Blue Ridge Rainbow Ceremonies

Blenheim Farm & Vineyards - A Spendid Place to have a Wedding!

2012-01-14T16:52:00.001-05:00

Splendid Opportunity for a Wedding!

This past Monday, January 9th, we were invited to visit a truly marvelous vineyard in Albemarle County along Carter Mountain Road. It was rainy and cold, probably the least likely time of the year for a wedding. However, once on the farm and inside several of the farm's 1800's style buildings, one could immediately sense all the possibilities for small-medium size weddings inside those cozy buildings. And it is easy to visualize the outside lawn area in spring, summer and fall with views over the vineyard.

When reviewing all of the marvelous locations for a wedding, couples now have another stunning setting near Charlottesville, Virginia from which to choose. The Blenheim Farm has several buildings for selection to accommodate various audience sizes for a wedding. There is the Main House, the Library and the

Chapel can host 20 - 25 guests

Historic Chapel. Outside on the lawn are a number of possible wedding sites near large trees. Of course there is also the opportunity to rent the entire farm for events up to 200 people.

The Blenheim Farm and Vineyards is located at 31 Blenheim Road. The first objective driving from Charlottesville is to head out toward Monticello on Highway 53. Keep driving past Monticello to the Thomas Jefferson Vineyards. Just past their entrance on Highway 53 is James Monroe Parkway. Go south 4.8 miles down the James Monroe Parkway after leaving Highway 53. You will pass Ashlawn Highland (home of President James Monroe) on the right. James Monroe Parkway becomes Carter Mountain Road at about 2.6 miles. Turn onto Blenheim Road at the new Trump Vineyard Tasting Room sign. Drive 0.6 miles to the Blenheim entrance on the left side of the road.

Historic Library

Just reading the directions should give a rather good impression of the magnificent area which is wine-growing country unequalled in Virginia.

Who says you can't dine outdoors?

Many of you reading this description and the Blenheim Farm website will be interested to know of the possibilities for business and family gatherings, in addition to weddings. Call or e-mail Kathy Del Rosso, Director of Sales and Marketing, a marvelous tour guide for planning an event. Her e-mail is kathy@blenheimvineyards.com or call her cell phone at (434) 962-4241.

A Personal Note to LGBT Military Members

2011-10-24T10:46:00.003-04:00

From Reverend Thomas Wade Clegg III, ordained Interfaith Minister

Major, USAFR Retired

DADT has been officially repealed. Gay and lesbian service members may now serve openly. The Department of Defense has issued guidance for service members available at http://www.defense.gov/home/features/2010/0610_dadt/.

The repeal has the force of law, passed by Congress and signed by the President. Active military should now feel comfortable to serve openly. That being said, obviously same-sex couples that have contacted us must make a personal decision with which they're comfortable. DADT repeal, of course, doesn't require them to come out.

If you encounter any specific issues, you may want to reach out to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, which provides direct legal services to members of the military. I also suggest (make that URGE) you to read SLDN's excellent guide on LGBT military service after repeal. It's available at http://sldn.3cdn.net/5d4dd958a62981cff8_v5m6bw1gx.pdf.

Press on ... your country needs you.

Blessings ... Rev. T. Wade

A Romantic Checklist to Cherish ....

2011-09-05T17:00:00.002-04:00

Over the years I have asked and received such insightful personal notes from so many of you who needed to share the "little" things that continue to make your relationship a marvelous journey. Those cumulative little things are such a BIG part of making the journey enjoyable. Sometimes I may take a few of these notes and add some remarks; however, when someone else writes a very good summary for consideration, I will ask to extend its exposure.

The following article by Dustin M. Wax originally appeared at Stepcase Lifehack, located at http://www.lifehack.org/. I asked Dustin if we could post it again, and he kindly said yes. It's not just a list; it's a concise checklist which all good pilots should read every time he or she senses the need to fly higher. In this case it's that checklist for securing a continuously smooth and vibrant relationship. Enjoy!

10 Keys to a Successful Romantic Relationship

In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it's the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or cold look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.

According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.

Tell your partner you love them. Although it's true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple "I love you" or "You mean the world to me" can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
Show some affection. Small acts of physical intimacy - the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street - give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
Show appreciation for your partner. Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them - what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn't just about the initial bonding - it's about encouraging and supporting each other's growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
Share yourself. Don't keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it's important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
Be there for your partner. Be there for your partner. It's obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it's just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life's little challenges, too - an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don't let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don't stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what's bothering them and offer whatever help - even if it's just sympathy - you can.
Give gifts. Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store - anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to "I love you" - again, the little reminder that they're always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
Respond gracefully to your partner's demands and shortcomings. A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes preloaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner's quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don't pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner's flaws.
Make "alone time" a priority. No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each others company.
Take nothing for granted. Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you're happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully you are for them). Never take that for granted - a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop, it starts to slide away.
Strive for equality. Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don't expect or demand special considerations you'd be unwilling to offer in return.

Blessings .... Reverend Elisheva Clegg

An Opportunity to Reflect and Project for Memorial Weekend

2011-05-30T16:45:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we do hesitate between blog entries, perhaps too long. The last entry of "Stop, Look and Listen" was one of those articles which needs to just linger there and allow for you to read it again, and perhaps again, and gather in the substance. However, it is time to press along with more thoughts.

Many blog entries are meant to answer direct questions from the "soon to be married," or "the just got married," or from "parents wondering what is the best route for planning." Those may or may not interest every recipient, whereas the "Stop, Look, and Listen" entry of February 4, 2011(when it was published in the www.virginiaweddings.blogspot.com blog site) has merit for everyone. In fact it was written to remind ME to self-reflect, and allow you to share.

So - forgive us if we don't provide a stimulating read each time to interest every one, but over the course of time, we hope our efforts will be considered as personal notes between friends. Perhaps something said will apply as you advise friends, family, children and grandchildren. Remember - this cycle of life is continuous, and the older you get, the more that YOU are the keeper of lessons to be shared. We hope in some small way to offer a few pertinent ideas, while sharing the thoughts of very real people who have graced our lives.

Memorial Weekend ...

It's Saturday afternoon as I write, just prior to driving over to our Community Garden plots in Palmyra along Route 53, which is Jefferson Parkway. It's just a 2-lane highway which is the same road which Mr. Jefferson used to travel from Monticello to Richmond and on to Washington. His travel took days, whereas our frequent trips to Richmond and DC only takes 1-2 hours. I suspect that Mr. Jefferson would have really appreciated a paved road in his days along Route 53.

I've been writing to individual friends about coming to visit, and enticing them with thoughts of cherry-picking, peach donuts, cold apple cider, and picnics out in a local orchard. We will do almost anything to attract friends and OUR children to come and visit. It is especially lovely today with so much growth occurring . So - I enclosed the websites of two lovely locations to instigate that desire to leave home for a day or two and join us in our garden or perhaps more appealing gardens in the Charlottesville area. After all, our own garden requires getting "deeply" involved.
Living on Highway 53 near Monticello already has its appeal, but meeting in locations where you can pick fruit already in season and lay back in the grass ...well ...that is appealing, so we pull out the stops with vivid descriptions.

Open the two websites in this paragraph which Mrs. Chiles sends me every few weeks. You will see why we enjoy sharing our location and opportunities. Check out www.CarterMountainOrchard.com and www.SpringValleyOrchard.com. Carter Mountain is the highest point and is the nearest to us, and provides marvelous views of our area. A site worth seeing!

Back to my more emotional thoughts for this weekend

All of this sweet growth around me does not deter my sadness regarding the devastating path which nature has dealt in Tuscaloosa, Joplin, and so many smaller places. My days as a child riding my bike through the Forest Lake area of Tuscaloosa keeps flooding back in my fondest memories, for it is one of those areas so destroyed that the landscape is only left to memories.

As I sit in a place of calmness today, the reality is that nature and its whims can bring a stop to life as we know it. It is why I tend to squeeze Elisheva more as life continues, and send out frequent notes to entice family gatherings, even if right there in their own homes.

I also remember those who have served and are serving in military and civilian roles, and those who have died or received terrible injuries. Whether by the winds of war or weather, the losses bring such a sense of finality.

I awoke this morning with my window open and a cool breeze delaying my ability to move. My sleep was shattered by two small birds carrying on so loudly as they spoke to each other about their day. I started laughing as I listened, aroused by the sounds and feel of nature coming into my day... another wonderful opportunity. Initially, I wanted to shout "Shut up!" but instead my only thought was, "Thank you!"

I took several deep breaths and remembered those who were anticipating this same joy I was feeling, but are with us no more. The joy of their being, my appreciation of their being, and my appreciation for my being can be overwhelming at times. I know that you know the feelings of which I speak.

Take a moment to review all that is given, and all that we can give, and move into your day, and those to come, with giving more and sharing more. It will lead to healing of others ... and healing of self.

Love ... Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

Best Time to Secure Yourselves is Always NOW!

2011-04-30T17:32:00.000-04:00

Over the years of responding to LGBT couples, first requesting commitments, and now marriage, I have always added a critical paragraph to remind every couple to locate a gay friendly attorney in your area and secure yourselves with proper documents. THAT NECESSITY HAS NOT CHANGED!

Therefore, I was delighted to receive a highly informative e-mail letter from Tom Sullivan, Director of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Family Project. Many recipients of HRC information will have read Tom's letter, and his continuing concern not only to have proper documents, but to have immediate access to those documents in emergency situations.

Tom briefly related the number of horror stories he's heard. Stories of loved ones barred from hospital rooms. A man who had to drive for hours to retrieve healthcare directives as his partner lay in the hospital after a brain injury. The pain of discrimination at the worst possible moment.

Tom's immediate appeal to everyone was to give consideration to HRC's partnership with Docubank for a special annual rate. Please click on the link below:

The link is http://www.hrcbackstory.org/2011/04/protecting-your-healthcare-rights/

This service stores electronic copies of all legal documents you might need in a medical emergency, and provides a card to carry with you at all times for immediate access by hospital staff by fax or a secure webpage.

I asked Tom for the link to this important affiliation, and found a host of vital in depth items surrounding this announcement. On the page entitled HRC Back Story, please click on the hyperlink legal documents to protect your family. You must first make a deliberate effort to secure and complete these documents. They are so critical to your future. THEN - once completed, those documents can be securely stored and accessed in case of an emergency.

Please take a moment, access this link, read about the Docubank offering, and use this extended article to link to the many surrounding articles for updates on critical LGBT issues.

There is no time for skirting these important happenings in route to full equality. Stay informed ... and stay secure.

Regarding Future Requests for Commitments

2011-02-08T17:25:00.001-05:00

A Personal note from Rev. Elisheva Clegg

This blog is being placed for all to read, but it is dedicated to all same-sex couples who are planning a commitment in the years ahead. I am hopeful that all who have allowed our participation in their commitments, and all I have married in DC, will openly encourage other same-sex couples to consider legal marriage versus a commitment ceremony.

For every same-sex couple who has requested information for a commitment since March 2010, we have forwarded guidance which is most of the information which follows in this blog entry. I have urged couples to turn their attention to a legal marriage certificate, which is open to them in Washington, D.C.

It's time to perform weddings, not commitments

I am now announcing that we have one more commitment scheduled in September this year. This was arranged many months ago; however, it will be the last commitment we will perform.

Our general range for assisting has been in a four state area, namely Virginia, Maryland, West Virginia and North Carolina. None of these states presently accept a legal wedding license from Washington, D.C., but it is the closest location for this wonderful opportunity for a same-sex couple.

There has been a strong wind blowing for full equality in this country, but I am not always confident that some locations are secured. There are political forces which have come to power which are determined to deny equality, and would if given the chance, take away the progress which has been made. Therefore, it behooves every same-sex couple to forego a commitment in those states where legal marriage is not accepted, and stand before their partner, with families and friends, and have their life-time commitment legally recognized in the Capitol City of the United States of America.

There is something special happening in The District of Columbia

As I often say in DC same-sex weddings, the shutters are now open in the nation's most revered city, and the light of freedom is flooding in. This opportunity is not to be ignored. I am now urging same-sex couples to review their plans, take the time for planning, budget for travel and time, and aim for a credential which is so meaningful in their life journey.

I am registered to marry in the District of Columbia for all marriages. DC is the closest opportunity for obtaining a legal marriage for same-sex couples for those states mentioned above. However, I have performed DC weddings this past year for couples from Texas, Ohio, Georgia, North Carolina, Maryland and Virginia. There is a definite appeal to all couples to come to the seat of government, the federal city, and register a legal lifetime commitment.

Same sex couples need to understand and plan...this is meant for you!

First, visit http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.blogspot.com and read the August 11, 2010 blog entry. Then scroll back to March 20 and March 12 entries. These items need your attention for thoughts about a same-sex wedding.

You have probably read the website at: http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.org but not the blog entries as described above. They were especially written for couples who live away from DC. Please read the other blog entries also as time allows.

This note is to encourage a plan to obtain that legal status which will have merit if you decide to move to a state where gay marriage legality in DC is accepted, which also includes New York, which does not actually have same-sex marriages. Then there is the case pending in MA, which may change for same-sex couples to have access to those same advantages under federal law afforded to opposite-sex marriages. There is much happening, and the time for YOU to take advantage of this marvelous shift in society is now.

When a minister may be your best choice for performing the wedding

Since March 2010 we have married six couples in DC. Two weddings were on riverboats, one in a hotel, one in a park, one in a home, and a student center. Two were large weddings, one a dozen friends, and others just a few people. When a couple wants the freedom to pick a comfortable setting, away from the courthouse for any size audience, and on the day and time of their own choice, then that opportunity is open through the services of a minister registered with the DC Clerk's Office.

When I marry someone in DC, they will have visited and applied for the license, and then returned at anytime later, which can be many months, and picked up the license and stayed for a few days which allowed for planning for a wedding date in conjunction with retrieving the license. This has worked well for most couples with proper planning, and some flexibility for the two trips to DC, of course the second trip generally with the wedding date also.

Couples within three to four hundred miles may consider planning a 2-day trip by car for visiting the clerk's office for making an application. You could drive up on a Sunday, spend the night near the city, and apply in DC at the Clerk's Office on early Monday and return home. Just an idea, but always call their office (see the link in one of the blog entries) to make sure they are open and not one of their off days or holidays.

Couples who live at considerable distances with the means to consider a short vacation in the Capitol City may wish to come for the week. Our last wedding was performed in The International Student House in January 2011. The couple arrived on a Sunday, applied for their license on Monday, picked up their license on Thursday, were married before close family and friends from Atlanta on Saturday and returned to Georgia on Sunday. It was a full week of sharing the sites in the District and northern Virginia.

You do have that courthouse option in the District

There is the option of marrying at the DC clerk's office, but most couples cannot plan to stay from the time of application for the ten days minimum until a court date can be set in the courthouse for an officer of the court to marry you. In addition, it is a short civil ceremony and with limited numbers able to attend at a very specific time. It is certainly reasonably priced, but generally only convenient to those who live in or near the City of Washington. I encourage exploration with the clerk's office. This may be the route for you.

Ministerial options for a personalized ceremony are many

Please know that my objective is to personalize a wedding in every case. This is accomplished through exchanges and answering my questionnaires individually so that I know hopes and dreams. The core theme is always the love of two people. Upon completion of the short form on my website, I will send my detailed attachment for further decision-making.

Week day weddings are Monday-Thursday. Weekend day weddings are Friday-Sunday. They are classified this way, since week days provide more openings for availability, and because spring, summer and early fall weekends are often booked. The fee is slightly higher and kept stable for the last two years. Until I know details for projecting to a couple, I do not generalize, but give very specific details for further decision-making.

The only difference in cost has been when a couple requests our presence the day before for a rehearsal or meeting, which entails a hotel room for one night. Then - the hotel room near or in the city is reserved and paid for by the couple, and this is not a part of the fee. Please note that a portion of every fee is allowed to be donated to our non-religious public charity which is a tax deductible opportunity.

Young gay couples so often have no idea where to start

We receive inquiries weekly from young couples who ask if they can marry legally in their state. Most of these couples are from North Carolina. These are young people who have been closed off from contact with large more progressive groups. Perhaps they are living in a strict religious family where there is no one to have open communication. Once there is maturity and loving connection with a partner, exploration begins. There is an excitement of learning what doors have been opened, and each generation is learning for the first time.

Once a couple has that legal marriage license, they can return home and plan a reception for family and friends who could not attend the ceremony in DC. It is important to host a reception or dinner to celebrate your marriage. Display the license at the gathering and involve others in this special celebration.

Join the groups which have credible information for equality efforts

I invite any young couple to carefully review this blog and the references offered. I am asking others to point those couples to this blog entry for exposure. It is also imperative that gay couples become members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). No single organization has made a bigger difference in the fight for equality than HRC. Every person with an HRC membership is kept informed. Do not neglect this affiliation.

When a gay couple returns home with their marriage license, it is imperative to arrange a meeting with an experienced, gay-friendly attorney in their own community. That license will establish the degree of seriousness and commitment of the couple. Some day it will make a difference, as the numbers grow, to bring total equality to all states. Meanwhile, a gay couple must move to have all necessary documents properly documented and filed for their own self-protection. This is not a casual directive; it is an absolute imperative.

That's it for now. I hope this has assisted. Planning a wedding is a part of marriage. Yes, in most cases the planning for a same-sex marriage is a bit more cumbersome for the long distance couple, but it is a journey which warrants taking time and making it happen.

Blessings ... Rev. Elisheva

This Is Worth Saying in Every Place Where You Have a Voice!

2010-11-21T18:39:00.000-05:00

"This is worth saying in every place where you have a voice. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times."

There is a determination among far too many religious groups, mostly far right leaning, to label and list and diminish other human beings who do not follow their narrow beliefs. Had there not been a U.S. Constitution designed to separate and provide an opportunity for human rights, this country would be among the worst in the world's history, a collection of religious zealots taking the sword to every other group who did not worship their myths.

So many of the large right leaning religious groups are morphing into political machines, or allowing front groups to do their bidding. They are pushing a dogma of separation within their madrassas, which are not only Muslim, but also Christian, Mormon, etc. All fanatical religious schools should be called for what they are, no matter which religion. They all profess that THEIR religious book or scripture is the only book needed for this country and the world.

Believe me, they do believe this narrowly! Have you not heard the voices of division on TV, radio and seen it in print? These "bring on the end of the world gladly" groups have mastered the art of programmed learning to keep intolerance a prominent plank in their agendas.

These folks are still actively promoting their agendas of intolerance and meanness at an increased pace. There is a determination to punch holes in the separation of church and state and allow their own brand of theocratic elements to bring rot to the fabric which made this country a light for the world.

Be very aware of their impact and especially the new breed which will, if unchecked, lead us into war-mongering never witnessed before. Make no mistake that war is not a last alternative for so many who will allow their God of Fear and Devastation to prevail. Their initial moves are of course directed at internal hate and division.

Simply look around you at the rhetoric of hate which has arisen only since the Obama Administration gave the world a sense of hope. There is an emboldened sense of racial hatred allowed from large segments of religious right leadership; there would be laws to lock up homosexuals if allowed; there would definitely be a design to reduce civil rights; and there is a push to convince the less educated middle class to vote against their own well-being and allow the less fortunate to simply suffer. They have even convinced women to diminish their daughters to believe they have no right over their reproductive choices.

There is indeed a sadness by those of us who realize that Christ has been removed from so many Christian denominations. Their God will only approve of those who should know their place in this society. Their God is very exclusive.

Fortunately the U.S. Constitution still gives us a chance to continue to evolve into a people dedicated to the well-being of a total population. If this downward religious evolution were left to the hierarchy of the evangelical Christians, Catholic Church and Mormon Church, and their interpretation in their books as to how you WILL live, where you decide to reside in this world will be left up for grabs.

I am a retired military officer and an ordained interfaith minister. I have continued to review and declare my belief in the ideals of this country, and I stayed in service to seek to support those ideals. I became an interfaith minister to continue to serve a singular purpose, namely the well-being of others.

There was an alarming trend at the U.S. Air Force Academy a few years ago, which was finally recognized and placed back on track. There were senior officers with general rank who were promoting a Christian Air Force. These boys were raised in the name of an exclusive god, and not one of them respected the U. S. Constitution. They are among the Taliban Christians and when recognized, they must be sent packing.

The religious elements which have fought against the repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" are determined to keep this country in the shameful role of promoting second class status. Every progressive nation except Turkey and Iran allow all citizens to openly serve in the defense of their country. The United States of America has leaders who make us look more like Iran than other countries.

It is time to elect leaders who would make us a richer nation for everyone, not just a richer nation for the selfish, the intolerant, and the richest people to ever find a dominance over 98% of the world. It is time to push back loudly and clearly for what you believe and know is THE WELL BEING FOR ALL.

I took time to write the note below to Virginia's two Senators, for they are the guardians elected to make the Constitution a worthy document, not all those bibles which were written for chosen peoples and chosen peoples' desire to be empowered at the exclusion of anyone not professing their beliefs.

I am asking you to write to your editors and promote in your groups and businesses what will bring this country back to integrity. I can assure you that NO ONE REPRESENTS ME who stood in front of a microphone recently and said, "The American people have spoken," and wrapped my flag in a republican tea party determination to make us the least respected of nations.

My e-mails to my Senators in Congress is provided to offer some ideas, some stimulus to your writing skills. Do not wait. Now is your time to speak!

These e-mails were sent to senior staff members in each Senator's office.

A Personal note and attachments below for Senator Webb (and Senator Warner)

TO: Maribel_Ramos@webb.senate.gov

Your kind attention to my note below to Senator Warner is appreciated. PLEASE pass it by Senator Webb. I invoke his name in the note, for it is an idea which has merit and NOW. I support both senators and this is one place they can come together and make an impact.

My best to you and the Senator. Sincerely...T. Wade

From: IHS [mailto:info@interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org]
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2010 4:31 PM
To: Leah_Ralph@warner.senate.gov
Subject: FW: Responding to your message

A Personal note from Rev. T. Wade Clegg III Interfaith Minister and Founding Member Interfaith Humanitarian Sanctum     Website: http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org

Ref: Senator Warner's letter below

Dear Leah,

Please relate this note to the Senator:

Thanks for the response below. The military was built for challenges, and for adapting quickly for changes. I know, I am a retired Air Force Officer (Major), and so is my daughter (Lt Colonel), now living in Alexandria. Allow senior leadership to identify those challenges, and then ask for their list for implementation, then you can tell them how to make it happen more expeditiously. As long as this DADT policy exists, integrity is not simply in question; it is non-existent.

It matters not if a solider is on the bottom of some religious intolerant list; it matters that every soldier is considered equal on the American citizen list. Present heterosexual members of the military are treated with dignity and respect, therefore that is not in question. Homosexual members of the military are not being treated with dignity and respect, and no matter what color you paint that picture, it is dark.

Senator, there are some real heroes in our midst who are gay and hold rank. Get those guys and gals together and privately explore their ideas for implementation. You and Senator Webb can do this together and learn a lot of ideas which may not be explored by an older group of straight officers who have their religious beliefs too integrated with their ability to be impartial.   These guys and gals who are gay have a lot of skills which need to be retained in our service. We will not win wars simply with "blunderheads" who know how to shoot straight. We need the full range of intellect to bring us into full and formidable diversity. Too many replacements will never measure up to those dismissed.

I could not believe how many gay translators were dismissed. Can you believe that we kick people out of the service and yet they are qualified for the State Department and for election to make policy decisions in Congress? Is there not something terribly wrong with that? Take a stand and let's set the ship on a forward course. To stay idle is to die at sea. Remember when southern boys wouldn't serve with blacks? Wow, that must have been a long time ago! No...it was just yesterday, and the President of the United States changed that. Get President Obama's back on this challenge and get it done. That's why I voted for you.

If you need someone to sit in on meetings and really listen, I am an Interfaith Minister who will be working with my wife as we marry couples in DC and continue our years of performing commitments in many states, and I am a retired Information Officer who served in SE Asia. Most of my life now is volunteering to make a difference. I don't mind dividing up a little more time to make a bigger impact. Press on my friend.

Blessings....T. Wade

(NOTE: Please note that when I used the term "blunderheads" in this March 2010 e-mail, I was referring to the "Moral Waivers" being given to convicted felons and misdemeanants into the Armed Forces to maintain recruitment, while dismissing highly skilled gay service members. It's ludicrous to keep saying we have the BEST, when these troops receiving such waivers lack proper education and physical fitness, and are the most likely to bring shame and disgrace to a unit's cohesion. )

From: Office of Senator Mark Warner
Sent: Thursday, March 11, 2010 2:25 PM
Dear Mr. Clegg,

     Thank you for contacting me with your views on the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the U.S. military. In order to best represent you as your United States Senator, it is vital that I hear your views on this and other important matters.

      In 1993, President Clinton, in conjunction with senior military leadership and the Senate and House Armed Service Committees, instituted the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy which bars openly gay and lesbian individuals from serving in the military. Since its implementation, there have been many attempts at reform. On January 27, 2010, President Obama made clear in his State of the Union Address that he plans to work with senior military leadership and Congress to repeal the 1993 law.

      The Senate Armed Services Committee recently held a series of hearings that addressed the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy and solicited the views of the Secretary of Defense, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and each of the Service Chiefs. The Pentagon is currently conducting a review of the policy and will make recommendations on how it can be modified to better reflect changing social views on openly gay individuals serving in the military. Given the complexity and sensitivity of the matter, I believe we must place great weight on the opinions of our military leadership, and it will be important to carefully review the Pentagon's ultimate recommendations so we might identify potential challenges in implementation and ensure that we are treating all service members with dignity and respect.

      Again, thank you for taking the time to contact me with your views. I will continue to keep your thoughts in mind as the situation unfolds. As we move forward with the 111th Congress, please continue to be in touch with your opinions and concerns.

Sincerely,
MARK R. WARNER
United States Senator

Please note that the military leaders have spoken, the President has spoken, the survey is in. It's time to tell your Senator to make good on America's legacy of total citizen rights.

In closing, NOW IS THE TIME TO SPEAK OUT. Remember the words of the old Rabbi: "When something is worth saying, repeat it a thousand times."

Blessings, T. Wade

Fewer Commitment Ceremonies… More Marriages in DC

2010-08-11T18:19:00.003-04:00

A personal note to a couple planning a commitment …

We are still performing commitments, but much more rarely. We believe it would be negligent not to encourage couples to consider a legal marriage in Washington, DC, since that opportunity has been available since March 2010. I am registered to marry in the District for all marriages.

This article is not to discourage a commitment service before a gathering of family to recognize and support your relationship for a life time. It is to encourage a plan to obtain that legal status which will have merit if you decide to move to a state where same-sex marriage is accepted, which also includes New York, which does not actually perform same-sex marriages. Be a part of that group of couples with legal standing somewhere. The larger the group standing, the greater the possibilities for legal progress.

Previous blog entries offer real guidance

If you scroll down to the March 12 and March 20 entries in this blog, there are two rather detailed articles for same-sex marriage planning in the District of Columbia. Those entries were written for couples who live at a distance from DC, and are looking for ideas and advice. Civil marriage in the DC Courthouse may be preferable for those who can drive to and from the District with ease, but for couples coming from a distance a personalized wedding with family in a setting that allows for celebration, no limitation for number of guests, and total flexibility for a date and time of day, hiring a registered minister to perform the marriage in a hotel, B&B, chapel, office, or even a park, is recommended.

Marriage first…then celebrate with all the home folks

On August 1, 2010 we met a couple in DC for an elopement-sized same-sex legal wedding, which followed their commitment in Richmond, Virginia in June. Had they not planned the large family event from last year, this probably would have been arranged quite differently, but once they had the plans in place, they had to proceed in Richmond. They then made the extra trips to DC to apply, pickup the license and meet us for a short ceremony in a park area.

There is real diversity of settings for a wedding in the District of Columbia

Since March we have married couples in DC on riverboats, in hotels, and under a shade tree in a park. Two were large weddings, one had a dozen friends, and others just the couple. Our March blog entries have links and suggestions for a B&B location, and of course those few national park settings where one can secure a time and location for a fee. Calvary Baptist Church has a large chapel and a larger sanctuary open for same-sex marriage. The options continue to expand. When in town for the application, take time to explore wedding sites. Once a site is secured and a schedule can be projected, contact us to determine availability.

When applying for a license, use that time for planning the wedding

When I marry someone in DC, they will have visited and applied for the license, and then returned at anytime later, which can be many months, picked up the license and stayed for a few days for a wedding in conjunction with retrieving the license. Many couples use the trip for applying for the license to scout the city and for making arrangements for the wedding at such time as they will return for the license. It’s all a matter of personal planning.

Having a friend or family member in or near DC can prove most helpful

If a couple has a friend or family member in or near DC, and the couple lives at a great distance, then that friend can make application with the Clerk for a couple. This can be a real convenience. You may want to contact the Clerk to access proper forms. Also, if a friend or family member has the receipt from the date the couple made application at the Clerk’s Office, then that person can also pick up the completed license for the couple and retain it until the couple returns. In case it has not been mentioned, weddings must be performed in the District.

More opportunities will occur as this Nation matures

There is a legal case in Massachusetts, which may change the law for same-sex couples to have access to those same advantages under federal law afforded to opposite-sex marriages. There is much happening. Even while writing this article on a Wednesday afternoon, August 4, 2010, the district court in California has ruled that Proposition 8 violated the U.S. Constitution. We believe in due course that same-sex marriage will be reinstated in California.

You must not take anything for granted…stay vigilant

There is a wind of equality blowing across this country, but never forget those forces of bigotry who will never accept the hope which the Constitution of the United States allows to all citizens. Stay alert to those with a mean spirited nature, especially those seeking or holding public office. Be keenly aware of their hate speech. Stay in touch with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and actively supportive.

Perhaps it is time to reconsider: a wedding in DC

So – what am I suggesting? It should be evident. Find a way, even if it is a matter of delay, to make a plan to apply and pick up the license for a legal marriage in Washington, DC. What has been known as a “commitment ceremony,” perhaps should be turned into a celebration of marriage back in your home state, provided those people who count in your lives have not already attended your marriage in DC. For those who could not attend, host a small dinner and display the license framed for all to see, and enjoy the gathering with family and friends. Bundle your joint resources and think “marriage.” That’s what I’m suggesting.

There are variations for all kinds of weddings and celebrations, and you are the coordinators for what is most comfortable and financially suitable for you. You now have a life-time partnership for detailed discussion, so use those combined resources to move forward.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Who Are You?

2010-07-18T19:17:00.000-04:00

We have all heard the stories about “so and so” being such a nice person – polite, sensitive, compassionate, helpful – just the perfect gentleman or lady. Mostly we hear these comments about this person from co-workers, friends or neighbors.

Unfortunately, all too often, when in counseling, I speak to the wife or husband of this “angelic” person and the opposite characteristic or behavior is described. The complaints range from impatience, sarcasm, selfishness, rudeness, short of temper, and in some cases, vulgar and nasty.

It appears there are two personalities contained within the one body. Is this a rare situation? No, I hear these complaints quite often.

An example: “He is willing to help the neighbor in moving a heavy piece of furniture, but I can’t get him to take the garbage out the door.” Or “his/her friend needs to talk, and he/she listens for hours, BUT I can’t get five minutes of attention."

The complaints and comparisons would fill up page after page if I listed all of them. The question always asked is, “Why can he/she not treat me the way he/she treats others? This is not the way I was treated before we got married.”

I get really concerned when after a while this type of behavior effects not only the couple, but is witnessed by the children and has a tremendous effect on them. Is this how married life is? How many of you have a split personality? Are you aware of the person who leaves the house, and then the person who enters the house? Are you one of those people who is possibly beginning to take their partner for granted?

I have recently witnessed a couple up close for the past three days with these exact symptoms and problems. If you meet both of them casually, or even in the workplace, believe me, they are very polite, helpful, and compassionate people. Yet, after 10 years of marriage they have lost the sensitivity towards each other, which of course has lead to a lack of respect for each other. All too easily they disperse sarcastic statements to each other, are short tempered, and in some instances rude to each other.

I know they love each other, BUT there is a quality of love. And, I don’t see the quality of love when they got married so many years ago. What happened? When I inquired, the excuses were “different work shifts, no time for each other, too many credit cards and outstanding debts,”… and the list goes on.

Are these really justifications? … Of course not! I have seen this same behavior in elderly couples and senior couples that have been together over half their lives. There seems to be a complacency setting in which has built up over the past years.

As you know, being aware of these behaviors allows one to take stock; however, the deliberate efforts to change must go far beyond simple recognition.

I would like to hope that none of the couples I have married have entered this phase as of yet. Be aware when you enter your home and see your family that you show them, not just the same respect, sensitivity and compassion, but rather ten times more because they ARE YOUR LIFE! … and why would you hurt your own life?

This is something to think about ….

While thinking about it, allow me to share a poem from A.L. Alexander’s book, Poems that Touch the Heart. This a keeper. Store it in a folder and visit it often. Love…Elisheva

The Tone of Voice

It’s not so much what you say
As the manner in which you say it;
It’s not so much the language you use
As the tone in which you convey it;

“Come here!” I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
“Come here,” I said –
He looked and smiled
And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair
And the tone may pierce like a dart;
Words may be soft as the summer air
But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind
Grow by study and art –
But tone leaps from the inner self
Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,
Whether you mean or care,
Gentleness, kindness, love and hate,
Envy, anger, are there.
Then, would you quarrels avoid
And peace and love rejoice?
Keep anger not only out of your words-
Keep it out of your voice.

Author Unknown

There oughta be a state where folks can hate freely!

2010-06-29T14:36:00.000-04:00

Picture it …. July 4, 2010 …. Somewhere in the hot, humid, muggy State of Texas (or Country of Texas if you listen to some of them). Seated around an old country store are a group of “good ‘ole boys” talking and discussing world affaires. One of the subjects, of course is the Moslem World and Iran in particular. They proceed to discuss how primitive these ‘towel-heads’ are, how fanatic they are about their religious views, and that the idea of nuking them might be appealing as a solution to the problem.

They agree with their fellow Arizonian brethren about keeping all of “them” out of the country. These guys continue discussions about how such a backward, primitive, uneducated bunch of heathens, like the Arabs, and the undesirables (Mexicans), want to come to this country and take over our government and live off our tax payer’s dollars.

From there the conversation continues to become scary and really dark sounding. They have just realized that they are actually living in a state that allows LGBT people to have equal rights except for marriage.

How can this be? Isn’t Texas an advanced 21st Century ideal state belonging to the advanced United States? How can we have such sick, demented, devious, and disgusting people living in our state that are allowed freedoms like us? “Something has to be done about this,” replies one of the inbred followers. “If we can’t hang ‘em up from a tree, then let’s just do it Constitutionally, and change the dang thing to read the way we think it oughta be – especially in our State during this 21st Century.”

If you were to close your eyes, you can hear the thoughts and ideas of the President of Iran with a Texas accent. He, too, kills gays, lesbians, transgender and bisexual people so that he can say, “we don’t have any in Iran. Homosexuals do not exist in Iran.” He too considers his country as being attacked by Western corrupted ideas and civil rights – especially the Great Satan: The United States. In fact, there is not much difference between his garbage rhetoric and the rhetoric of our “good ‘ole boys” sitting in the store in mid-Texas. Hatred and Ignorance are Hatred and Ignorance in ANY LANGUAGE!

So, let’s pull up a few chairs for the Iranian hate mongers to join forces with the Texas boys and have a real ‘ole Hoedown so they can file for their own tax-exempt hatred organization like the Ku Klux Klan, skinheads, American White Rights Party, etc.

WOW! Is this what we call advanced loving compassionate people of the 21st century? Right. I had considered the idea of letting this group find a piece of land of their own, but such places without human rights or caring already exist. Why even think of another. Of course we all know that what is being expressed is the idea of carving out little zones of exclusivity within United States of America, a republic with ideals which escaped their educational process. The only place where these cowards can belch their hate is the United States of America, with that liberal free speech policy.

If they finally do find a place away from our shores, it will be the last place evolved human beings would ever consider visiting. The voices of the destructive religious right with their exclusive world vision are already seeking to fortify some African nations to be what America cannot tolerate, but they are using those innocents for practice of their own agenda which they would inflict upon this republic if they had the power. They are the root cause of a festering ground of hate.

The best way to contain the haters is to allow them to be known, allow them to speak, allow them to cross that line where the Constitution and common decency will not tolerate, and then – confine them for breaking the laws which are written for this country. The day for keeping a record of the most hateful who use the façade of a church to inflict pain is at hand. The time to challenge for targeted removal of these hate groups calling themselves churches is at hand. The REAL LABEL as cults of hate will in due course be determined in a court of law, and their government protections removed and justice allowed to wipe up their mess.

Another important lesson, often not learned, is when good people hesitate and do not speak. Those who see these morons spouting their hate and hear their rhetoric must be active with their own actions within the law and report them to law enforcement, the media, and keep that bright light shining into their dark nature.

So many good people are in houses of worship which practice their God’s will, which is the well-being of all mankind. Those who have within their religion a Golden Rule can determine the fate of a good and generous nation, and find allies in a good and generous world. If they sit silent and do not accept that there are wolves hiding in too many of the flock, THEN the hate mongers of Texas, Iran and the destructive religious right will continue their crusades for dictatorial theocracies determined to sustain a path of limited and then total human extinction.

There are still genetic mutants in certain elements of the human species who have been so ill educated that they abhor any progress of a good and loving humanity. Their delusional construct to sacrifice others for their imaginary exclusive divinity is problematic, and must be monitored cautiously. In other words there used to be a Department of Agriculture rule restricting vegetable transport across state lines. Now we must be extremely alert to the fruits coming out of Texas. It’s more than toxic; it’s degenerative.

That “hate gene” is powerful, and too many people could be decent without it, but their herd mentality simply won’t let go, for the need to be disfunctional and pray to disfunctionality is too strong. So – the best we can do for now is to allow them to shout loudly so we can hear them…and wait for them to cross that line.

So – remember that ole song about the eyes of Texas. In too many places in the wide open spaces those boys have nothing constructive to do. Those eyes that did shine are now going blind with hate a loose on the trail. They will take you back a century or more, just as the Iranians have done, when women stayed home, and cowboys did roam and killed a tribe or two. It’s a romantic tale the Texans do tell, and the Iranians sing it too. If they’re not our way of normal, then what’s to be done? The answer is clear in the dark Texas night: Pray to god and send those abnormals to hell.

The eyes of the rest of the nation and world are clearly watching more closely and listening for those shrill voices of hate. There is a belief that there are Texans and Iranians who will unleash a torrent of goodness and take corrective action.

Let us hope they do not wait too long, for their children are infected daily. We’ll see in due course. Remember – goodness has its own bite!

Love, Rev. Elisheva

Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part II of II

2010-03-20T03:20:00.002-04:00

Another consideration for obtaining a wedding license in the District of Columbia is that the license, once purchased, is considered “indefinite.” If you would like to confirm for yourself, call the District of Columbia (DC) Marriage Office at (202) 879-4850. (See next blog entry for more details)

In so many states a license is only valid for a set period. In Virginia the license is valid for 60 days from date of purchase. Therefore most couples (regretfully just heterosexual couples) set their wedding date and then purchase their license a few weeks before the actual ceremony. If the wedding is later than the 60 day window, then you must purchase another license.

“Indefinite” certainly is a wide window, and hopefully once known, will allow same-sex couples coming to DC to slow down and plan a schedule. I will comment more on this, but first please read the next paragraph and scroll down for the last blog entry.

The March 12th blog entry (immediately below this) is a must read for same-sex couples to navigate for the application and then the actual pickup of the license. So – please read it for solid guidance and access the links to those websites provided, especially the DC Court Marriage Bureau website.

Many couples from a great distance from DC are planning for a full week in DC or lodging across the river in Virginia or even Maryland. This allows them to visit the DC Marriage Office, complete the application, wait the three(3) days for pickup of the license, and have a ceremony after picking up the license. In other words, perhaps they fly into DC on a weekend, apply for the license on a Monday, pick up the license on Thursday, and plan a wedding ceremony somewhere in the Capitol limits on that Thursday afternoon or Friday or whenever, after picking up the license. “Whenever” is the point of this blog entry.

If staying in DC for a week is not possible to complete the process, then slow it down and consider this possibility: When in DC make the application and place the name of the minister on the license if you know you want to be married outside of the courthouse. When convenient and you can return to the DC Marriage Bureau to pick up the license ( after a 3-day gap for them to process the application), then set a date a few weeks or months ahead.

I am told that someone must present the receipt of the application when returning to pick up the actual license; however, it might serve many couples to have a close friend in the area present the receipt for you, retrieve the license and mail it to you, thus saving a trip back to DC until it’s time for a planned ceremony in DC. Always confirm with the DC Marriage Bureau in case of any changes by calling (202) 879-4850.

Regarding places to have a wedding in DC

If you have a friend who works in DC, perhaps for the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), then get personal advice. Perhaps staying outside the city is much more reasonable. One can rent a car for a week and drive over to Alexandria or near Mount Vernon and stay much more reasonably in a motel or hotel than in a DC hotel. Just an idea.

If staying in DC lodging (hotel or B&B), then check with their Events Coordinator for use of a conference room or patio for having a small wedding. This should be available without cost if a guest, but if having refreshments, decorations, etc., that will certainly be extra. Check it out. Always consider reserving two(2) hours for flexibility. Most weddings are 30 minutes, but time is needed on both sides of the actual ceremony.

We received a lovely note from Sandra Gartrell from the Intown Uptown Inn at 4907 14th Street NW, Washington, DC 20011, inviting same-sex couples to contact her for small weddings, even elopements, in the Inn. It is always nice to receive such invitations, therefore I am passing it along for your consideration.

I asked about a general idea for a very small ceremony, and Sandy said, “ For five(5) people (not including the officiants) we charge $115 for up to an hour and $10/per person for six(6) people and up to 25 people. Of course we have rooms to offer, catering, champagne, cake, fresh flowers, and other add-ons that we can work with the couple in providing. Also free parking.” Her direct e-mail is sandy@iuinn.com.

For a much larger event in a large welcoming church in DC

Most same-sex couples will not know that this past summer’s Clergy Call, sponsored by HRC, was hosted in Calvary Baptist Church, 755 Eighth Street, NW, Washington, DC 20001. Clergy from all over the country arrived for the 3-day event, and planned and visited congressional offices in support of the Hate Crimes Bill, and other important LGBT issues. Some of us started projecting the need for support of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. This large, totally inclusive Baptist Church and its Senior Pastor, Rev. Amy Butler, were gracious hosts and made the activities such a success.

We talked to the church about the use of the chapel which seats up to 150 guests for same-sex ceremonies. The Pastor and Church Administrator are very supportive, and if there is an interest in reserving the chapel, and having me perform the ceremony while you are in DC, then this is possible.

You will need to discuss use of the chapel directly with Paul Rosstead at (202) 347-8355 Ext 127, or e-mail him at PRrosstead@calvarydc.org.

Typically, the arrangement for the chapel is for 3 hours for ceremony reservation, and 1 hour for rehearsal the day before. The facility fee is $750. The fee for the sanctuary which seats up to 800 is $2,000. There are some rules for use, but understandable, and the discussion can allow you to know of music assistance, which would be extra.

We are not wedding planners; we are ministers who perform weddings in DC and commitments and weddings elsewhere working out of our location near Charlottesville, Virginia. We are very dependent on allowing some of the ministerial fee to be a tax deductible donation to our non-religious, nonprofit, public charity with no paid staff to serve the interests of patients and families without adequate means for lodging, food, co-pay and travel who come to the University of Virginia Medical Center in Charlottesville. If you wish to see where a part of your fee would be going, please read our website and blog for the charity at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/. I hope this information is of assistance for planning a trip to DC.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

Same-Sex weddings in Washington, DC: Part I of II

2010-03-12T11:35:00.006-05:00

As of March 3, 2010, same sex couples may apply for marriage licenses in the District of Columba. Many couples from outside the District are asking about the requirements with specific details, and these are provided on the Marriage Bureau’s website at http://www.dccourts.gov/dccourts/superior/family/marriage.jsp

All of the calls or e-mails which we have received have been for couples who live outside of the District, and in states which do not recognize same sex marriages; therefore, it is helpful to know even more details as to variations of acceptance in other locations. There are two excellent sources for keeping updated. Please go to http://www.hrc.org/news/14137.htm and read the statement from the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) entitled “D.C. Law Permitting Same-Sex Marriages Takes Effect.” There is an additional site at HRC which will provide maps and other details worth review. Visit: www.HRC.org/State_Laws.

For those who live at some distance from D.C. and still wish to have their ceremony performed in the District for a special memory, please know that this does require some visitations. You will understand once you read the Marriage Bureau’s website. This entire blog entry is an effort to fully acquaint you with the D.C. options. For a same-sex couple wishing to have a commitment ceremony (not legally binding) in or near your own hometown, there are no restrictions and we continue to perform such ceremonies over a broad distance.

Regarding the District of Columbia for a legal wedding

First you will have to apply at the D.C. Clerk’s Office, and if an approved minister is to perform your ceremony in the District, then you will need to place that celebrant’s name on the application at the time of application. Rev. Elisheva Clegg is registered with the DC Court to perform marriages in the District since January 16, 2008. If Rev. Clegg has been chosen and you have an agreement with her to perform the wedding in the District, then and only then should you affix her name to the application. This is so important to plan before going to make application with the Marriage Bureau. By law, three(3) full days must pass between the day of application to the day that the license can be issued. The fee payment receipt is required to pick up the license. Marriage licenses are not issued by mail. The couple is totally responsible for obtaining their license.

Rev. Elisheva Clegg is not an officer of the court, but a member of approved clergy who can perform your wedding, and that wedding must be performed in the District. Once you have the license in hand, then the wedding can take place in almost any location, such as a hotel, B&B, office, chapel, church, home, etc. You can sign a ministerial agreement with her indicating date, time of day, fee, etc. You have total flexibility to work with the minister for planning. Remember – a minister’s fee supports that minister’s income, and will always be much more than a civil ceremony in a courthouse. Officers of the court are employed by the court.

Rev. Clegg’s fees for a week day or a weekend day are provided after discussions regarding your ceremony. As with any prominent event in one’s life (and this is the most important journey you both will ever take together), the need to discuss and plan and then repeat your wishes with Rev. Clegg is so important. Remember – only court officials can marry a couple inside the courthouse.

Upon application, a couple can request a civil ceremony by a Court official, and a clerk will attempt to schedule a ceremony on or near the date requested. Regarding the courthouse civil ceremony, remember that scheduling cannot be made sooner than ten (10) business days after your license becomes valid. This is information being repeated from the DC Court Marriage website. Read the website closely for costs, timing, etc. It is certainly a reasonable cost, but it is a courthouse event, subject to court scheduling and certainly not geared to personalization.

Can a couple marry in a national park in the District?

Special Park use for weddings: Some couples have indicated their wish to be married at a national monument or outside in a federal park, etc. There are three (3) locations available and they require a permit for a fee($50) from the National Park Service (NPS). The locations are The Jefferson Memorial, George Mason Memorial and the DC War Memorial. The NPS phone number is (202) 619-7225. Their fax is (202) 401-2430. For advance information the National Park Service website is www.NPS.gov/namma. Click on quick links and find permits for “Special Park Use Application for sports activities and wedding ceremonies.” You can download the 3-page application and fax it with credit card info, or mail it with a money order. The permit, I am told, is for two(2) hours. Remember – there is no parking, no shelter, and one must use the exact timing of the permit. Light portable music can be played, or perhaps a violinist could be employed. There are distinct drawbacks for outdoor public locations, so real consideration should be given to all of these limitations, especially when having guests attend. A ceremony can be 15-30 minutes, depending on personalization, and a driving rain can certainly diminish the enjoyment of the ceremony.

We urge a very detailed reading of these website offerings. There is much to be learned. There must be emphasis on completing the application, planning ahead to determine if a minister or court official will perform the wedding ( application for the civil ceremony inside the courthouse or an agreement with a minister for a ceremony away from the courthouse), and the date the license will be available for pickup, etc. These are among the many items for planning.

We understand the desire to rush to the courthouse and get on with the show. This is a grand opportunity which has presented itself for same-sex couples who reside in the District of Columbia, and also for couples who wish to obtain the certificate for a special memory. We remind couples that planning a wedding is a part of marriage. Plan it well and relax and enjoy.

For more information on my personalized wedding and commitment services

Please visit my website at http://www.blueridgerainbowceremonies.org/ and read the testimonials. Then complete the short form at the site and submit with comments. I will always ask the following questions in order to have a place to begin a conversation. Please consider these questions and provide with the initial form, or separately:

Venue (hotel, B&B, home, chapel, park, etc.)
Rehearsal if planned,
Same or separate spiritual paths, if applicable,
How long have you known each other and how long has the relationship been intimate,
How old are both of you,
Have you been married before, or in a long term relationship,
Are there children, please comment with ages, participation,
What are your professions and are you supportive of each other’s professional goals,
Are there any special rituals, poems, readings, blessings desired in the planning of the service,
Are you both willing to complete my questionnaire individually in order to write for text and tone,
What is your place of residence with zip code.

Much time is saved knowing these items for a discussion by phone.

As a final note, please know that my week day (Monday-Thursday) fee is considered quite reasonable for a very small intimate ceremony. Weekends are isolated and generally encompass two days, especially with a rehearsal. You will have to be the judge upon receipt of a detailed attachment with the projected fee, and if a hotel room is needed when a rehearsal is planned and the minister is requested. I offer one extra possibility not generally known, and that is the opportunity for the entire fee for a wedding or commitment to be a tax deduction. Our priority is support of a non-religious, nonprofit, no stock public charity with NO paid staff, which supports patients and families who come great distances without adequate funds to support their stay or visit to the University of Virginia Medical Center. The charity is located at http://www.interfaithhumanitariansanctum.org/. The fee is slightly higher for this opportunity, but remember, the entire amount becomes tax deductible as a donation. This can be most advantageous for a couple or family in need of a tax write-off. If this interests you, please ask and details will be included in the options I provide.

Blessings….Rev. Elisheva

Don’t Ask..Don’t Tell…Still as un-American as ever!

2010-02-11T02:45:00.004-05:00

Dear LGBT Couples,

During the last several months we have received requests for commitments wherein one partner was active military. In two cases, that partner was being deployed or already in a war zone. The requests were to have openly gay commitments with friends and family at a time when the policy of this country remains contradictory to America’s portrayal as a nation of equality for its citizens; in fact dictated by what should be totally separated from consideration, religious determination to continue to subvert a fundamental right of all citizens to serve and protect their country.

It grieves me to have to say it, but I strongly recommend that gay Americans in the military wait a bit longer to engage in an open commitment ceremony until “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is repealed. Please note that I am not asking for anyone to wait until this country is mature enough to accept all fully qualified professionals equal acceptance in uniform. I am saying don’t increase the risk factor while an awakened and open leadership is paving a path. There is now no doubt that President Obama, Secretary Gates and Admiral Mullen are engaged.

What is not abundantly clear to so many gay members of the military is that this open exposure allows all friends and family knowledge of your commitment, and this is a risky proposition. Not all friends may remain secretive, and not all family members pleased with your decision. Sometimes their religious zeal and background may lead to a determination to diminish your happiness, and your career.

Your service is valued and needed, and as strong as the urge is to come out and simply be who you are, and allow others to know of the devotion to your partner, this open exposure through a ceremony should be delayed. Especially is this true if you wish to remain in service of your country and continue to serve, and be served with the benefits of a service person. Please know that you are not living a lie…your country is. Engage in all manner of ways to support the change, but work the magic while in uniform until the Constitution begins to work for you.

A commitment is about a life long partnership of love and devotion, and most certainly sexual intimacy, as a human being. We look forward to performing many more commitments and weddings which involve military members, but please wait until U.S. military integrity is established policy. That time is coming.

T. Wade Clegg III, Interfaith Minister
Major, USAFR Retired

What’s On Your Mind?

2010-01-29T12:19:00.000-05:00

Conversation should always be reciprocal. Over the last few months, I have created several blog entries dealing with issues and concerns on my mind towards the LGBT community. When I talk to my couples, I realize that there are many issues on their minds which are very worthwhile discussing. I would appreciate it very much if you, who are receiving this blog, would respond back to me with your personal concerns and issues. These can be of a political, social, health-oriented, emotional, etc. nature. Anything that interests you, would probably be of interest to others.

Perhaps you would like to email me personally, and I certainly will respond accordingly. For those who would rather remain anonymous, please rest assured your confidentiality will remain in highest regard. But, I am sure there are many issues which can be openly and frankly discussed between all parties to the benefit of everyone.

If you are hesitant because I am an ordained minister and pastoral counselor, please disregard this fear! Because my aim is to help in solving issues and building bridges – NOT to preach or convert to any philosophy or religion in any way whatsoever.

Many of you may not be members of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) http://www.hrc.org but may I suggest you take it into consideration to join as these people are the organization with the most power who have fought for equal rights and equality for the LGBT community. I am very proud to be a standing member of the Religion & Faith Program Coalition which welcomes each and everyone of you into the fold.

I do hope I hear from you soon. Have a blessed day.

Rev. Elisheva

Mind at Work…the name of a survey worth your time!

2009-12-04T14:05:00.003-05:00

We received a note from one of our dearest friends who said that all he wanted for Christmas this year was another 300 people to assist him with a survey which he described as “one supreme project, one last potential contribution, which could turn out to be the most significant of all: my field research on spirituality.”

Daniel A. Helminiak is Professor in the humanistic and transpersonal Department of Psychology at the University of West Georgia. A Catholic priest, licensed professional counselor, and certified pastoral counselor, he holds PhD’s in both theology and psychology.

Daniel introduces his survey this way: People think differently. How does the human mind actually work? Help us to find out. Participate in an on-line survey. The questionnaire will help you think about your own thinking. And your responses will help us figure out what it is to be human. Log on at www.surveymonkey.com/mindatwork.

We took the survey and find it interesting. Read the opening introduction and then proceed. Perhaps 30 minutes of your time. Your participation is very much appreciated from a couple of friends who want to see this “supreme project” a supreme success.

Blessings…Revs. Elisheva and T. Wade Clegg III

Marriage Research

2009-11-18T18:41:00.001-05:00

I was asked by doctoral student, Cristina Reitz-Krueger, for assistance with her web-based study of engaged couples. This will only relate to a few couples who are not yet married; however, I would like to encourage those particular couples to read the blog entry and participate. Cristina is a researcher in the University of Virginia Department of Psychology.

Thank you…Rev. Elisheva

Engaged volunteers needed!

I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.

You can:

Help a doctoral candidate;
Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
Support research on marriage and families; and
Spend some time thinking about your relationship!

I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.

If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at mailto:survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.

Thanks!

Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com

Your words are powerful!

2009-11-14T13:45:00.001-05:00

We always say that the most opportune time to allow your voice to be heard, your words to be read, is NOW. This is certainly true for LGBT issues.

Some people are hesitant to actually send a note to the Letters to the Editor in your home town, but it is so vital that you take the time to originate even a letter of a few paragraphs to let the greater community know what needs their support. Your letter needs to follow the guidelines provided in the newspaper, such as number of words, etc. Be prepared that it will be edited, but if submitted in clear, concise language with the correct limitation on length, then editing of your text can be avoided.

Having your own editor review your letter before it is sent is important. In other words, discuss it with a friend to get feedback. Check spelling and punctuation. REMEMBER - if you want people to take your submission seriously, make sure it is not only factually correct, but projected in correct English. Then make sure your contact info is attached, such as address, phone, e-mail, and then signed.

Although you may have received the following letter as an example of my own e-mail to The Daily Progress in Charlottesville, Virginia, use it as an idea for writing your own thoughts, experiences, and request. Thanks for reading and participating in making equal opportunity a reality.

Here is a sample of my letter to an editor .... feel free to use it as an example :-)

A Letter to my Editor from Rev. T. Wade Clegg III

Mail to: Mail Box 105, 265 Turkey Sag Trail (Suite 102), Palmyra, VA 22963

Phone (434) 589-4864 e-mail: elishevanumber7@earthlink.net

It’s that time again to stand and replace that which is in place…
for it has no place…and never did!

You may not be aware that in 29 states it is legal to fire someone because they are lesbian, gay or bisexual. In 38 states, it’s legal to fire someone for being transgender. In other words for just being who he or she is.

Is there anyone with compassion who cannot see the injustice of making it legal to fire otherwise qualified employees by being who they are? If you were among the best workers in your company, but ever knowing that how you were designed by Nature or God or Both will forever leave you stranded in the fear of never knowing if today is your last day of employment, you would NOT immediately suspect the good ole USA of allowing such discrimination, would you?

Does the elimination of this injustice sound like a “special right” is being granted?
Does being elevated to the same level of consideration of everyone else in the work force, without fear of being eliminated, not hired, not promoted seem like a special right?

If anyone who is practicing a religion really believes that is a special right, then they are practicing a religion which has lost its compassion. Yet, there are those who would continue to paint a star on the backs of certain individuals in order to dehumanize them.

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (H.R. 3017) would make it illegal to fire, refuse to hire, or refuse to promote employees based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. The act is also referred to as ENDA, but one should not use an acronym when speaking of discrimination. One must spell it out.

Stop discrimination against any American citizen who is deserving of earning a living, is qualified to earn a living, and who is diligently performing a job to earn a living. This country was founded upon the principle of equal opportunity. This was imbedded in my brain from first grade. It stuck with me. Did it stick with you?
Our government must continue to uphold this value for all Americans.

There are no religions which believe in kindness toward neighbors and loving them as yourself which allows a belief that you are superior to some human beings and that you are granted the privilege of being hateful. If you are in the presence of those who are promoting such destructiveness, you should find a different path as soon as possible.

The fully-inclusive Employment Non-discrimination Act is now before the Congress. It is another opportunity to remove that which is hateful. It will ensure fair treatment for all workers. Tell your Senators and Representative that equal opportunity is an American principle good enough for ALL 50 STATES!

Blessings…T. Wade

LGBT Resource Center at UVA Charlottsville

2009-10-12T12:42:00.002-04:00

Since we are located in the Charlottesville area and value the UVA LGBT Resource Center for a diversity of information, it is only appropriate to provide this entry for contact by students and community interests to make contact for potential use of their rather in depth resources. Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender (LGBT) Resource Center at the University of Virginia supports lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning students, faculty, staff, and alumni. Founded under the Office of the Dean of Students in 2001, with generous financial support from the Serpentine Society, the Resource Center works both to raise awareness and inclusion of sexual and gender minorities and to provide information, referral, support, and programming to the University community. Some programs and services include The LGBT Resource Center Speakers Bureau, Safe Space Training, weekly Coffee Hour, Lavender Graduation, presentation of the V. Shamim Sission Ally of the Year Award, Proud to be Out Week, social/support groups, and free/confidential, monthly HIV testing with AIDS Services Group of Charlottesville.

Located in the center of Grounds, in Newcomb Hall Room 435, the Resource Center is both a physical space and a programming center for the university. Whether you’re questioning, coming out, queer, or an ally, the Resource Center has something for you. The LGBT Resource Center is fully-staffed by UVA students and provides a library of over 300 books, DVDs, and videos for check-out. The center also provides free safe sex materials and resource information from local, state, and national organizations.

Open Monday through Friday, 11:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m.

For more information, please contact lgbtrc@virginia.edu .

Or Ed Warwick, Coordinator of the LGBT Resource Center at edwarwick@virginia.edu

Welcome from Reverend Elisheva

2009-09-29T19:53:00.004-04:00

This is the first blog posting on the Rainbow website. The article is meant to inform couples who are considering a commitment or marriage (where allowed) to become fully acquainted with current opportunities.

Couples who have already joined in commitment or marriage may want to take note of the HRC links also, in order to stay current on movement toward equality.

Several questions, which are constantly asked, are restated and answered in the article. Remember – each generation arrives at a moment of interest in commitment. We often forget that many young LGBT couples have no idea as to how to begin their search for information, especially when raised and isolated in many religious environments.

Perhaps this blog will allow that opportunity to assist the “older” generation and allow the younger group to become better educated. In due course this blog will offer significant links for extended guidance.

Blessings…Rev. Elisheva

A Personal Note Regarding Same-Sex Marriage

2009-09-29T19:45:00.001-04:00

Many young same-sex couples who have not been keeping up with the changes over the last few years often write and ask:

How do I obtain a marriage license to marry in state X, Y, Z, etc.?
If I legally marry in state X, will the marriage be honored in state Y?
If we move from a state where same-sex marriage is prohibited to a state which allows marriage, what is the residency requirement?
Do you provide a certificate for a commitment which has legal standing?

Questions 1 & 2 above will be discovered in the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) websites below. Question 3 above is a specific question for the state, although the HRC office in Washington, D.C. will be able to direct and answer your inquiry.

Regarding question #4 above, we do perform commitments in many states, mostly in Virginia, Maryland, North Carolina and West Virginia. These commitments carry no legal standing; they are ceremonies to celebrate your commitment to your partner before supportive family and friends. The certificate is provided as a valued commemorative of that special occasion in your lives.

There are many more questions, generally from young people who have just been exposed to considerable possibilities in the equality struggle for same-sex couples. Many couples believe that the opportunities are much wider than they thought. There is no greater time than now to become active and move the opportunities forward and to secure the ground which has been won.

Please review the two websites for late information on Statewide Marriage Prohibitions and Marriage Equality and Other Relationship Recognition Laws. Both charts are provided by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). For details and very latest information, please use the offices of the HRC. No single force in the country has made a more significant impact for equality for LBGT rights. We are active members of the HRC, and urge your involvement in this never-ending necessity to bring the United States closer to all that it can and should be.

http://www.hrc.org/documents/Relationship_Recognition_Laws_Map.pdf

http://www.hrc.org/documents/marriage_prohibitions_2009.pdf

Blessings ... Rev. Elisheva