time in print for public enjoyment, please find the very personal words written for Emily James on the occasion of her marriage to Johannes Harkema. OUR HOPE    for Emily and J.J., Oct. 10, 2015 it's easy to see the love in your eyes, in your faces. we can even feel the love in your hearts, beating just under the skin. but it's the love six, ten, seventeen, twenty-nine years from this very day- like a well-worn pair of shoes, like your favorite ripped ball cap, like that shirt you will never throw out, thin and frayed, stained down the front, it's that kind of love we hope for. love that won't let go in any storm, that sits up with you late at night when you're sick, a love that forgives and understands and steers you back when you lose your bearings and drift away. it's a love that plants itself in your heart and branches through the blood stream, like ivy wrapping around the ribs and hip bone, down the arms and legs until you can't imagine a world without each other, without his hand around your waist, without her laughter in your ears, that's the love we want for you, a love that lifts you into the sky like it's normal, like it happens all the time, and when you look ahead, all you can ever see is the future smiling in the distance, waving for you to follow.  David James

Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

The Marriage License - A Couple's Responsibility

Even though my e-mail attachments to inquiries fully explain how we work and make many helpful suggestions, sometimes over the course of every year, someone will not read these critical items for accomplishment. One item which is sometimes skipped over, and wrongfully ASSUMED, is that the minister will obtain a marriage license for the couple. As most will recognize, this is not a logical assumption. The marriage license must be purchased by the couple and presented to the minister or officiant at the ceremony. The Rules and Fees are different in each state Virginia is our prime area for performing weddings, although we do travel into adjacent states. We are still asked to come to parts of West Virginia, Maryland and Washington, D.C. Most North Carolina requests are simply too far for travel. Also there will be extra costs for the minister's lodging. There are Interfaith Ministers in many major metro areas of that state. However, each state and the District of Columbia have an easily accessed Clerk of the Court with a Marriage Bureau. I mention these areas specifically, for I am registered and approved for performing legal weddings in these states and in DC, as well as many other locations. Allow me to speak about Virginia in general, then call a local Clerk for the details In every county in Virginia is a Clerk of the Court. In the Clerk's Office is a Marriage Bureau, or similar name. Each office can be accessed by phone or on-line website. Information is fully spelled out on these websites, but if anything is not absolutely clear, pick up that phone and call and take notes. If needed, the couple can visit the Clerk's Office for clarification. Most licenses are about $30-$35, but can be higher. The license is good for a period of sixty (60) days, which means that you do not want to make a purchase until you have a solid date for the actual ceremony. You do not want the license to expire before a legal wedding can be performed. If it does, you will have to purchase another license. My suggestion is to purchase the license from 7-14 days before the ceremony. In Virginia the license is provided to the minister or officiant by the couple, on or just before the wedding date. The minister will retain the license, complete and sign it (no witnesses are required), and mail it directly to the Clerk within days of the wedding. The couple is given information by the Clerk's Office at the time of purchase regarding cost for original copies (only a few dollars per copy) and where to send a request for copies. The couple needs to keep this information for any future need for copies of the marriage license. In Virginia a couple can purchase the marriage license at any Clerk's office and use it immediately at any location within the state. A license is only good in the state where it is obtained.  There are waiting periods and other restrictions in other states, but once you have the license in Virginia, you are not restricted for immediate pursuit of being wed. The state of Maryland has some restrictions such as a waiting period of 48 hours from purchase until hosting a ceremony, and the license in Maryland is only good within the county where the license was purchased.  This makes Virginia less problematic for late purchases, but a couple's planning should not be allowed to wait until the last week day before a ceremony. Don't be surprised when a government office is closed for a holiday. If you do wait, problems can arise, and a legal wedding may be delayed. Just sharing. A Final Note of Importance ... I do not marry couples inside courthouses A couple may think that ministers will marry them in a courthouse or the Clerk's Office. I do not perform weddings in courthouses. On the marriage license form is a block which I must mark as a "religious" ceremony, and religious ceremonies are not performed in courthouses. I do perform "non-religious" ceremonies, but that is not the same as a "civil" ceremony performed inside a courthouse setting.  Many Clerk's offices do not have arrangements for marrying a couple in their facility, while others may be able to schedule a couple for an Officer of the Court to perform a short civil ceremony.  Use your time wisely to get the details needed for planning. Sincerely ... Reverend Elisheva

A Most Pleasant Place for a Most Intimate Wedding

Over the last ten years we have been asked if we perform "elopement" size weddings. What that generally means is just a couple alone or perhaps a few friends or family members (usually six or less) accompanying the couple. So - YES ... we do perform very small weddings at homes or farms, and under large shade trees at one favorite public location mostly on week days away from the crowded venues geared to weekend events. The location is Pleasant Grove Park, located along Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53) just 12 miles from Mr. Jefferson's home of Monticello, between Charlottesville and Palmyra, Virginia. A Magnificent change has taken place over the last few years at Pleasant Grove The large 800 acre park now has something for everyone, but one dynamic transformation has been the renovation of the 1854 William Douglas Haden House, which had been empty for years. The Haden House is now a Visitor's Center and Museum, and offices are open daily Monday-Friday. The House Museum hours are open for four hours on Saturday and Sunday. There is a restroom building next to the parking lot at the rear of Haden House open during business hours, and many locations under the large shade trees for reserving time for a wedding. There is even the opportunity during normal business hours to use the small reading room upstairs in the House, if inclement weather intrudes for an outside ceremony.   Your best bet for details is to call Malinda Payne Monday-Friday at (434) 589-2016   Reading Room for Inside Wedding Again, here is the link for more information about Fluvanna County's Pleasant Grove Park. When mapquesting the location, the address is 1736 Thomas Jefferson Parkway (Highway 53), Palmyra, VA 22963. What will be a truly pleasant surprise is how reasonable the fees are for reserving space and equipment for weddings and family gatherings. As time allows, check out Fluvanna County's latest and greatest addition for creating memories. THEN - give us a call or send an e-mail and let's plan your wedding in this lovely country setting.   Grinding Wheel Outside

Central Florida's First Same-Sex Marriage

The following article was received from U.S. Representative Alan Grayson's most recent involvement to secure equality in the State of Florida. Alan Grayson represents the 9th District of Florida. It was so appealing that I wanted everyone to have a chance to read what wonderful work he is doing for the LGBTQ community. Representative Grayson continues to be a champion and supporter of equality for all. Enjoy .... T. Wade Clegg III  Following decades of forceful advocacy and exhaustive legal battles, marriage equality finally arrived in the State of Florida this week. Pursuant to an equal protection court ruling that went into effect at the end of the day on Jan. 5, I persuaded the Osceola County Commission to direct the Osceola Clerk of the Court to open his doors at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 6, and license the first same-sex marriages in the history of Central Florida . When desperate right-wing groups urged prosecution - yes, prosecution - of Court Clerks who carried out their Constitutional duties, I obtained a commitment from our local prosecutor that no such prosecutions would take place. And then, at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 6, I joined the first couple, my friend County Commissioner Cheryl Grieb and her partner of 22 years, as their ring-bearer. As we waited for the clock to strike 12, I made a brief speech that night, and I'd like to share it with you. Feel free to share it with whomever you love - no matter what gender they may be. "We're here tonight for one of the most special of all special occasions. Going back through all of human history, we know that when a couple comes together, it's not just a celebration for them, but at a celebration for the entire community. Tonight we celebrate equality for all. It's bringing people together so that they can be joined in matrimony, and witness two, becoming one. For the first time in Central Florida, that applies to everyone, each one of us. One of the greatest blessings that any elected official could ever possibly give to his constituents is equality. Justice, peace, and equality. Tonight, a friend of a friend texted me, and said that she wasn't going to get married here tonight. But she's glad that she has the right to do that now. And there are a lot of people tonight who are going to get married, and a lot of other people who are joined now, in equal protection under the law. They are no longer second-class citizens, but first-class citizens, like everyone else. Tonight we see the fulfillment of the real American dream. The real American dream is not a house, a job, or a 401(k) plan. The real American Dream is to be all that you can be, no matter what you look like; no matter where you're from; no matter what language you speak; and tonight, no matter whom you love. Everyone is equal tonight. Everyone is equal in the eyes of the law, and all of us can achieve that sanctity in their relationship, that up until tonight has been limited only to some. Starting tonight, it is now open to all. This is a special time, and we want to recognize the fact that special people have made this a special time. In fact, it took courage to bring us here tonight. I don't think that anyone could have reasonably expected that running for the position of Clerk of the Court would drop one into the maelstrom that we've seen during the past few weeks. Armando Ramirez is a man of courage, a former police officer in New York City, chosen by fate or destiny to be the Clerk of Court and stand here with courage tonight, to carry out these functions. I want to thank the Osceola County Commissioners. I asked them if they would make this possible tonight. They rose to the occasion. They asked the Clerk of Court to open the offices at midnight, to give our people the earliest opportunity to make this happen, the earliest anywhere in the state. Equality under the law starts here in Osceola County tonight, and that is something we can all be proud of. I also want to thank State Attorney Jeff Ashton. When the clouds of litigation started to gather last week, I asked the State Attorney to state clearly that there would be no adverse legal consequences for this man [the Clerk of Courts] to carry out his constitutional duties, and to honor his oath of office, to uphold the constitution, not only of Florida, but the Constitution of the United States. State Attorney Ashton rose to the occasion, and confirmed that. And that's helped to make this evening possible, without conflict. I know that there are some people who see it otherwise. And I ask them: Who are you to judge? The Pope himself asked that question a few weeks ago: "Who am I to judge?" It's a good question for all of us. I would say to those who cherish equality, "tonight is your night." I would say to those who don't cherish equality, who have reservations about this, I would say to them this: "Sometimes the best principle of public policy is for everyone to tend their own garden, and stop judging others." So tonight is a night for everyone to celebrate an enormous accomplishment, an accomplishment for the ages. It's an accomplishment that in some respects echoes the accomplishments of our parents and grandparents, from the civil rights movements in the 50s, 60s and 70s. Tonight, we not only get to see the mountain, we get to be . . . on top of the mountain. Justice, Rep. Alan Grayson"

You Say Your Commitment is Forever?

Then why the procrastination?  Get married! Early last year I received a wedding inquiry from a couple in Virginia who were vague in their request for performing a Virginia wedding.  The inquiry had come directly to me, not through the "contact me info" which is accessed on the home page of my LGBT website. It turned out that the couple was seeking a minister to preform a "commitment" in front of a large audience in an exceptionally lovely setting: however, they were tip-toeing around the fact that they were a same-sex female couple. Had they reached my LGBT website first, they would have known immediately how receptive I am in seeking to accommodate same-sex weddings. In fact when a minister is an ordained Interfaith Minister, rest assured of that person's openness to a complete discussion regarding same-sex and opposite-sex weddings. Not knowing anything about the couple ... I assumed a need to relate details for consideration The inquiry was begun by e-mail, and I responded by e-mail. I explained that beginning in March 2010, when Washington, D.C. became the closest location for a legal same-sex wedding that I had decided not to perform any more commitments, except under special circumstances. I further explained that too much blood, sweat and tears had been devoted to bringing legality into play, and with the opportunity so close in the District of Columbia, we had decided to work with couples to perform their legal wedding in DC, and then with pleasure create a ceremony called a commitment to share with family in Virginia at the location and date chosen. I was surprised by the response The couple indicated that they were not really interested in a "legal" wedding at that time, and would wait until Virginia allowed a same-sex opportunity. I was surprised, especially now that a same-sex couple is afforded so many federal opportunities, not the least being accepted in the tax code when legally married. I also expressed my very real concern regarding how fickle the political winds can change in this country, and Virginia has a way of seeking to cause extreme blow-back and delay. My final thoughts were the following:  If this commitment is real and love exists, make the relationship legal. Jump through a few more hoops and obtain a license either in DC or Maryland. Protect yourselves to the extent possible and begin securing your future for each other now. I added several other thoughts, but I did stress the following I said that I still had a sense that conservative backlash can be potent, causing delays with all kinds of obstacles,  but the one thing which they will find that cannot be overcome is  the reality that within a few years there will be a million strong same-sex legally married couples. I invited their consideration to become a part of that strength and be openly proud. I concluded with the idea that a same-sex couple may even have to consider moving to a gay-friendly state in order to gain further protections, especially if they decide to raise children. "Sometimes you can never go home again; sometimes you may not want to go back, except for visits.  Sometimes home is found by moving forward, knowing that your journey now has an absolute support system to share the adventure." Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva

A Poem for All Seasons Every Day

On page 10 from "Poems that Touch the Heart," Compiled by A.L. Alexander, first published in April 1941 is this memorable lesson. Yes - it is directed from a man who is determined to relate for all listeners a reminder of the importance of giving voice to his loved one. This message rings just as loud for all relationships. Simply substitute a few pronouns and make it apply to the him in your life. Tell Her So  Amid the cares of married strife In spite of toil and business life If you value your dear wife - Tell her so! When days are dark and deeply blue She has her troubles, same as you Show her that your love is true Tell her so! Don't act as if she's past her prime As tho' to please her were a crime If ever you loved her, now's the time - Tell her so! She'll return for each caress A hundred fold of tenderness, Hearts like hers were made to bless; Tell her so! You are hers and hers alone; Well you know she's all your own; Don't wait to carve it on a stone - Tell her so! Never let her heart grow cold Richer beauties will unfold She is worth her weight in gold Tell her so!                                                AUTHOR UNKNOWN If we had one more thing to say, do not delay another day. Happy New Year ... Elisheva and T. Wade

Maryland is Now a Terrific Option

Same-Sex Marriage  opportunity expanded this past year

We experienced another opportune location for same-sex marriages, especially couples from Virginia and West Virginia looking for alternatives.  Most recently we met a couple from West Virginia in Frederick, Maryland. Initially,  they had planned on arranging their ceremony in Washington, DC, but it just so happened that the government shutdown was causing a lot of concerns.  It was just the two of them, no other attendees, and they wanted a personalized wedding, versus a short civil ceremony at the Courthouse. There was considerable flexibility for rearrangement,  and most hotels in Frederick tend to be less costly than in DC and certainly have more vacancies in the middle of the week.

We love to travel to Washington, D.C.  ...  but Maryland has some advantages

  

For same-sex couples who are forced to travel to these two locations from all states south, Maryland has less waiting time with processing a license.  One must wait 48 hours in Maryland, whether being married by an Officer of the Court, or a qualified minister away from the Court.  In DC the minimum waiting time is 3 working days for the Clerk to process the license after application, and then have a ceremony performed by a minister away from the Court. However, if a couple wishes to be married by an Officer of the DC Court, that requires a bit more planning. The minimum waiting time from application to return for pickup of the license is ten (10) days, and also have an appointment for a civil ceremony at the Courthouse.

Whatever is offered next is worth knowing early, but always call the Clerk for late info

The Circuit Court for Frederick County is located at 100 West Patrick Street, Frederick, Maryland 21701. Their hours are 8:30 AM - 4:00 PM Monday-Friday.  We went along with the couple to return their completed license the next morning after an intimate wedding ceremony at the hotel the night before. This was the first time that we had stayed over at a wedding location and personally provided the license, but the couple had a deadline for obtaining a military identification for one partner, so we were happy to delay one night and accompany them to the Clerk's office so they could quickly obtain stamped copies before returning home.  

More things to know regarding Marriage Licenses in Frederick, Maryland

•     $75.00 CASH ONLY (Non-refundable) - No Checks or Credit Cards   
•     You must wait 48 hours before you can be married.  
•     After the 48 hours has passed, the license is valid for 6 months.  
•     License must be used in Frederick County only.  Note: If you obtain a license in another  Maryland County, then you must have the ceremony in that county.  
•     Only one party (partner) must be present to apply.  
• When you apply in person the Clerk's Office requires the following info for both parties  
•     Full names  
•     Current Physical Address  
•     Ages  
•     State or Country of birth (if born outside of the U.S.)  
•     Marital Status - If there have been previous marriages, please supply the month, day, year, county and state of how EACH AND EVERY ONE ended, whether by divorce or death.  
•     Social Security  numbers are mandatory; however, they will not be public record.  
•     And finally - if a couple wants a Civil Ceremony, those are performed between the hours of 8:30 AM - 3:30 PM Monday - Friday. The ceremony fee is $25.00 payable by cash only. No appointments are taken.  There are a number of helpful staff members in the Clerk's Office, but we were served by "Bonnie," just in case you need a contact. The phone number is (301) 600-1964.

 When we enjoy a hotel, we let it be known

The wedding for the aforementioned couple was performed in their hotel suite at the Hilton Garden Inn, 7226 Corporate Court, Frederick, Maryland 21703.  There was adequate room for another half dozen guests, had that been needed; however, this hotel with a nice restaurant and helpful staff, has many expandable first floor meeting rooms which are used for larger weddings with receptions. We talked to Cathy Vargo, Catering & Sales, who was delighted to learn of the wedding, and suggested that interested parties should call or e-mail her for assistance in the future. E-mail cathy.vargo@hilton.com.  Phone (240) 566-1504.  We think you will enjoy the visit to this lodging facility with family and friends, or just as a couple. Frederick, Maryland may  just be the town to start your married life!

Blessings ... Reverends Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III

News Worth Knowing - an Article from Reuters

By Amanda Becker Wed Sep 18, 2013 7:13pm EDT (Reuters) - The Department of Labor on Wednesday said same-sex couples in legal marriages can participate in employee benefit plans, even if the state they live in does not recognize gay marriage. Same-sex spouses, regardless of where they live, can now participate in the private retirement and healthcare plans overseen by the department's Employee Benefits Security Administration (EBSA), the department said in a release. The move comes after the U.S. Supreme Court's June decision in United States v. Windsor, which extended federal benefits to those in same-sex marriages. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez called the ruling a "historic step forward" and said the department would work to implement it in a way providing "maximum protection" for American workers. "By providing greater clarity on how the Supreme Court's decision affects one of the laws we enforce, we are contributing to greater equality and greater protection for America's working families," EBSA Assistant Secretary Phyllis Borzi said. EBSA oversees 701,000 private retirement plans and 2.3 million health plans, according to the department. Perez said in an August email sent to department employees that the agency had begun to prepare its response to the Supreme Court ruling. One of its first determinations was that same-sex couples would be covered by the Family Medical Leave Act. But at that point, Perez did not say whether it would apply to same-sex couples who were legally married in one jurisdiction but who were currently residing in jurisdictions where their marriages were not recognized. Gay rights advocates hailed the department's decision to adopt a "state of celebration" rule, which recognizes all legally married couples regardless of location, in determining eligible benefit plan participants. "We urge Secretary Perez and the Labor Department to push for full legal equality, and re-write the Family Medical Leave Act regulations to adopt these same 'state of celebration' rules so that all married couples - no matter where they live - can have job protections," said Tico Almeida, founder and president of Freedom to Work, a gay rights group, in a statement. (Editing by Kevin Drawbaugh and Ken Wills)

2nd Annual Charlotttesville Pride Festival

Saturday, September 14, 2013   11-7 p.m.   Lee Park   Visit  CvillePride.org for complete contact info Good Works and Cville Pride go Hand in Hand Reverend Elisheva Clegg, ordained Interfaith Minister and Pastoral Counselor, MA, and a frequent traveler to Washington DC to perform same-sex marriages for LGBT couples, will once again be sharing a tent with Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum (IHS), the ALL volunteer, non-profit, no stock, non-religious, 501(c)3  public charity which she was instrumental in founding in 2008. Let's be clear: NO ONE IS PAID at the charity. Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum has a Gold Seal rating on Guidestar as meeting the highest standards for transparency. The charity is also a member of the Center for Nonprofit Excellence (CNE) in Charlottesville.   A Same-Sex couple can never say there was no one to talk to in Charlottesville! Rev. Elisheva has been a consistent advocate for human rights, and especially equality issues for the LGBT community. She and her husband have been supportive members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) for many years. She also offers counseling sessions ( what she calls "tabletop discussions with coffee and pastries") in Charlottesville for couples considering a legal marriage in DC, from which all counseling fees can go directly to the IHS charity. Rev. Elisheva's objectives are clearly about communion, not conversion When asked about any confusion with being under the same tent with the non-religious charity which was solely originated as another safety net for the indigent patients and caregivers who travel for hundreds of  miles to be served at the UVA Medical Center, the former overnight UVA volunteer chaplain said, "All of my ministerial fees, especially for weddings, allow for a sizable portion to be donated by couples to the IHS charity. My married couples and their families continue to assist in funding this worthy effort over the years. One needs eternal friends to assist in such a critically needed charity." A Final Point of Clarification regarding Rev. Elisheva and the public charity   In a recent fund-raising event, a man questioned Rev. Elisheva about the name of the public charity being called "Interfaith,"  which lead him to believe it was a religious organization. She responded  that it was indeed her background as a child born in war-torn Germany and her interfaith ministry which stimulated a desire to promote good works where most needed  She also said that perhaps it would have been more appropriate to have named it "Any Faith and None" or just 'Humanitarian Sanctum' or some such designation; but, ' Interfaith'  is a philosophy of total inclusion, which is dedicated to building bridges ... and it just felt right!"  She also emphasized that IHS is being supported by a real diversity of churches (Unitarian Universalists, Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran, Jewish, Mormon, etc.), all recognizing that the sole objective of  IHS is to serve the physical needs of  the least able among us.                   So - now you know!  Come celebrate inclusion with us...  September 14th!

Treated Equally by Their Government - Not in Virginia!

"It would be nice if, for once, the Old Dominion didn't have to be dragged into the future kicking and screaming." That line above caught our attention in an e-mail from Equality Virginia. Then it lead us to the full article below. We asked Barton Hinkle, writer for the Richmond Times Dispatch, for permission to introduce it to our blog readers. He said yes.   We performed one of the first same-sex marriages just days after approval in Washington, D.C. And we will continue to drive up to the nation's Capitol, presently the closest zone of equality for same-sex marriage. However, it will be such a pleasure when the opportunity comes to Virginia , and those bumper stickers can reflect for everyone that "Virginia is for Lovers."                                                                                                                                     Blessings ... Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III Hinkle: Repeal the marriage amendment A. Barton Hinkle bhinkle@timesdispatch.com  Sunday, June 30, 2013 12:00 am Last week's twin Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage have left final disposition of the question to the states. So now would be a good time for Virginia and the 30 others with constitutional amendments banning same-sex unions to start repealing them. Even the most strident social conservatives generally do not dispute the principle animating the drive for same-sex marriage: the "fundamental right of all people," as the Cato Institute put it during litigation over DOMA and California's Proposition 8, "to be treated equally by their government." Governments must not discriminate "based solely on differences that are irrelevant to legitimate governmental objectives." But there is no compelling governmental reason to deny gay couples equal marriage rights or the benefits that attend them. Government's elemental duty consists of protecting individual rights from aggression. Same-sex marriages imperil nobody's rights. They harm no one. Hence opponents have conjured up other rationales. We are told, for instance, that marriage equality somehow threatens "the institution of marriage." This is akin to arguing that letting gay couples open bank accounts threatens the institution of banking. It not only does not follow, it is counterintuitive. Voluminous evidence suggests other social forces have eroded traditional marriage while gay marriage has left it unscathed. Marriage's worst declines occurred in the 1960s and 1970s - long before gay marriage arrived on the scene. And where gay marriage has been legalized, other marriages have not suffered. Massachusetts approved gay marriage a decade ago. Marriage rates there shot up shortly afterward as gay couples wed, and have remained steady since. What's more, in states that have legalized gay marriage, divorce rates have been lower, on average, than before legalization. They also have been lower than the national average. Nationwide, marriage rates are higher among those who tend to support gay marriage - well-to-do college graduates - than among cohorts that support gay marriage less. This shouldn't come as a big surprise. Time and again, social conservatives confronted with imminent progress have predicted dire consequences that never came to pass. Women's suffrage was condemned as an "exceedingly dangerous" experiment that would destroy chivalry, defy God's will, violate biological law, and require "a radical change in human nature of which the world has never given the faintest sign." Women gained the vote - and yet somehow, Western civilization abides. Opponents of integrating the armed forces similarly denounced the notion as an "experiment" that would "cripple our national defense" and "result in ultimate defeat." It didn't. Foes of integrating the schools warned that doing so would ruin "the amicable relations between the white and Negro races," bring "unending violence and strife," and destroy public education. It didn't. Critics of repealing "don't ask, don't tell" warned that letting homosexuals serve openly in the military would threaten "unit cohesion," "break the all-volunteer force," etc. It didn't. Perhaps because of this record, the dwindling cadre that opposes gay marriage is falling back on less empirical arguments: Marriage is for procreation; polygamy's a-comin'; the Bible condemns homosexuality. (True. It also decrees, in Deuteronomy 22:13-21, that a bride who is not a virgin "shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death." Maybe we should look elsewhere for legislative guidance.) As the case against gay marriage has grown weaker, public support for it has grown stronger. Seven years ago, 57 percent of voters approved Virginia's ban on same-sex marriage. Today, 56 percent of Virginians think gay marriage should be legal. That is bad news for Ken Cuccinelli, the Republican candidate for governor, who remains staunchly opposed to gay marriage in particular and to homosexuality in general, which he considers "intrinsically wrong." It might be better news for Cuccinelli's Democratic opponent, Terry McAuliffe - if McAuliffe had any discernible principles, or courage to match them. McAuliffe gave tepid, pro-forma applause to last week's Supreme Court decisions but refuses to say whether Virginia should repeal its gay marriage ban. That leaves only Robert Sarvis, the Libertarian candidate, who notes Virginia's sordid history in matters marital: Not until 1967, in the case of Richard and Mildred Loving, was Virginia's ban on interracial marriage overturned. "If it weren't for the courage of the Lovings," Sarvis says, "I might not have been able to marry the woman I love. But today, Virginia still isn't for all lovers. That's why I want to honor the Loving legacy and lead the fight now, in this election, to recognize same-sex marriage in Virginia." The clear trajectory of the issue indicates that same-sex marriage eventually will come to pass, in Virginia and the rest of the country, just as women's suffrage, school desegregation, interracial marriage and all the rest did. It would be nice if, for once, the Old Dominion didn't have to be dragged into the future kicking and screaming. bhinkle@timesdispatch.com

It's Worth Reading Again!

It's Worth Reading Again! I asked the ACLU if I could reprint their article received June 26, 2013.  It is below, just in case you did not see it, and need to retain access to their site.  It is important to retain accurate information and read actual cases, and one important source in this fight for equality is the ACLU.   http://www.acluva.org  Stay involved ... the fight is not over We do not assume that everyone knows that the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) are leaders in this on-going movement. We urge you and yours to stay actively involved. Rev. T. Wade and I have been active supporters and  visited Congress with HRC supporters when seeking to repeal Don 't Ask Don't Tell (DADT), among other critical topics. Since that ridiculous law was ended, so much work has been accomplished to bring us to to the high Court's decisions of June 26. Stay Vigilant! Be ALL that you can be, but BE who you are! Much love ... Reverend Elisheva Major U.S. Supreme Court Victories for Marriage Equality! Today, the ACLU of Virginia, along with thousands of allies and LGBT community members around the United States, celebrates a monumental victory in the fight for the freedom to marry.  In a 5-4 ruling, the U.S. Supreme Court made a historical decision to strike down the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional, recognizing that there is no valid reason for the federal government to treat legally married LGBT couples any differently because of their sexual orientation. The Court ruling came in Windsor v. U.S., an ACLU lawsuit filed on behalf of Edie Windsor, a widowed lesbian who, after the death of her spouse Thea Spyer, was required to pay over $360,000 in federal estate taxes -- taxes she would not have owed if she were married to a man. In the second LGBT rights case decided today, the Court ruled that proponents of Prop 8, a California referendum that overturned the freedom to marry in that state, did not have legal standing to challenge a federal court decision that Prop 8 was invalid and unconstitutional. The Supreme Court decision has the effect of restoring the freedom to marry for Californians.  The result is that one-third of Americans now live in jurisdictions in which the freedom to marry is equally available to LGBT and straight couples. What does this all mean for Virginia?  First, the federal government will now treat all Virginians legally married in other states the same regardless of sexual orientation.  That means the 1,100 federal benefits tied to marriage will become available to legally married Virginians regardless of the fact that Virginia doesn't recognize their marriages.  As an example, the Secretary of Defense issued this statement today concerning actions the Defense Department will take that will affect members of the military and their spouses stationed here: "The Department of Defense welcomes the Supreme Court's decision today on the Defense of Marriage Act. The department will immediately begin the process of implementing the Supreme Court's decision in consultation with the Department of Justice and other executive branch agencies. The Department of Defense intends to make the same benefits available to all military spouses -- regardless of sexual orientation -- as soon as possible. That is now the law and it is the right thing to do." Second, while we celebrate the freedom to marry now accorded our friends in California and the 12 other jurisdictions that recognize same-sex marriage, the discrimination written into Virginia's constitution in 2006 (which prohibits any governmental recognition of any relationships other than marriage between a man and a woman) remains unaffected by today's decisions.   That is why the ACLU of Virginia is recommitting itself to ensuring that the freedom to marry can be enjoyed equally by all Virginians.  While we moved closer to that goal today, in Virginia it remains a goal to be achieved rather than a reality to be celebrated. We look forward to working with you in this important effort.

Let's Talk Weather!

More specifically ...  Let's address the landscape for having a marvelous escape As wedding ministers who travel frequently,  the opportunities to experience every month of the year allows us a multitude of experiences.  It also allows for making suggestions to couples, which may mean some extra planning.  No - I am not talking about changing dates, since booking of a venue most likely has already been secured by deposit for a favored location. I am speaking of making plans to secure the best possible outcome for the ceremony. Large or small weddings require the same attention to attendees There is considerable flexibility for small weddings, but no less attention is required for even a few special guests.  They all come to enjoy, listen intently and remember your special day. It does not have to be a perfect setting or perfect weather; it does require adaptability for comfort.  If indeed there is a need to quickly move inside, has that move been reviewed and planned with adequate staff to take chairs, decorations, and equipment inside?  How long will such a change take?  Is there a planned cut-off time for making the move, and no procrastination?  If a small venue or home wedding, let friends know that they may be recruited for extra duties as the situation dictates. There are better months for planning for outdoor weddings ... so pre-planning is best When scouting venues, talk to location managers or locals, and listen carefully.  As said, we always look at the location on an inquiry form, plus the date, time of day, and size of audience. These factors are all important in early planning, especially for an outdoor ceremony. The very first response to most couples, especially when hosting a large to medium size audience is to make sure that an alternative plan is absolutely in place for moving inside quickly and efficiently.  Yes - it's wonderful to be out in a park or on a beach, until a storm arrives and everyone is forced to either run or sit in total discomfort for a twenty minute ceremony. This can be an adventure for many young people, but rest assured that elderly people with health concerns will not be so enchanted by nature's unexpected turn.  Check the forecast beginning days in advance, and discuss deadlines for movement inside There are months which can be bone-chillingly cold.  And there are months when the heat will melt the candles.  Both conditions affect the comfort of guests, and that can be very disappointing. Friends and family have generally traveled for a day of comfortable surroundings. Thirty minutes outside with a wind chill of thirty-five degrees and no covering can make for a very long ceremony. The same is true when the temperature is one hundred degrees at 3 PM on the lawn of a golf club.  The formal wear begins to be most burdensome. Unexpected cool weather is generally the most disruptive... although heat can be dangerous Cold and wet attire, wind chill, and sitting still and listening for 20-30 minutes is not enjoyable. Do not expect the best voice from a minister or reader, and especially for singers and musicians when the conditions are so challenging.  Sunrise weddings may work for an elopement for ten minutes, but quite frankly even ministers tend to pass on some challenges. When a  minister speaks of situations from hundreds of ceremonies ... LISTEN! As much as a couple can be determined to make it work, the first concern must be the guests and female members of a wedding party with naked shoulders shivering in the wind.  May -September are the most popular months, but when it's hot, heat stroke can occur. Standing members can become faint.  Most ceremonies can be situated outside at the time of day when shade will fall on the audience, or a tent may be erected to provide some cover. However, the heat may not be diminished very much, and guests should be provided water abundantly.  When direct sun is a concern, then guests should be allowed to stay in the shade until the last minute and then told to take their places in an open seating arrangement. They must NEVER be allowed to sit and boil while the wedding party is running late for entry. A possibility often neglected Venues in the cooler months should not be overlooked. Take the group inside a cozy hotel or B&B for a wonderful environment.  Most venues will be less apt to be filled, and may even offer special price considerations.  Most ministers are delighted to receive inquiries during the winter months.  Of course there may be a need for caution for those months when snows can arrive, such as January-March.  This can diminish travel by air and auto, but generally not for more than a day. Also, many friends and family may actually be more readily available for attendance and able to leave working obligations in the early part of the year.  Just sharing. Remember - whenever and wherever the ceremony takes place,  it will be the most important ceremony in your lives.  However, there is wisdom in close scrutiny and early planning.  Also - the couple who plans together will enjoy the process so much more.  Planning a wedding is a part of marriage. Much love ... Reverend Elisheva

Charlottesville's First-Ever Pride Festival

The Pride Festival will be held September 15th (next Saturday) from 2-6 pm at Lee Park in downtown Charlottesville. Lee Park is next to the Downtown Mall and the Central Library. Lee Park is on East Market Street. Parking on street and Market Street Garage. Notes from Amy Sarah Marshall, C'ville Pride President We're super-excited by the overwhelming response we've received from the community. I had originally wanted to have an event like this to draw people out of the woodwork - or closet - where many people in this area stay.  I'm delighted that my dream is actually coming true. So many folks have told me that they just keep to themselves and don't get involved in anything having to do with the LGBT community, but they are thrilled to have this opportunity to connect with others. Over 630 people on Facebook alone have said they are attending the festival. Area businesses will sponsor & attend as vendors I guess you just don't know until the question is asked whether a business or organization supports equality and LGBT rights or not. I think many of us - including myself - just don't ask the question. We "pass" as straight, stay under the radar, constantly questioning or wondering if we'd be accepted or rejected by others based on our sexual orientation. It's a pretty safe way to exist, but it's also a weighty burden to carry. Lisa, Amy Sarah, Buck & Julie Festival will provide fun lots of fun We will have poetry, drag performances, music, performance art in the main tent. Dave Norris, former Charlottesville mayor, will host. We'll also be joined by the lady arm wrestlers, the Derby Dames, face painters, jewelry crafters, nail and hair salon professionals, food vendors, and more. The kids' area will feature a bouncy castle and crafts and bubbles. The spiritual community will be represented by churches and Buddhist organizations. Non-profits representing healthcare, politics, and community activism will offer information on available resources. A special wedding vendor table will list LGBT-friendly services. But most of all ... The LGBTQ community will get the chance to find each other and get support for being themselves from straight allies and supporters. We as a whole community will get a chance to celebrate and stand up for equality for all of us.                                                                                                    Love ... Amy Sarah Marshall Comment from Reverend Elisheva Clegg, ordained Interfaith Minister This is a wonderful opportunity for everyone who receives this e-mail newsletter and lives in Virginia, Maryland and DC area to drive down to Charlottesville for a terrific day of sharing. We will have a table at the Festival with handouts to let the LGBT community know how we promote and support marriage in Washington, D.C. as the closest zone of equality for same-sex marriages. The Festival is perfectly located next to the Historic Mall with restaurants and shops for an extended evening of enjoyment after the events in Lee Park. Why not spend the weekend? For more information go to  www.cvillepride.org              Blessings ... Reverend Elisheva